Don’t you think there’s a difference between being treated kindly out of guilt because he’s seeing other women, and being treated kindly because he genuinely thinks, “You’re adorable! I love you! I’m crazy about you!”?
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It seems like some respondents have examples of the former, while others have examples of the latter…
Which would you prefer?
Girls who get into papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), get involved with the wrong man, and end up being kept by him reach the end of their prime without ever receiving the latter kind of love. I honestly feel so sorry for them.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
There’s no love or kindness in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). When you get right down to it, it’s all fake.
So it’s not like one option is better than the other.
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer this one too.
> He’s seeing other women, so he treats you kindly and makes you feel loved to ease his guilt.
Do people like that really exist?
Even if they do, I feel like they’re probably a minority.
Most people see dating multiple women as perfectly normal, so I don’t think they feel guilty about it.
A man’s mindset is probably more like: “I like all of them, even if I’m seeing multiple women.”
There may be a ranking among them, but when he’s with a particular woman, he doesn’t think about rankings. He’s probably seeing her because he genuinely likes her.
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I’m a male member, and frankly, I’m a loser.
With every woman, I always feel guilty in a different way.
“I’m not exactly a handsome, distinguished older man…”
That’s the guilt I feel.
So things like:
“Thank you for coming!”
“Thank you so much again today.”
come out naturally, and I end up saying “thank you” many times during our dates.
It may sound creepy, but I genuinely love all of my regulars. I really do.
I mean, they’re willing to be intimate with an older man like me, so of course I feel unbelievably grateful and appreciative.
That’s why I go all out to treat them exceptionally well on our dates.
I’m not sure whether that counts as love, but I truly love all of my regulars.
That said, the only one I may be treating with obvious affection is my ace.
She’s the only one I worry about so much that I even think about what will happen after I die and about her future in old age.
The feeling of being in love
isn’t actually all that strong. It’s more like the affection a father has for his daughter.
I love her as a woman: 30–40%
I love her as a daughter: 60–70%
That’s how it feels.
As for my other regulars:
I love them as women: 10%
I love them as people: 90%
That’s probably the balance.
I suppose I should worry about all of my regulars’ futures, but my ace is the only one who clearly shows affection toward me, so there’s an enormous difference in how I treat her compared with the others.
I’m not sure what it means to “keep” someone, but my ace tells me, “Please protect me,” so I suppose that means I’m keeping her.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
From the recipient’s perspective, what’s the difference between the former and the latter? I don’t think there’s any real difference.
Not doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) doesn’t guarantee that you’ll discover wonderful love, either.
I think that’s simply an assumption on the questioner’s part.
The unfortunate thing about papa-katsu is when it throws off your standard of living, sense of money, and self-esteem, causing you to neglect every kind of effort.
As long as you don’t let that happen, I believe there will always be opportunities to be loved.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
> In any case, I think you need a good eye for choosing the right person.
I think it all comes down to having that discernment.
If you can choose the right person, you’ll be surrounded by genuine love and kindness.
What happens between two people is something only they can truly understand, and ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own choices.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
Since it’s a dating club, isn’t seeing multiple people the norm? Someone saying, “You’re the only one,” would be pretty unusual. Anyone who believes that so easily is being naïve. Men naturally do this, and even women who say otherwise would probably meet someone if they received an offer. It goes both ways.
It’s a pretty casual, anything-goes kind of world, but even so, you can still meet someone who’s a good match—a person you can genuinely treat well and be treated well by. Whether they’re seeing only one person isn’t really the important part, in my opinion. The risk of STIs is a separate issue, though.
There’s a lot of debate over how long a woman’s prime lasts, so I’ll set that aside. But if you want to find a good connection during your limited window of opportunity, I think looking for one through a dating club has advantages over living a conventional life, simply because it gives you a larger pool of people to meet. That said, all it really does is increase the number of times you get to step up to the plate. Either way, you still need good judgment.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
I don’t think we can simply decide whether someone is “pitiful” or not. Some PJ girls also put on an act to accommodate the latter type of man, which is pitiful in its own way.
Maybe this is a world where, if you go looking for things to feel sorry about, you’ll find plenty of them (T_T)
Having your offer turned down, getting stood up, being rejected after inviting someone to an adult relationship (intimate), being left on read, getting blocked, having a lie exposed, and so on.
From the small heartbreaks to the major ones, we step over countless casualties and eventually find a place where we can meet each other. So I think everyone has their own form of relationship.
Both men and women want different things from their partners, but I’ve come to realize that it’s not easy to create a relationship that works for both sides and can continue.
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