I’m meeting someone who says they’ll consider an adult relationship (intimate) if we hit it off after the first meeting. What should I say if I want to turn him down? Would he be too hurt if I just said, “I’m sorry”? lol Maybe I should use my period as an excuse?
Whenever I read questions like, “What should I say?” I find myself, much against my will, feeling murderous (lol).
There are two reasons:
1. It’s embarrassing—they’re asking a bunch of strangers about something that only benefits them, without using even a single cubic centimeter of their own brain.
2. “I don’t want to hurt the other person” really means “I don’t want to get hurt myself,” yet they’re completely unaware of that.
If the person asking had asked me the same question while I was standing there holding a metal hammer, I’d bring it down on their skull without hesitation. Of course, I don’t actually want to bash in the skull of some woman I don’t even know, nor do I want to get arrested for it. So, while suppressing my murderous impulses, allow me to offer this sincere answer:
I think simply saying, “I’m sorry, but I can’t take my panties off,” would be fine. As Kazu-san pointed out, adding this and that will only dig you into a deeper hole, so I recommend going straight down the middle—like Kyūji Fujikawa.
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If someone you don’t like shows up, try confidently saying, “I’m looking for ¥20,000 per meeting,” or even quote a higher amount.
If they go along with it, just bite the bullet and do it once.
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The fact that you’re asking how to turn someone down before meeting probably means you’re looking for dinner only and an allowance, but since men won’t meet you on those terms, you’re presenting it as: “If we click after the first meeting, I’m open to an adult relationship (intimate).”
Well, that’s pretty common on apps.
Men who don’t like that sort of thing would probably save themselves time by going to Universe Club instead of using an app. That’s a little plug for them—but honestly, that’s how I feel.
As for how to turn him down, I think a straightforward “I’m sorry” is perfectly fine.
Giving a reason will probably just make things more complicated, so I think it’s best to keep it simple and clearly say no.
That said, rather than trying to make money through dinner-only arrangements like that, it might be better to target men who are happy with dinner only from the start. Even if that means meeting fewer people.
Then again, maybe you’re confident that once you meet them, you can get them to agree to dinner only.
Good luck.
> Why not confidently say something like, “I’m looking for ¥20,000 per meeting”?
That reminds me—there was a post in the feedback from a woman at Universe Club saying something like:
“I quoted a higher allowance because I planned to turn him down, but he agreed, so I got lucky. However, he turned out to be a terrible man.”
Obviously, you need to name an amount you’d actually be okay with accepting. If he was someone you’d dislike even for ¥20,000, he might agree, and then you could end up in a difficult situation…
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As the other respondents have said, I think you should clearly turn him down.
If you’re on your period, it could be awkward if he wants to set the next date on the spot, and if you schedule something only to cancel at the last minute, it could lead to an even worse outcome.
Wouldn’t it be enough to say, “I talked with him, but we just didn’t click”?
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If the allowance doesn’t work for you, it’s fine to simply say, “The allowance wasn’t right for me.”
If you’re not interested no matter how much allowance they offer, you could say, “I just didn’t feel that way about you.”
When things didn’t work out for me, I protected myself from getting hurt by telling myself, “The money probably just wasn’t right.”
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Women are going into these first meetings fully aware of what they’re getting into, so if you genuinely can’t go through with it, he’s probably used to situations like that too. A simple, straightforward refusal should be fine.
Especially if he uses dating apps, there’s a good chance he’s accustomed to both rejecting people and being rejected.
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I don’t know how you should turn him down, but I think it’s best to be clear and direct.
If you use your period as an excuse, he may simply suggest rescheduling for another day.
Personally, out of roughly 100 women, only two told me they couldn’t meet that day because they were on their period. In both cases, we made plans for another day on the spot.
So rather than just saying you should refuse clearly, I’d say you shouldn’t tell a flimsy lie. A poorly thought-out excuse can only make the situation more complicated.
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