With the papa (a male supporter) I’ve been seeing regularly for about five years, whenever a celebrity comes on TV, he always says things like, “This girl’s ugly, huh?” or “Wait, you think she’s cute?”
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I could just ignore it, but when he says that about women around my age, it bothers me and I end up talking back. Is there any way to get him to stop making those comments? Is it best to just let it go?
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Maybe there’s really nothing else for them to talk about. It would be nice if you could get them to stop watching TV, though.
Since there’s not much else you can do, maybe just let it go in one ear and out the other. They might be saying it because they enjoy getting a reaction when you talk back, so perhaps it’s best to respond indifferently with a simple, “Yeah, exactly,” and leave it at that…
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I’m surprised there are men who say things like that.
If it makes you uncomfortable, it might be best to end the relationship. I don’t think he’ll change even if you bring it up.
That said, I can understand how a man might not know how to respond if a woman says, “She’s so cute—she’s my favorite!” Sometimes people just have different tastes, so I hope you can let that part go.
(Though I don’t think he should be calling anyone ugly.)
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Compared with when we were young, I feel the gap in appearance between ordinary girls and celebrities has narrowed, thanks to improved makeup techniques and greater awareness of beauty.
There are plenty of girls among celebrities who look like they could easily be someone you’d meet in everyday life. Even when someone says a girl is “ugly,” they may only mean she’s toward the lower end of the celebrity spectrum—roughly comparable to an attractive ordinary girl—and not intend it to sound that negative.
Incidentally, I’ve also known girls who watched TV and said, “She’s cute,” or, “That girl is uglier than this one.”
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“Ugly, right?” may mean that, despite young people fawning over her, the older man simply can’t see what’s appealing about her. I think “She’s cute” works the same way.
As people get older, they stop understanding what young people are interested in or how they feel. Even celebrities and idols they used to recognize become completely unfamiliar. At this point, all idols probably look the same to them.
As an older man, he may just be relying on the younger questioner to explain what makes her appealing. The wording may not be appropriate, and it may not be something the questioner can relate to, though.
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My daughter watches popular Korean girl groups and Japanese girl groups, squealing things like “Kyaaah!” and “They’re so cute!” She gets completely absorbed and makes a huge fuss every time…
Meanwhile, I’m watching along and thinking to myself, “One of them is really cute, but aren’t the other 70% or so pretty ordinary? Some of them are even kind of unattractive…”
When it comes to people of the same sex, I’m not very good at judging whether someone is handsome or cute…
Just as genuinely handsome men are pretty rare—maybe 10% or even less—and considering that factors other than appearance also affect how attractive men seem, truly cute women must be even rarer. The ratio at dating clubs may be about the same.
I hope you can read between the lines there.
Still, after being invited to concerts by my daughter and watching the group for years, I’ve gradually learned everyone’s faces, gestures, and movements. I feel like I’ve started to notice each member’s individual charm, outfits, and distinctive traits.
Maybe I’m starting to root for them too—not just because of my daughter…
Perhaps that’s why, when I continue seeing a woman from a dating club for a long time, I increasingly want to support her. These days, I feel like I’m slowly getting pulled into liking her more and more.
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I think the character and decency of people who judge others’ looks by calling them ugly are far uglier themselves.
You might expect that kind of behavior from a middle schooler, but beyond that age, there’s really no excuse for it.
I don’t know how you respond to them, but if they keep saying things like that even after you point it out, then that’s simply the kind of person they are.
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