The other day, I happily accepted an offer from a gentleman, but after the date was finalized, I was a little surprised to see that the restaurant the club sent me details for didn’t really seem suitable for going as part of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—it was a cute, girls’-night-out kind of place. Is this something that happens often? I assume he kindly booked a women-oriented restaurant, but I’m worried about feeling self-conscious around other people and whether I’ll be able to enjoy the date.

Maybe a close call, lol. Her profile said she doesn’t eat much, so I usually go with a meal in a private room. This time, I picked a café right by the station, but when I looked it up online more carefully, I found out that 90% of the customers were women. That was close, that was close. I changed it to a hotel lobby lounge instead. Even if it turns out I was mistaken, I’m glad I asked this question.

Is this something that happens often? I often receive feedback saying that the man didn’t choose a place in advance, and after meeting up, he made the woman wander around with him looking for somewhere, which was exhausting. So I don’t think it’s very common. That said, he does seem like the type of gentleman who chooses a restaurant ahead of time. I imagine he researched some stylish places and settled on that one, but the fact that he didn’t choose somewhere with private rooms makes him seem like he’s still new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I’m worried that pointing this out might cause him to cancel the date, but if you go while feeling anxious, there’s a higher chance that things won’t go well. So I think it would be a good idea to have the staff convey your concerns to him. Something like: “I assume the gentleman kindly made a reservation at a restaurant that would be suitable for me, but I’m worried that I might feel self-conscious with other people watching, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to enjoy the date.” If the restaurant remains unchanged after that, it probably means the date was already too close to cancel. Even so, I think he’ll be a little more considerate. This sort of situation really is difficult, though.

I assumed an offer was only finalized once the date, activities, and meeting place had all been agreed on—not just the date and time. In fact, I’ve had women specify the date activities themselves. For example, if she suggests going for a drive on the very first date, is it okay to simply decline the offer? If you’re feeling uneasy about it, it’s probably best to contact the club and ask them to propose a change.

First, go on the date without canceling at the last minute. After that, it’s entirely up to you whether you want to decline any future arrangements. That said, there’s no such thing as a perfect papa (a male supporter). He may simply be inexperienced with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and thought he was choosing a restaurant women would enjoy. There are plenty of other papas who may cause problems, such as offering a low allowance or being bad about paying, doing things you dislike in an adult relationship (intimate), or trying to restrict you to seeing only him. If you’re getting lots of offers and are in a position to choose, you can just cut this papa loose. But if you aren’t receiving many offers, it may be worth observing him a little longer. If he’s simply inexperienced with papa-katsu, you may be able to guide him over time so that he becomes more to your liking.

I don’t think restaurants typically used for girls’ nights are often chosen for a first meeting. That said, it’s all part of seeing whether you click, so it’s probably fine to meet once and turn him down if you feel a strong sense that something’s off.

It’s tough when you feel uncomfortable right from the start. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s perfectly okay to turn them down. If you feel even the slightest discomfort, it seems likely that it will only grow and become a major source of stress. It really depends on how you view it. If you want papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to be enjoyable, then turning someone down as soon as you feel uncomfortable is the right choice. If you see it as a transactional relationship, you could think of it as being like a job—you may have to put up with some things until the time is up, and turning down the allowance might be a waste. I think it’s fine to judge the situation based on your own perspective and what you want from it. **Additional comment after reading Mac’s answer** If anything, it sounds like the questioner is the one who felt uncomfortable. As Mac wrote, arrangements that are simply “safe and conventional” for papa-katsu may end up being too boring. Even beautiful women who join dating clubs sometimes complain that being picked up in a Ferrari, taken to a luxury hotel, and having someone flaunt the power of money gets old. Women themselves often suggest going for afternoon tea, strawberry fairs, and places like that. And good restaurants don’t have to be high-end—those kinds of places often have plenty of groups of women as customers. Unless you go somewhere like that, I don’t think you can really enjoy the food, atmosphere, or conversation. The more upscale a restaurant is, and the more it’s filled with people on dates with their companions, the less I feel like going in.