I have a question. When meeting for an adult relationship (intimate) for the first time, which of these four options would be ideal regarding the shower: the woman showers first, the man showers first, showering together, or not showering at all?
If possible, I’d also appreciate hearing your reasons or any related experiences.
Thank you in advance.
I’m Saito, a columnist♪
A question from a reader made me realize there was something I hadn’t really thought about.
When I think about it calmly, it depends on the hotel.
At places like Andaz Tokyo or Aman Tokyo, where the bathtub is definitely large enough for two or three people, we take a bath together, and I make sure she gets out first.
(I generally use the pool and wash myself before the woman arrives.)
At other hotels, I take a bath first. But if she checks in first, she’ll bathe ahead of me, refill the tub, add some bath salts, and then relax watching TV in a bathrobe—or sometimes just wrapped in a towel.
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In My 30s, New Member
I’m the type who goes in first.
I know everyone has their own opinion, but on a first meeting, the woman may feel uneasy because she doesn’t know what kind of manners the man will have during an adult relationship (for example, not brushing his teeth properly or not washing himself).
That’s why I go in first—I feel that brushing my teeth and cleaning myself beforehand can provide a certain level of reassurance. Also, after work, I personally just want to freshen up as soon as possible.
In that sense, I think the best option would be to go in together and let her see me wash, but doing that on a first meeting feels too much like a sex service, so I decline when asked to go in together.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
In my experience, the most common patterns are going in together, followed by the woman going first.
Going in together: It gets me in the mood, so personally, this is ideal. Unless she says she’d like to go in first, I’ll invite her to go in together. Most women are okay with it. Relaxing in the tub with someone I like is the best. I also think it’s a good option when meeting for the first time, from a safety standpoint.
The woman goes first: Many women are understandably conscious of it, so it’s fairly common for her to suggest taking a shower first. Even when I invite her to go in together, some women are still too shy.
Not going in: Depending on how things develop between us, this happens sometimes too. On days off, women often shower before leaving home, so I feel they’re less resistant to the idea than you might expect.
The man goes first: Occasionally, a woman will say, “You go ahead,” perhaps out of consideration. Even then, I’ll invite her to go in together, so it’s rare for me to go in first.
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I’m a man in my 60s, still trying to figure things out.
I always let the woman go first—not necessarily only on the first meeting, though…
I usually choose a city hotel because I want her to use the bathroom while it’s still clean.
While she’s in there, I’m busy adjusting the room and bedside lighting, making the bed more comfortable to use, and placing “that” somewhere easy to reach… haha.
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I’m a male member in Seattle.
I go in first because I want to check the water temperature and things like that.
I don’t actually get in—I just fill the tub, since I don’t want to leave any hair behind.
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For UC male members and members of the new salon, this is the rule.
It may vary from person to person, but in my case:
- I have the woman go in first
- Then I go in afterward
The reason is that I want her to be able to use the shower while it’s still clean, before any hair loss from me could make a mess.
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