When I was intimate with someone I was meeting for the first time, he naturally tried to go without a condom. When I asked him to put one on, he said, “That killed the mood,” and things ended there. He said he didn’t like condoms and asked, “Most people don’t use them, right? Were your previous papas the opposite and always wore them?” He seemed upset.

I have “I use condoms” written in my profile, so I don’t think I’ve ever been asked about it before.

With apps and dating sites, it seems more common to discuss the terms in advance, including whether protection will be used. With Universe Club, however, it’s presented strictly as an arrangement to meet for a meal. I believe the staff explain during the interview that it isn’t an arrangement for sex, and that prostitution is prohibited. (I get a fair number of questions here along the lines of, “What do you mean prostitution is prohibited?” I do wonder what’s confusing about simply being told that prostitution is prohibited by law, though.) So I think any prior negotiation would be something that happens after the relationship moves into a more personal, mutually consensual arrangement. Normally, it seems people discuss only the allowance and not protection. That said, more male members have recently been coming over from apps, so if protection isn’t discussed, some may later claim they can’t pay the allowance because it wasn’t included in the terms. Of course, if that happens, I imagine reporting it to the club would lead to one of two outcomes: either the man pays the woman’s allowance afterward, or he’s forcibly expelled. Still, it’s better to avoid trouble where possible, so after the allowance has been agreed on, perhaps while you’re on the way somewhere, it may be a good idea to say something like, “Please use protection.”

A few women have asked me to use a condom while we were discussing the allowance before going to a hotel. Personally, I think it’s a given, especially when meeting someone for the first time. So even when I’m asked, I simply assume she’s had an experience similar to the questioner’s and say, “Of course.” If it’s something to negotiate, some people also discuss beforehand whether protection will be used or not.

I don’t bother saying it every time, but I consider using protection a given, so I always keep what works for me on hand. People who say things like that are probably saying the same thing to other partners too, so I think the risk of catching an STI is high. Rather than put yourself at risk for the amount of one allowance payment, I think it’s better to just take the transportation money, say goodbye, and report him to the club.

Report him to the staff right away. For what it’s worth, when discussing the allowance, I tell them, “Of course, I’ll always use protection properly.” Unless we have an exceptionally close relationship, going without protection isn’t even an option, so it’s not up for negotiation. I try to be considerate so the woman feels a little less anxious.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve met and had sex with seven new women through an app (Paters) and one through Univa. With the app, we can exchange LINE contacts and message beforehand, so I send them this standard message: “We’ll meet at [time] at [location]. If we’re both okay with it, the allowance for an adult relationship (intimate) will be [amount]. If either of us isn’t feeling well, it’ll be [amount], and we’ll part ways immediately. We’ll use condoms. As for the location, I rent an apartment specifically for this kind of purpose, so I’d like to meet there. I won’t secretly film you or do anything strange. Even if we have an adult relationship (intimate), we’ll be done by [time].” With Univa, you can’t message beforehand, so I explain everything verbally when we meet. I’d prefer to send it in writing, though. Anyway, during first-time sex, I don’t do bareback oral, kissing, or cunnilingus. We use condoms for oral sex and penetration for about five minutes, in the missionary and rear-entry positions. We finish without ejaculation, since it’s just to see how things feel. Occasionally, if it feels exceptionally good, I continue until ejaculation. Immediately afterward, I take them to a doctor friend of mine for STI testing. In the past, we tested throat rinse samples, vaginal/cervical swabs, and blood. Recently, we test the throat and vagina first, with the blood test done later. I only have the women tested for blood-borne infections if I’m considering a long-term relationship with them. For reference, throat rinse testing detects gonorrhea and chlamydia. Vaginal/cervical swabs detect gonorrhea, chlamydia, Mycoplasma, and trichomoniasis. Blood tests detect syphilis, HIV, and hepatitis C. Here are the results: Paters, ages 18–21 1. Throat: negative / Vagina: positive for gonorrhea and chlamydia 2. Throat: positive for chlamydia / Vagina: positive for chlamydia 3. Throat: negative / Vagina: positive for gonorrhea, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis 4. Throat: negative / Vagina: positive for chlamydia 5. Throat: positive for gonorrhea / Vagina: negative 6. Throat: positive for chlamydia / Vagina: positive for chlamydia and Mycoplasma 7. Throat: positive for gonorrhea / Vagina: positive for chlamydia Univa, early 20s Throat: negative / Vagina: negative All seven women from the app had an STI. The one woman from Univa tested negative in both samples. I also have a urine test every time, and my results have always been negative. So I believe this supports my policy of avoiding mucous-membrane and bodily-fluid contact. That said, I decided to continue seeing two of the women from the app based on an overall assessment of: 1. How she felt vaginally and her condom-protected oral skills 2. Her appearance and personality 3. Her reaction when I told her the test results You might think, “The lower STI rate among women from Univa compared with the app could be useful for advertising.” That may be true, but in the past, there have also been cases where women I met through Univa—who initially had no STIs—later became infected. Even within the past few months, there were two cases: 1. I met someone through a dating app, and she told me, “You don’t need a condom.” I ended up contracting Mycoplasma from her. 2. Another woman told me, “You’re the only person I’m having sex with,” but one day she had her first outbreak of genital herpes. Apparently, she got carried away at a drinking party and did something with someone else, but kept it from me. The first woman told me honestly, so I took her to get tested. She received treatment, tested negative, and we’re still seeing each other. The second woman lied to me, so I ended the relationship as a penalty. What I’m trying to say is that the important things aren’t the STI rates, but rather: 1. The man’s awareness of protecting himself 2. When choosing a woman, determining whether she’s the kind of person who will honestly tell you if she has had sex with another man I know that papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) supporters with an approach like mine are rare. However, I don’t think you can prevent STIs without being this thorough. Even if women from Univa seem to have a lower rate of STIs, there’s no guarantee one of them won’t pick something up somewhere tomorrow.

There are certainly men who insist on going without protection. Personally, I wouldn’t want an adult relationship (intimate) with a woman who’s okay with that, either. The reason is that if she has unprotected sex with anyone, there’s a higher risk that she may carry an STI. It’s rare for women to bring up whether to use protection or not. Since it’s difficult for men to bring it up as well, I imagine it’s not an easy topic to discuss. Even after entering the hotel, you should clearly say, “No means no. If you don’t use protection, it counts as non-consensual sex.” And don’t forget to contact the club after leaving the hotel!

Sometimes I tell them during the first meeting that I’ll use a condom, and sometimes I don’t. It depends on how the conversation goes. As an aside, there are a fair number of women who prefer going without one. I’m the one who ends up being shocked. There have been many times when, during the flow from oral sex, a woman has kissed me while on top, then seemed to fiddle with my dick using her hand before suddenly lowering herself onto me from above. There are also quite a few women who prefer finishing inside. That said, I think it’s probably because I give an allowance that’s more than double the going rate. Maybe it’s like, “I want to keep this older guy around, so I’ll go without a condom to win him over.” After going without one, I always take azithromycin. It would be the worst if I passed something back and forth with another monthly partner. Azithromycin gives me terrible diarrhea, so I’d rather not take it, but I don’t have much choice… I remember writing something like this in the past and making Misato and Rin absolutely furious—sweating bullets. But it’s the truth. By the way, it’s not that going without one feels better or that condoms make me lose interest. I basically always use one. As Mac mentioned in an answer to another question, the rate of STIs among women is alarmingly high, so going without a condom scares me.