I’m a male member.

Joe here with a late follow-up. Basically, I don’t think you have anything to worry about—but does this mean you’ve already brought a woman to tears? You’re quite the heartbreaker, questioner. And of course, I mean that as a compliment. Joe suspects that relationships through a dating club are far more individual than you might expect. So rather than setting too many restrictions, why not just enjoy yourself? Joe is usually at the mercy of beautiful women in their twenties. I may not actually shed tears (I’m a guy, after all), but I often find myself sobbing inwardly. And recently, I became close with a captivating woman in her forties and thought, with relief, that I could finally enjoy a calm, steady relationship. However, not only that—but also, I’ve continued to be toyed with even more than by the women in their twenties, and my heart is still in a state of overflowing rivers. I always thought I was simply the type to fall in love easily, but apparently I’m even more the type to get swept away by others. Even Joe was once rebuked with, “You’re staying safely in your comfort zone and making no effort to take a step forward.” She told me, “If you want to keep seeing me, come back after you’ve separated from your wife.” It was inappropriate, but I was desperately trying not to laugh and almost burst out laughing (苦笑). Unexpected things happen all the time in dating-club relationships. I think we should enjoy them with a wry smile.

I’m a lost 60-something. Our first date was dinner only, where we discussed the terms, and we agreed that we could continue seeing each other without an allowance. A week later, our second date was an overnight stay. But I wasn’t sure it was right to go straight to bed, so I explained my rules for ending things—and she burst into tears. Once she finished crying, though, she seemed relieved, and acted as if nothing had happened. We continued enjoying our relationship until my job transfer... Be honest with your partner from the start about what you can and can’t do.

I’m Column Writer Flag Maker. Isn’t there really any approach that works for everyone? I think it depends on the nature of your relationship with the woman and her personality. The first step is to date someone who won’t get like that in the first place. Next, don’t let things develop in that direction. If it still happens, calmly tell her what you can and can’t do for her, and clearly—without mercy or sugarcoating—explain how you see the relationship between the two of you. After a while, she’ll probably have moved on emotionally to the point where you’ll be thinking, “Then what were those tears about!?” When things head in that direction with a woman I’m dating, I may be strange, but honestly, it irritates me. Because I find myself thinking, “I’m desperately trying to make my marriage work despite all the complications, while you’re already pretty much the complete package—and it’s obvious that marrying you would make my life easier—and now you’re telling me you want to get married…? You’re already having a good time, so don’t try to coast all the way to marriage too!” The way papa-katsu women try to choose gentlemanly, wealthy, relatively well-rounded men really gets on my nerves（笑） Why not recognize the potential in an immature, unfinished man and help him grow yourself? A married couple is supposed to struggle through life together—that’s what marriage is! Besides, I’ll be the one making all the sacrifices after we get married anyway, so as far as I’m concerned, “anyone’s the same” when it comes to a marriage partner!! Sorry, I got a little emotional. I’m fascinated by the idea of a relationship where both people actually like each other but absolutely never say things like “I like you”—a romance balanced right on the edge. Not that mine would ever turn into that kind of relationship, though（笑）

I’m Gaku, and I once dated a beautiful woman with intense mood swings through a dating club. Being swept along by a woman can be fun too, haha. At my age, I’m grateful to have experienced something straight out of a drama. If there’s an allowance involved, it’s ultimately a kind of pseudo-romance, so I don’t think you need to worry about whether it’s too serious or too casual. I’d say just let things take their course.

I’m Rin, a female member. I think being involved with someone sincerely and being serious about them (though what does “serious” even mean at a club?) are similar, but not the same thing. Whichever of you fell in love, both you and the other person must be wonderful and attractive. I’m envious that you were able to have such a meaningful encounter. However, if you’re not prepared to bring this into the real world and your actual life, then perhaps all you can do is hold her close and place several times the usual amount of cash in her hands, so she won’t shed those same tears in another man’s arms. Flag Maker, I wholeheartedly agree. Being able to devote yourself wholeheartedly to and support—and be supported by—the person you believe is truly amazing, the best in the world at what they do, is the greatest kind of life. With someone like that, even if you struggle or things become financially or physically difficult, your overflowing love will keep welling up endlessly, no matter how much of it spills over. That kind of love lasts a lifetime. And yes, I’ll completely ignore anyone pointing out, “You say all that, yet here you are on a site like this!”

I’m Seattle, a male member. I was just watching the final episode of the Ayumi Hamasaki drama. Even if a relationship is supposed to be transactional, there’s nothing wrong with falling in love, is there? We only get about 50 years in this world to kill time, so we might as well enjoy the butterflies. If I hadn’t met her through Universe, I probably would’ve ended up spending a dull retirement drinking tea, so I’m grateful. I’ve been having plenty of exciting experiences lately, too. It was amusing how most of Ayu’s lyrics seemed to be about sending messages to Mr. M. Things like, “I still love you even though we broke up,” or “But maybe this was for the best.” Rather than the two of them quitting their jobs and getting married, I think it’s better when they continue being hugely successful for five years—a win-win relationship like that.

I’m Kamihikoki, a male member. Isn’t it okay to fall for her? From the question alone, it’s hard to tell what kind of situation this is—or whether she’s a woman from the club… I’ve experienced falling in love and getting married several times, which also means I’ve gone through several divorces. I’ve even gotten engaged, backed out, and called it off… Recently, Hiroshi Madoka was saying on TV, “You won’t know until you try getting married,” but… When it comes to men and women, I feel that you don’t really know the truth until things progress that far. Even getting to the point of dating or marriage could arguably be seen as going along with the moment… As for her tears, you may not understand what they really mean until you see what comes afterward… Fall in love with lots of people and pour your heart into them. I think it’s perfectly fine to have plenty of those experiences… P.S. Women can almost always make men misunderstand their intentions, and women also tend to want to trust men wholeheartedly. I can only hope that you, the person asking the question, aren’t simply mistaken…

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. I don’t think an arrangement can continue unless both people are sincere and genuinely engage with each other. When you really open up to one another, you inevitably start developing feelings—whether it’s love or simply liking each other, especially if you’re both single. But for those who aren’t, I suppose they tell themselves it’s just like. I haven’t experienced a truly serious goodbye yet, so I don’t know what it will be like. I imagine it happens when the other person’s circumstances change—money, a boyfriend, work—and we both start feeling that maybe it’s about time.