I see someone who’s 30 years older than me six to eight times a month for an allowance of ¥400,000.
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We’ve had an adult relationship (intimate) two or three times, but the meetings take so long that I end up exhausted. I’m also often invited the day before, which is difficult for me.
Even the shortest meetings last four hours, and they usually involve about eight hours of being kept there.
We’ve been seeing each other for six months, and his demands about how long I stay have been getting worse.
I think it may be because we recently started working together, and from next month I’ll be receiving ¥1,000,000 in total from him. The work is about 150 hours a month.
I feel bad because he always gives me presents, but our meetings are also at night. Even when I’m visibly sleepy, he won’t let me leave, and I find it really hard to just endure it until he feels ready to go home.
When I took a break from work for a while, the way he treated me became worse. Ever since I went back to work, he’s kept telling me to quit because he suddenly can’t invite me out whenever he wants.
I understand that, from a man’s perspective, someone who’s always available is preferable. But honestly, I never know when he might discard me, so I can’t quit my job.
Could you please advise me on how to explain this to him without hurting his feelings?
That sounds difficult.
Why not end things, wait for offers from other papas, and, if you’re working, switch to a lighter form of papa-katsu?
It sounds exhausting—like it could really take a toll on your mental health.
I don’t think it’s something worth doing if it’s making you unwell...
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What is it about saying, “I don’t want to quit my job because I never know when I might be dumped,” that could hurt the other person?
What exactly are you trying to ask?
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Both men and women fall into two types: those who want to satisfy themselves and those who want their partner to feel satisfied. Your male partner seems to be the former.
Are you the latter? From your wording, you don’t seem to be, so this doesn’t look like a particularly good relationship.
Before long, you’ll probably stop seeing eye to eye, and one of you will likely cut the other off.
> I understand that, from a man’s perspective, someone he can meet whenever he asks is preferable.
Actually, it’s the opposite. A man shouldn’t need to invite you at all. If you want to see him, you’ll naturally be the one reaching out.
> His demands about how long I stay with him have been getting worse.
Again, it’s the opposite. If papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is working the way the woman wants, she’ll be the one wanting to stay together and having a hard time leaving. I think that’s what papa-katsu is really supposed to be: spending enjoyable time together.
If you continue working and doing papa-katsu while feeling anxious and unable to enjoy yourself, he’ll see through your distrust, and he’s probably used to women not liking him anyway. To begin with, I don’t think he’s very interested in making women happy.
Even before considering your feelings, I suspect he’ll become suspicious, start complaining and acting selfish, and ultimately bring the relationship to an end. You should probably prepare for that sooner rather than later.
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