A waitress at a family restaurant I often go to confessed her feelings for me. She’s a college student and is about to graduate and start working full-time. I usually meet women through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I’m not sure how to interact with someone who’s more “ordinary” and about 25 years younger than me.
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We’re going out for a meal soon, but should I give her money for transportation, or would that actually be rude? Should I take her to an upscale restaurant, or somewhere more casual and down-to-earth? I’m really torn.
I went to boys-only schools through high school, and I’ve focused almost entirely on work since college. I’ve never worked as a company employee, and I’m a pretty quiet, unassuming person, so I don’t have much experience interacting with ordinary women younger than me.
What should I do? I find her cute and like her.
I’m single, but of course I’m not looking to get married.
Any advice would be appreciated.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
Does anything really change when it comes to papa-katsu girls? Or are you just that careless with them? Aren’t you making sure they have a good time? Wouldn’t it be fine to treat them the same way and make it enjoyable?
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Not to brag (well, actually, I am bragging), but I’ve had a similar experience. And while there’s a 25-year age gap between the questioner and her partner, mine was 40 years—so I win, I guess?
She and I were tea ceremony companions, and all we’d done was go out for dinner a few times after practice. So I had absolutely no idea what she was after or what her intentions were. I’m happily—and embarrassingly—married, too. And then she confessed her feelings? On the Shinkansen platform at Kyoto Station. I mean, how could I not fall for her?
To cut to the chase, I had no idea what kind of relationship we should have, so eventually I just let things fade out.
As everyone else has said, I don’t think she’s after the questioner’s money. In my case, I had no idea how to show affection except through my financial means, so I gave her a tea bowl from Karatsu ware as a birthday present—and she was completely put off. It was made by a Living National Treasure, though, so I could only laugh awkwardly.
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These days, even when you type something correctly, a different word often appears at the top of the suggestions…
You’re asking for advice, right?
That longtime veteran who’s come up several times is truly a family-restaurant killer, no matter how old he gets. He’s won over everyone from flight attendants to women working the registers, and was still actively doing it well into his seventies.
I think men tend to be at their most attractive in their mid-forties, so relationships with women of any age or any age gap are certainly possible. It’s also perfectly plausible that some women genuinely want to become their girlfriend.
In that veteran’s case, they’re all very down-to-earth places. I think it’s fair to assume that the women find comfort and a sense of ease in being with him and in who he is as a person. If it’s something anyone else could do, or something money alone could provide, then I suppose they could just choose another man.
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What kind of address are they asking for?
If they confessed their feelings and you exchanged contact information, why not discuss the restaurant with them? Since you didn’t meet through an arrangement where an allowance is expected, I don’t think transportation money is necessary.
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