I’ve never been able to lose myself in sex. I’ve never understood the feeling of being so aroused that you lose control. I’ve never had an orgasm. In the back of my mind, I’m always thinking, “What does my partner think of me?”
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“Do I smell okay?” “My stomach is sticking out because I ate too much—how embarrassing.” I also can’t help thinking that I’m probably being compared to the other women at the club my partner has been with.
I’m genuinely struggling with this.
I wish I could be hypnotized.
Please tell me anything that might help.
I’m Osaka, a male member.
I agree with the other respondents: I think it’s something you can only do when you feel safe and have genuine feelings of “I like this person.” No pun intended.
It’s perfectly normal, so there’s no need to rush.
As long as a man can ejaculate, he may be able to reach some kind of finish regardless of what the sex is like. But honestly, I’m never completely sure whether the woman has actually climaxed.
When we climax at the same time, I feel like I’ve done a great job—but maybe she was just matching me and offering some lip service.
Anyway, putting that pointless stuff aside lol
With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), especially when it comes to an adult relationship (intimate), things can move quickly, so it may be hard to tell. But the speed at which someone’s heart and feelings develop doesn’t change, so it takes time. That’s perfectly normal.
How long it takes before someone truly feels loved and safe depends on the person, but even after meeting ten times, it’s not unusual for her not to feel that way yet, is it?
Sometimes that kind of change in her feelings comes suddenly. You’ll notice and think, “Oh, something’s changed.” After that, you can feel a difference in the way things are during an adult relationship (intimate), and the relationship becomes much more enjoyable. I often hear people say that’s when they first climaxed.
So there’s no need to rush.
Actually, I think men have an emotional side too. When you feel that maybe her feelings are genuine, or when you’re filled with the feeling of being loved, or when you notice a change in her body and the way she responds after her feelings have changed—doesn’t that really get you fired up?
I’m starting to feel embarrassed writing this.
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First, work on feeling more confident in yourself.
You can take care of any odor, avoid eating too much before sex, and make yourself so beautiful that you’ll almost want him to compare you with other women. When you’re having sex, you want to feel confident enough to think, “I want you to look at my body!”
You say you’ve never had an orgasm, but do you masturbate? There are lots of cute-looking vibrators and other toys these days, so it might help to learn what an orgasm feels like using one. I’m not good at using my hands, so I always use a vibrator when I masturbate.
For a while, I could only orgasm through masturbation and not during sex, but recently I’ve become much more responsive during sex and can orgasm now, too. I think part of it is that I met a papa (a male supporter) I’m really compatible with.
When sex is good, you’ll start to feel, “I’m glad I was born a woman.”
I hope you’ll be able to relax and enjoy yourself.
Marika
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Hypnosis, huh? You’ve piqued my interest, so I’ll buy a guidebook and study up.
After tarot reading, I’m going to give hypnosis a try.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I think your feelings are completely normal.
Men’s brains are 100% focused on sex, while women’s are 100% focused on everything but sex.
It’s only natural that you can’t accept it.
Maybe you’ll be able to accept it someday, the way there’s always room for dessert. But it wouldn’t be unusual if some women never feel that way. You may never be able to accept it, even in the slightest.
I think it’s best to simply accept that this is normal and not worry about it.
The fact that you’re able to be intimate at all means you’ve made incredible progress. Compared with people who shut themselves off completely, I think you’ve come a very long way.
And honestly, I think sex exists for women’s sake. I hope that someday you’ll naturally come to feel that way.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
You feel like you have to feel something, or become completely immersed. But thinking that way can create pressure and make it harder to relax and get into the moment. There’s no rule saying you have to become completely immersed, either.
I think relaxing and feeling comfortable are what matter most. Since it starts with a date and leads into foreplay, hopefully you’ll meet a good papa (a male supporter) who knows how to set the mood from the date onward. You should have a drink and take it easy, too.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
At the very least, the papa who made you an offer must think you’re cute. He probably just lacks confidence in himself.
Maybe he wasn’t someone you could truly feel comfortable entrusting yourself to, both physically and emotionally.
A good papa is someone you can honestly say things like, “I feel self-conscious about my stomach after eating,” and who will listen to you.
Someone who would take his time with you and treat you with care…
Ah, maybe I should send a reverse offer to the male respondents here after all!
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I’m Dai, a male member.
So, does that mean you can climax when you do it yourself?
One reason you may not be able to fully lose yourself in the moment is that you don’t feel safe or at ease being intimate with that man.
The reason intimacy in a romantic relationship feels so much better is that you have an absolute sense of security with your boyfriend, right?
With a man you’re not romantically involved with, feeling at ease depends largely on whether he’s good at it.
You can’t fully relax and entrust yourself to someone when you’re worried that he might hurt you at any moment.
That’s where foreplay comes in.
People say that when you’re intimate with a man who’s good at foreplay, you can tell from the moment he first touches or goes down on you whether he knows what he’s doing.
After becoming intimate with a man like that several times and building trust, once you feel confident that he won’t do anything strange, why not try being intimate with a blindfold on?
Blocking out visual information can heighten your excitement, so I think it may make it easier for you to climax.
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I’m a male member who feels like a loser, and lately I’ve started to feel that even the female members dislike me.
It’s probably not just my imagination—I think they really do dislike me (汗).
I suspect this isn’t something that can be solved through the man’s sex techniques. A papa like me would probably be a bad choice too, and might only make the asker’s emotional wounds worse.
A few suitable people come to mind among the respondents, but they’re all women.
I feel the asker’s concerns might gradually be resolved if female respondents like 〇〇 and 〇〇 empathize with her, offer advice, and help her improve little by little.
Then perhaps those female respondents could hand things over by saying, “Male respondent 〇〇 might be a better fit.”
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I’m Taro, a male member.
If you wrote that exactly as it is in the comments, plenty of experienced players would offer to meet you. In that sense, I think there’s a fairly deep pool of candidates. You might even get an invitation from one of the people answering here. Seeing is believing—trying it yourself is faster than making endless arguments. Just be careful about getting your allowance paid and not having your body hurt by someone who’s terrible at it... Though, come to think of it, the people answering here might actually be safer... I mean, surely one of them is going to make an offer, right? lol
Actually, there are people who make a business out of that sort of thing too—recruiting women online. I don’t know whether it’s the same thing or something separate, but they also make amateur adult videos. Once, I happened to discover that a woman I’d almost started dating was appearing in one, and it really stuck with me.
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