I always enjoy reading this site and learning so much from everyone. Tonight, something happened as described below, and I’m thinking of ending the relationship. I’d like to hear everyone’s opinions on whether I should properly explain why for her sake, or simply say goodbye without saying anything. Please feel free to be brutally honest.
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(I know this should probably have been a concise question, but it turned into a long post. Sorry.)
A month ago, I went to Sapporo on a business trip and had the club arrange a first date with her. Since I was there on business, I limited my search to Type C and met someone the club recommended. She was a student who didn’t seem very familiar with papa-katsu, unlike the women I’d usually met.
We had a pleasant time, and I thought she liked me, but she said, “Let’s just have dinner this time, and we can meet again when you’re next in Sapporo.” I assumed we simply hadn’t clicked. However, she invited me out for drinks afterward since I was there anyway, so we had a drink at one place before parting. I returned to Tokyo still wondering whether she liked me or not.
After that, she messaged me on LINE several times, saying, “When are you coming to Sapporo? I’m waiting for you.”
Since I didn’t have another business trip planned anytime soon, I jokingly asked, “How about coming to Tokyo?” She replied, “I will! I can come on the 25th.”
To be honest, I didn’t want to go all the way to Sapporo again only to be disappointed if things didn’t progress, so I thought that even if it didn’t work out, the shock would be smaller if she came to Tokyo, despite costing me about the same. So I decided to invite her.
I arranged her flight and hotel, and she came to Tokyo today.
I told her that, apart from the time she spent with me, she was free to arrange the rest of her schedule however she liked while she was here. She said she was fine with arriving this evening and returning around noon tomorrow.
I picked her up at the hotel, and we had dinner at a restaurant. When I asked, “What would you like to do after this?” she turned me down, saying, “I’m on my period today, so let’s do it next time you come to Sapporo.”
I said, “Since you’re here anyway, how about having a drink somewhere a little nicer and talking?” But she seemed uncomfortable. When I asked, “Do you have plans to meet someone else?” she said that her best friend, who lives in Saitama and whom she had told me a lot about, was currently in Shinjuku.
So, to be honest, I was completely put off, and we parted ways. I’ve just returned home.
I’ve now received a LINE message saying, “The food today was really delicious. I’d love to come again. Please come to Sapporo soon.”
Actually, I had prepared some extra money to give her on top of the agreed allowance. I felt that simply covering her transportation costs wasn’t enough, considering the time she spent coming to Tokyo, and I thought that seeing the extra money would make her want to arrange another trip to Tokyo.
However, I had a feeling this might happen, so I saved it to give her at the end. In the end, I didn’t mention it or give it to her.
Honestly, I’m glad I didn’t force myself to go to Sapporo. I suppose today’s expenses were tuition fees.
I don’t think she’s actively trying to scam me. Her reviews at the club don’t seem bad, and judging from her behavior, I don’t feel she has particularly bad intentions. I think she simply interprets everything in whatever way is most convenient for her.
In any case, I won’t be seeing her again.
① Explain everything properly and give her some educational guidance before parting ways:
“As a PJ, if you don’t prioritize spending time with your papa above all else, you won’t find a good papa. Even if you couldn’t have an adult relationship today because you were on your period, you could have spent the rest of the time with him and received the corresponding allowance, as well as a bonus for coming all the way to Tokyo. If you had done that, you could have made proper time to see your friend on another occasion and been able to come several more times.”
② Say nothing and cut off contact on LINE.
What would you do?
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I choose ②.
I think it’s wise to keep in mind that, when it comes to relationships between men and women, it’s rarely ever entirely one person’s fault. For your own sake going forward…
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I think this is a fairly common pattern. Some women see their partners as people, while others see them as objects—or even as something nonhuman. I think situations like this tend to happen in the latter case. When that’s how they see you, your feelings simply don’t matter to them. Their only concern is how to make money without getting caught up in anything troublesome. It’s just a simple game to them. I think changing that mindset would be quite difficult. That’s why I would even say that one of the most important challenges for male members is figuring out whether a woman belongs to the former group or the latter.
As for your question, I’d choose option ② without hesitation. Since she sees you as an object, she’s not going to listen to an object lecturing her about reason or common sense. Rather than trying to “set the world right” or taking on some grand mission, you should focus on finding someone who can satisfy your own desires.
By the way, I think the way she declined the first meeting in this case falls under Type B, not Type C. It might be a good idea to give the club that feedback. Rather than complaining that it was dating fraud, calmly explain the facts in detail—for example: “I was recommended Type C, and although there seemed to be some potential, I was told the first meeting wouldn’t be possible. I’m disappointed that things didn’t turn out as I had expected.” That approach may be better.
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She’s quite the calculating woman, isn’t she?
To be doing that while still a student is pretty impressive. And claiming her period on a date she chose herself, no less.
She got travel expenses from her papa in Saitama and went home having double-dipped.
I guess she already had the date with her Saitama papa set, so she must’ve thought, “Lucky me!”
At this point, I almost want to follow her example. That’s a feat this almost-fifty-year-old could never pull off.
Marika
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This is Ayase Nana☆
Isn’t that woman actually an A-type?
She told you she was available on the 25th, right? Well, if you think about it normally, she wouldn’t say she’d meet you if it was going to be during her period.
First of all, it’s a case of misrepresenting her type.
Looking at her behavior, she doesn’t seem to think she’s doing anything wrong. That means she probably does this all the time.
You’re thinking about this far too optimistically.
Why didn’t you complain to the staff after your first date?
And why did the staff recommend her? What exactly did they like about her?
If they keep doing things like this, men will stop joining the club. This is a business, isn’t it?
Don’t tell me it’s because she was their personal preference?
If I say things like this, they probably won’t send me any more offers, but you should first complain to the staff.
And to all the men out there: please write about your experiences so there won’t be a second victim.
You should absolutely call this woman out and make sure she’s held accountable.
Not for her sake—get angry about it.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office will answer as well.
If you look at it objectively, I’d say option ②.
There’s no need to deliberately make an enemy of her, and you might happen to run into her somewhere again someday.
(Though normally, I don’t think you’d meet her anywhere else.)
That said, if you’re upset and simply want the satisfaction of saying something, I think option ① is fine too.
Just don’t tell yourself you’re doing it for her sake. I’d like you to be honest with yourself that you’re saying it purely to vent your own frustration.
Alternatively, there’s a third option:
If she really was on her period this time, you could enjoy wondering what excuse she’ll come up with next time.
If you sometimes travel to Sapporo for work, you could invite her while assuming from the start that you won’t be going to a hotel with her, thinking, “I wonder what excuse she’ll use this time?”
That could be an enjoyable way to approach it.
It’s frustrating when you meet someone intending to be intimate and then get turned down. So you could still invite her, but treat the meeting like a game of predicting her behavior patterns—finding a different kind of enjoyment in it.
As for predicting her next excuse, it might be something like, “My period wasn’t due yet, but it suddenly started.”
You could also prepare various responses, such as, “That’s fine even if you’re on your period.”
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
If it were me, after breaking up with her, I’d first yell at the night sky, “D**!!”
Then I’d shout at my phone, “Like hell I’m going to Sapporo!! D**!!” so fiercely I’d be spitting, while blocking and deleting her with trembling fingers.
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