I’m struggling because I can’t date multiple people.

Even if you believed him, wasn’t he seeing multiple women? He wasn’t married, either, right? It’s not marriage, so you don’t have to take it so seriously. I think you may be making assumptions. If you genuinely think he’s wonderful and you’re getting lots of offers, it’d be a waste not to see multiple people.

> “I keep trying to focus on just one person.” I don’t think you need to change that. It may naturally lead to seeing multiple people, but in your case, there’s no need to assume from the outset that you should date several people. I think both men and women fall into two groups: those who consider multiple relationships from the beginning, and those who don’t find that appealing. Just as someone with the appetite of a sumo wrestler couldn’t possibly be satisfied with a small single serving of kaiseki cuisine, the choice between quality and the satisfaction that comes from quantity applies to all kinds of things. People who prioritize quantity often say they want quality too—but if they’re already satisfied by the quantity, that says it all. In your case, I don’t think seeing multiple people would actually make you happier. You might end up feeling no satisfaction at all and simply feel empty.

> Because you try to narrow it down to just one person, you end up ruining potentially wonderful encounters yourself. I think choosing just one person and ruining opportunities to meet people are two separate issues. Even if you ultimately decide to focus on one person, I feel like you need to meet several people a few times before you can make that choice. With that in mind, if you start by dating multiple people, I don’t think you’ll be ruining any opportunities. And when you eventually settle on one person, they’ll likely be someone you’re truly satisfied with. Why not try seeing multiple people for now, with the idea that you’re doing so in order to eventually choose just one? If you don’t like that either, then perhaps this kind of arrangement isn’t for you. In that case, you may as well go back to the same approach you used when you found your previous partner. > By the way, the clock on this Q&A site has been off by 9–13 hours this whole time. It’s not like anyone’s inconvenienced, though. That was a topic here a little while ago. Maybe the site is run by a British company, judging by the time it displays? That said, I eventually got fed up and reported it to the developers, so apparently they’re going to have a new employee look into it as part of their training. In other words, I guess it’s considered content that doesn’t really matter.

> You shouldn’t trust the other person in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). You enjoy the “feelings” that still emerge from a relationship where neither of you can truly trust the other. You might have your throat cut in your sleep tomorrow, but you’re still both human, so a fleeting warmth is born between you. You know what I mean? I do. As much as I hate to admit it, I’d like to give Mac ten cushions for that one. If you put into words the tiny bit of romance that exists in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), that’s exactly it. I never trusted Ace in the slightest, and I don’t think she trusted me either. But now we’ve been seeing each other for five years, and before I knew it, we’d both moved beyond papa-katsu. Now Ace messages me saying, “I love you.” She used to be the kind of girl who would never say something like that because she was afraid I’d genuinely fall for her. The girl who has been seeing me for four years and ranks third in my lineup is starting a trial period of living together next month. She’s an unbelievably beautiful woman, every bit as stunning as Ace, and she’d always been wary of me. Whether she finally gave up or came to trust me, she started getting close very quickly and has been saying she wants to live with me for the past year. I kept dodging the subject, but then she suggested trying it for a short period, and I had no choice but to agree. And yet, as I write this, I got stood up for about the twelfth time last night by a beautiful woman I haven’t even met yet. Maybe it was the thirteenth? I’ve lost count. She’s a serious problem child—a blacklisted girl—whom the staff member handling my account entrusted to me, saying, “There’s a girl who may quit the club, but she’s genuinely beautiful and no man other than Makeotoko-san could handle her, so please take care of her.” I really thought we were finally going to meet last night. We’d been messaging and things seemed to be going well. She does stand me up, but it’s cute that she messages me every time saying, “I’m sorry. Are you free on [date]?” So, just like Mac said, a fleeting warmth has started to emerge. Even though we haven’t met yet. Universe Club is fun. I’m honestly nothing but grateful. And I didn’t even answer the question. Oh well, haha.

I think of women as actresses. Popular actresses often take on the lead roles in several dramas or films at the same time, right? If you’re the type who can only focus on one project at a time, this might not be for you.

Let’s rephrase your question from a man’s perspective. > I ruin wonderful opportunities by sabotaging them myself. ↓ That may be true, or perhaps your current partner is actually the most wonderful person you’ll find. Well, there’s always someone better—and someone worse. That’s the way of the world, with no real limit to it. I think it comes down to deciding where you’re willing to settle. In my case, I’ve been seeing the same person for eight years now. She wants to get married, so she’ll have to leave this arrangement soon. I’m currently looking for someone to take her place, but this time, I’m the one having trouble finding anyone! It’s been eight years since I met the woman I’m currently seeing, and I’m honestly starting to become a real old man myself. On top of that, I’m looking for a certain level of companionship, so I keep making offers without being able to actually start seeing anyone. I’ve already left the dating club and am trying to find someone before my Patro membership expires, but its validity period has been extended yet again（笑）

There may be some tricks to it, but they’re not something that can be explained easily in writing here. I think you simply haven’t become skilled enough at it yet. Is there really any connection between trusting someone and seeing multiple people? I believe trust in another person comes from evaluating their past actions. In your case, I think you feel unable to trust them because you’re starting from the assumption that seeing multiple people is wrong. Unless it clearly disadvantages you or the other person, I don’t think seeing multiple people has any effect whatsoever on trust.

By the way, the clock on this Q&A site has been off by 9–13 hours the whole time. It’s not really causing anyone any trouble, though. P.S. Ah, I see—Coordinated Universal Time. For the woman who stayed with you for five years, I’m guessing I was probably her only papa. I’ve been giving her enough support for her to live comfortably on her own, and there’s no sign of it ending anytime soon. I wonder if men also want their partner to focus exclusively on them. That might be impossible even if you got married, though. A man who can afford to pay can do pretty much anything. As a compromise, why not have the pleasant men pay a year’s allowance upfront in one lump sum, and stop looking for so many papas? If you’re as popular as you say, you should be able to do that. How about spreading things across three types: a main papa, a dinner-only papa, and a friend papa?