Why do men who aren’t financially well-off still do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and want relationships with non-professional women so badly?
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From my perspective, it feels awful, as though I’m exploiting poor people, so before getting involved, I tell them, “I feel very uncomfortable accepting an allowance from someone who doesn’t have much financial leeway,” and end things. Also, would you get angry if a woman sent you a message like this?
I’m Dai, a male member.
You’re not an amateur woman anymore—you’re a professional papa-katsu girl, aren’t you?
Go ahead and send it exactly as written. I won’t get angry.
It’s honestly pretty amusing that you think you’re exceptional just because the man you’re relying on is.
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Last night, my wife said, “Cucumbers are over 100 yen each, and nobody around here buys them anymore, so the supermarkets don’t even carry them…” I said, “That’s expensive.” I’m Paper Airplane, a broke male member who dates women from every class for the same low allowance. I can’t afford cucumbers at all. (Cabbage, on the other hand, is an excellent deal at 98 yen a head.)
> Does that make you angry?
A message that straightforward might actually make it easier for the other man to give up and move on.
> Why do men want to get involved with inexperienced women so badly?
Men are fools. No matter how old they get, they still dream of dating and romance without money being involved.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
If that’s how you feel, wouldn’t it be better to just block him on LINE and end things? There’s no need to deliberately leave such a provocative parting shot. Angering someone is basically inviting the risk of getting an unpleasant reaction.
Many wealthy papa (male supporters) are successful people, so they can see through others’ character. If you’re going to part ways with this papa, what do you stand to lose? It’s a shame that you don’t seem likely to have a good experience with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Your confrontational attitude comes through in your message, and I can’t sense any consideration, kindness, or gratitude. If you make your focus on money too obvious, a papa’s interest will quickly fade, so please be careful.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
Basically, it all comes down to what you consider “poor.” Personally, I don’t think truly poor people belong to dating clubs.
It should be obvious if you think about it: you can’t participate without funds. You need a certain amount of disposable money that you can continue to use in order to maintain an arrangement. Men aren’t dating solely on the strength of their looks or personality, after all（笑）
The real issue is how much spending money they have—in other words, how much they’re willing to spend on dating.
I don’t think you can really say that someone is exploiting poor people simply because they’re active in a dating club. That said, the amount someone is willing to spend varies depending on their personal values and who they’re meeting.
Of course, in general, the more spending money someone has, the looser they tend to be with their wallet. It’s also true that the more disposable income they have, the more spending money they can afford.
If you feel too sorry for someone to accept their money, I think it’s fine not to take it.
I’m a poor person by dating-club standards, but—
> Also, would you get angry if a woman sent you a message like this?
Do you mean, “Also, would you get angry if a woman sent you a message like this?”
I wouldn’t be angry at all. I’d just think, “I see… That’s unfortunate.”
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I’m a male member—and a total loser.
> “I feel too bad accepting an allowance from someone who doesn’t have much money to spare.”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I don’t think it sounds high-handed at all, and I actually admire the courage it takes to say something like that.
After all, “Sometimes, telling someone the truth is a form of kindness.”
Personally, though, I’ve never said something like:
“I no longer feel you’re worth paying ¥150,000 a month, so it may be difficult for us to meet anymore.”
and then ended things.
Instead, I use the cowardly approach of going from leaving her on read to not even opening her messages, nervously waiting for her to give up on me. I’m really sorry about that.
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer this as well.
> Men who do papa-katsu despite not having much financial leeway
How much financial leeway do you think they need to have?
To begin with, I don’t think you can immediately tell how much financial room a man has.
In the old TV drama *Yamato Nadeshiko*, the female protagonist estimated a man’s income and financial standing based on what he was wearing. However, because one of the men was wearing an item he had borrowed—something only a racehorse owner would normally have—she misjudged his estimated income.
Many wealthy men actually try to hide the fact that they’re rich.
They might say their annual income is 10 million yen when registering with Universe, then register with SALON（笑）
(SALON requires members to show proof of income, so in reality, their annual income is over 40 million yen.)
It’s actually quite common for their real annual income to be over 100 million yen.
That’s because they know there’s nothing to gain from flaunting their wealth.
So even if you think a man doesn’t have much financial leeway, he may actually be quite comfortable.
Are you sure you’re able to judge that accurately?
When you think about it, it’s difficult to tell exactly how much financial room someone has.
So basically, I think it’s better to judge whether he can provide the allowance the woman wants.
If she says she wouldn’t be satisfied with the allowance alone, does that mean she’s referring to the quality of the restaurants or hotels?
If you have specific criteria like that, you could say something like this when explaining your preferences:
“I’m looking for someone who can provide this much allowance, take me to hotels of this standard, and dine at restaurants in this class.”
Then the man can decide whether that level is comfortably within his means—or whether it would be too much for him.
I feel like the questioner’s main point may be slightly off.
Perhaps you’re simply very good at seeing through men.
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It may be because having money to spare and wanting—or not wanting—to be intimate with an everyday woman aren’t necessarily related.
Also, when you consider the time and effort it takes to meet a woman normally and get to that point, papa-katsu may simply be the quickest option.
As for whether it’s insulting, some people might feel that way. But I wouldn’t say anything, because I’d hate for him to think, “I’m offering you a low allowance because you’re not worth paying that much for!”
Marika
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