I’ve had the same papa (a male supporter) for over three years, and he occasionally drives me home after our dates. I’ve only ever told him my nearest station, never my address.
The last time he drove me home, I noticed he was following me afterward. Since then, I wait at least 15 minutes after he drops me off, take a very roundabout route, and only then go home.
Now he says he’ll be coming to the station nearest where I live for work and will be staying at a business hotel—one that’s quite close to my home.
Does this mean he already knows where I live? Why would he go this far just to find out?
I’m thinking I shouldn’t go home for the next two days. We’ve known each other for a long time, so I wish he would just ask me directly. When he acts like this, though, I feel scared and become wary, and I can’t trust him anymore.
Is it okay to tell him that’s how I feel?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Thank you for your questions.
My name is Kurosaki from the Shinsaibashi branch of Universe Club.
Could he already know where you live?
→ It’s possible, but hopefully not.
I’m sorry, but with the information provided, I can’t say for certain—it would just be speculation.
Why does he want to know where you live so badly?
→ Some men do have stalker-like tendencies. Perhaps he feels he needs to know everything about someone he likes.
Is it okay to tell him how you feel about that?
→ If you intend to continue the relationship, I think it would be best to tell him so it doesn’t become a source of stress for you.
If he responds with something like, “I won’t be satisfied unless I know everything about you,” then for both your sakes, it may be best to end the relationship.
You may want to avoid telling him your nearest station from now on as well...
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I’m not interested in my partners’ real names or addresses, so I’ve continued seeing several women for years without either of us sharing any personal information.
I make sure not to go near where they live, and we never take photos together either.
Is that strange?
As for answering your question: if you genuinely want to find out where she lives, there are various ways to do it. Otherwise, either carry on as though nothing happened, or, if it becomes too frightening, gradually fade out of the relationship.
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After three years, a relationship where you’ve never even had a natural opportunity to share your address… what kind of relationship is that??
And both of you just kept meeting like that…
I’m sure all kinds of dysfunction would start to show.
That’s way too weird…
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“Since we’ve been seeing each other for so long, I wish you’d just ask me directly. When you act like this, though, it honestly scares me, makes me wary, and makes it hard for me to trust you.”
Try telling him that. If you want to end things, then end them.
If you can’t break things off smoothly, block him on LINE. If things still take a turn for the worse, you’ll probably need to ask the police for help.
> Does he already know where I live?
> Why does he want to know that badly?
Why not ask him?
If he already knows where you live, you can tell him that you’d be uncomfortable with him coming to your home.
That said, even if you ask why he wants to know, I don’t think it will satisfy his curiosity, so I don’t really see the point in asking why.
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> Since you’ve known each other for a long time, I wish you’d just ask him directly.
Because you wrote, “I’ve only told him my nearest station, not my home address,” it sounds like he did ask once, but you didn’t tell him. You probably want to ask him about it but are afraid he might dislike you if you keep bringing it up, so you’ve been unable to ask.
That said, men—and women, for that matter—can sometimes become stalkers. With that in mind, I think it may be better not to tell him.
A hotel quite close to your home may have been a coincidence. But choosing a hotel near your nearest station—depending, of course, on how large or prominent the station is—probably means he deliberately chose a hotel near your station.
> Why does he want to know where I live so badly?
I can’t know what his particular preferences are, but perhaps he likes you so much that he wants to know everything about you. It feels like he may be just one step away from becoming a stalker, so I think you should stay cautious.
Not going home for those two days also seems like a reasonable precaution.
> Do you think he already knows where I live?
I don’t think he knows, but ultimately, only he would know for sure.
> Is it okay to tell him how I feel?
I don’t think you should give him your address, but I think it’s okay to say something like:
“I feel scared when you try to find out where I live. I also feel scared when you stay at a hotel near my nearest station.”
However, you’ll probably need to follow that up with some reassuring words as well, so it’s important to be considerate and avoid making him angry.
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Honestly, I’m impressed by the questioner’s papa-katsu skills—they’ve kept things going for three years without telling him where they live. The papa is gradually testing the waters, but he’s doing it carefully and little by little, so I don’t think he’s a bad papa.
At this point, I think it’s better to keep vaguely evading the question without giving him a clear answer.
Because from the man’s perspective, it’s easier to accept the end when he doesn’t know your real name or where you live. He can idealize you in his own mind. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
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I have three questions.
① Does that mean he’s already found out where you live?
② Why does he want to know where you live so badly?
③ Is it okay to tell him how you feel about it?
① I don’t know.
② This question assumes that he has already found out where you live, but maybe he’s genuinely fallen for you and has stalker tendencies. When you like someone, it’s natural to want to know everything about them. It’s similar to fans wanting to know where celebrities live and what their private lives are like. In many cases, they simply want to know, and it doesn’t lead to any actual harm beyond that.
③ If he really did investigate where you live, then sure, but otherwise, from his perspective, he’s being unfairly labeled a stalker for no reason, so he’d feel pretty awful. Until clear evidence turns up, I’d consider this a situation to keep an eye on.
The main source of the questioner’s anxiety is probably that you were followed the last time he drove you home, right?
Are you sure it was really that man? Is it possible you mistook someone who looked similar?
I have a partner coming over to stay the night at seven, and I’m writing this answer to kill time until then. We’re going out for Spanish food—then I’m wondering what we should do for fun afterward.
Also, why does this question say “Please respond urgently”? That’s what I’m more curious about.
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I don’t know whether he’s figured it out, but if you’ve told him your nearest station, I’d say it’s probably just a coincidence that the hotel is so close to your place.
That’s just a guess, though.
I have no idea why he’d want to know where you live, since I don’t have that kind of urge myself.
I find it strange that, despite knowing each other for so long, you can’t even say “That’s creepy” when he’s being creepy. I don’t know whether you should tell him how you feel, but it’s quite something that you’re still dating a man who follows you around.
I’m at my partner’s place, and they’re going to be home late because of a work dinner, so I’m bored and decided to answer your question.
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