Do you give your papa (a male supporter) birthday presents?

If you have a papa who’s genuinely fallen for you and already gives you quite a bit of financial support, I think it would be okay to buy it for him, considering it an expense to make him fall even harder—provided, of course, that he’s giving you much more than that and that you want to continue seeing him. Or you could say, “How about a one-day pass to spend some sweet, affectionate time with me? I’ll keep the whole day open for you.” That might work too, but if you’re thinking about which option would put less of a burden on you, the first one may be better. It’s fine to indulge people who are generous with you to a certain extent, but you do need to be careful not to let the amount keep increasing. Normally, though, the advice would probably be: “You should break things off with a man like that.”

Since they specifically requested something like that, it would be perfectly natural for them to use it around family or at work, so I think choosing a gift based on the relationship you’ve built so far is a good option. There may also be other possibilities, such as something for their apartment. It would be especially nice if the gift showed that you’d put some thought into choosing it, but gifts can often be more of a burden than a help, so I think making that kind of request is perfectly reasonable.

I’ve never asked for gifts myself. When someone gives me a gift, I feel this compulsion to give back ten times as much, so I prefer something small and simple. (It’s hard to return the favor when you’re seeing multiple people.) More than gifts, I’m thrilled when someone takes me to a theme park, café, or somewhere else he wouldn’t feel comfortable going to on his own.

Is that papa married? I figured that if you buy him a $2,000 bag and he gives you a $2,000 bag, it would be easier for him to answer if his wife saw the credit card statement and asked, “What did you buy?” Having an apartment rented for you sounds generous, but he might be claiming it as a business expense under something like “storage.” Unlike a love hotel, it’s also less likely to arouse his wife’s suspicion. He may even be recording your monthly allowance as salary. If that’s the case, you’d probably be better off either giving him a gift of the same value, as he requested, or keeping the gift to an even lower amount. He’ll appreciate you as a “girl who knows how to read the situation,” and the arrangement is more likely to last. Just make sure you don’t embarrass him by trying to confirm any of this directly. A papa isn’t an unlimited ATM. You should assess his financial situation and circumstances, then deal with each person intelligently on an individual basis. “My other papas did it this way” won’t get you anywhere—you’ll just get dropped. Seriously, not to sound like Kazu, but since you’re in your thirties, I wish you’d use your head a little more.

Sometimes it’s an actual item, and sometimes it’s an experience, but I do receive birthday presents. I think it’s undignified for an adult to beg, even in a relationship involving an allowance, so I never ask for things outright. I also sometimes receive gifts when it isn’t my birthday.