A few of the papas who support me live far away. I made the effort to see them at first, but it’s gradually becoming a burden, and I’m torn about whether to tell them I want to end things.
I live in a fairly remote area of Kyushu, and even though the papas in Tokyo, Sapporo, Kanagawa, Osaka, and elsewhere are wonderful, visiting them takes around six hours each way. Honestly, it’s becoming physically exhausting. I work full-time, too, so spending my days off traveling leaves me completely worn out.
For the men and women here, how far is too far for a date—how long would you be willing to travel from home?
I’d appreciate hearing your experiences.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Because of my line of work, I don’t want to meet anyone locally, so I always travel to their area.
It’s usually about three to four hours each way, so I meet up once a month, or twice at most.
Sometimes I make it a day trip, but I also enjoy traveling alone, so I’ll occasionally stay overnight and do some sightseeing.
That said, if it takes more than six hours each way, I feel that meeting once would be fine but maintaining the arrangement would be too much of a burden, so I’ve never made an offer in those cases.
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I handle new and regular arrangements differently.
For a new person, I ask when making the offer whether she can come somewhere within 30 minutes door to door from my home. If she can’t, I don’t make the offer. Actually, lately I’ve been asking whether she can get somewhere just 10 minutes door to door away. I’m terrible, I know....
I used to take the Shinkansen for several hours to meet a woman I liked, but now I have quite a few reliable monthly arrangements, so my motivation has dropped completely. I hardly ever make offers to people who live far away anymore.
With my regulars, though, if I really like her, I’ll go anywhere.
So this turned into a completely unhelpful answer, lol.
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Since you can get to most places in about two hours by plane, do you mean that it takes you three or four hours just to reach that airport?
If so, the time needed to get to the airport or the main dating areas would be specific to each arrangement, so it seems like a journey that would always take that long.
In my case, my usual dating range is about an hour away, or at most around an hour and a half.
For you, adding the three-hour journey from a remote area, traveling for around four hours doesn’t seem particularly unreasonable.
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At first, the six-hour journey probably didn’t feel too bad because it felt like a trip. But if you have to do it every time, the travel itself may start to become exhausting.
If you feel it’s a burden now, I think it’s perfectly fine to end things. That said, if you explain your reasons, he might occasionally come to see you. But if he hasn’t come to see you so far, perhaps that says something about how committed he really is.
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I think ultimately, you should make the decision yourself. Are you curious about what other members have done?
The circumstances may differ between men and women, so this might not be a useful comparison, but I’ve traveled 14 hours one way to meet someone before.
If it feels like too much of a burden, I wonder why you don’t just stop.
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Currently I’m based in Tokyo. Before COVID, I traveled all over the country for work and met people in the cities I visited.
You shouldn’t push yourself. I think it would be better to end things.
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I only meet people in the city where my branch is located. I’ve never invited anyone to or traveled for a date far away.
If you work full-time and are financially comfortable, I think it’s better to pursue papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) only to the extent that it doesn’t interfere with your work.
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You can’t really put the men who pay and the women who receive money on equal footing, but I only do this within the areas I usually spend time in.
I absolutely won’t travel far because I don’t want to spend that much time, and I won’t ask a woman who lives far away to come to me either.
If it takes six hours each way, then unless I’m extremely short on money or the allowance is outrageously high, I’d have no choice but to walk away.
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You say you want something to use as a reference, but if someone answered that 480 minutes each way was their limit, would you really consider continuing the relationship? LOL.
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