This is my first time asking a question.

Thank you for your question! I’m Yuki Higashino from Universe Club Osaka. We very rarely hear about this kind of trouble, but even when people think, “There’s no way I’m giving her that much money” or “Could this be a scam?” they apparently end up feeling sympathetic and handing it over anyway... If you strongly want to help your PJ, I’d recommend at the very least keeping a record of her identification, such as her ID...! Yuki Higashino Universe Club Osaka

In short, you should absolutely avoid paying upfront. The woman is demanding a large sum even though you’ve only met a few times. Her true feelings are probably something like: “This papa pays ¥80,000 per meeting—what a great deal. He must really like me. I mean, that’s only natural since I’m young and cute. Well, maybe it’s time to see how much I can squeeze out of him—several hundred thousand yen, perhaps.” That said, it seems that most men involved in papa-katsu have had an experience similar to yours. Our extremely popular papa apparently had a college girl he’d met several times ask him a few years ago to cover her rent because she couldn’t pay it. He refused, and they eventually drifted apart. I’m a woman myself, so I understand this: asking an older man you haven’t known for very long to give you money without even meeting him means she has completely taken him for granted. If she truly valued her relationship with you, she would never do something she knew would make you suspicious or risk being disliked by you. The fact that she’s doing this means she has little to no respect for you. I hope you can use this experience to learn how to distinguish between decent women in papa-katsu and those who aren’t. Honestly, women in papa-katsu are taking advantage of older men far too much. If they get carried away just because they’re young and cute, their character will gradually deteriorate, so they need to be careful. We should all take note.

This reeks. There’s so much to call out here—like making ridiculous demands after only taking off her underwear and opening her legs three times, and using card payments as an excuse. The biggest problem isn’t that she’ll disappear after getting the money; it’s that she’ll keep begging you for money from now on. If the reason is her credit card payments, ask to see the bill. Then have her set a monthly spending limit. If you make that the condition for paying in advance, I have a feeling she’ll disappear. Give it a try! That woman is sick. STIs aren’t the only danger, you know.

Since you don’t meet very often this time—which probably means she isn’t that interested in you—and because she wants the money sent by bank transfer, I think it would be best to end things. Even if it’s only the first month, if you’ve built a relationship of trust with a woman from a dating club, she won’t disappear just because you give her 100,000 or 200,000 yen. In fact, I’m about to meet one such woman today. On the other hand, I gave another woman 30,000 or 40,000 yen during the COVID-19 pandemic, but it became difficult to meet, we gradually drifted apart, and we never saw each other again. In my case, the woman didn’t bring up the money herself—I noticed her circumstances and offered it. So that point is different from your situation. If you’ve only met three times so far, why not start by meeting four or five times in close succession, perhaps almost every day? If meeting that frequently feels natural for both of you—and isn’t a burden—I think it would be best to give her three to ten times the amount she has in mind upfront. In my experience, giving an awkwardly small amount has only ended up being wasted money. As things stand, doesn’t she seem to find even meeting you somewhat bothersome…? Based on your question, it sounds as though she may be sending the same message indiscriminately to everyone. Also, if you’re going to give her money, the sooner after meeting her and the larger the amount, the more effectively your feelings will come across. Even giving it on the first day can have a strong effect—in fact, especially on the first day. I mentioned the frequency of your meetings at the beginning, but I think that depends on how much you like her. If you really liked her, I imagine you would already have been meeting more often.

At most, I’d advance one meeting’s allowance. If they stop responding, losing that amount wouldn’t hurt too much. *I’d still report them to the club as someone to avoid if they became unreachable, though.* Since you haven’t met many times yet and it would be a problem if you could no longer contact them, why not ask if you can make a note of their photo ID? That said, there’s a good chance it could lead to trouble, so I think it would be best to decline.

Personally, I’ve had several women ask me to pay several meetings’ worth of allowance upfront. So far, none of them have failed to come through, but I’ve never had anyone ask me during the second month of seeing each other. What I would do is, for example, if it were four meetings’ worth, either meet four days in a row or, if I felt like it, pay the full four-meeting amount the next time we met. If I paid in advance, I’d still offer her the allowance the next time we met. If she accepted it, that would be the end of the relationship; if she refused and returned it, I’d continue seeing her. That said, if she’s someone I’m unsure enough about to ask other people for advice, I’d also be concerned about the nerve it takes to make that request after only a little over a month of dating, as well as asking me to send it by bank transfer. I’d probably turn her down, saying, “We’ve only met three times.”

You hear this kind of story all the time. In most cases, they stop responding as soon as they receive the money. My parents taught me, “If you lend someone money, lend it with the mindset that you’re giving it to them.” If you trust this PJ, then I think you should lend it to her. Since next month’s payment will come due before you’ve met four times, the amount you lend could snowball.

I’ve had around ten experiences like this. What matters is how much you like the woman, and whether you can truly think, “Even if she disappears, I won’t resent her at all.” The largest amount I’ve ever paid upfront was ¥1.4 million. She continued to meet me faithfully. Once she had finished repaying me through our adult relationship (intimate), I gave her the same amount upfront again. She continued to meet me regularly, and now she’s one of my two top partners. She was a Type B. On the day we met, I proposed a monthly arrangement, and the day after our first adult date, I transferred ¥1.4 million to her. Looking back, it was quite a gamble, but in the end, I won. My other top partner is someone I gave ¥1 million to after telling her in advance that she didn’t need to repay it. In her case as well, it was to help repay her debts. I gave her the money before we had an adult date, so that was another gamble. On the day we met for a dinner date, I proposed a monthly arrangement of ¥500,000 for three meetings a month—two adult dates and one dinner date. I gradually increased her allowance, and that’s how things have continued to this day. More recently, there was a woman I gave ¥400,000 upfront. Things are uncertain with her. So far, I’ve only touched her breasts. She may end up fading out of my life. She isn’t with Universe Club, but there’s also a woman I gave ¥1.3 million to whom I now meet for dinner only once every two years. She has almost certainly disappeared, but I can’t say for sure that she has, so I suppose it can’t be helped. Not every arrangement works out, and some women do disappear. However, it’s also true that without taking a gamble, it can be difficult to grow closer to a woman. The two women I took the biggest risks with have stayed in my life for a long time. Both of them have partners, but that has nothing to do with me. Judging from the other answers, the conclusion is probably, “It’s best not to pay upfront.” Still, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) has its romantic side. I don’t know whether I’ve truly found that romance, but having a young, beautiful woman by your side is a wonderful way to live. ■What I’d like to say to women When asking a papa (a male supporter) for an upfront payment like this, you should offer him some kind of benefit. There’s absolutely no advantage for the papa in paying ¥320,000 upfront for four meetings at ¥80,000 each. So I think it would be better to say something like, “I’ll meet you five times next month, so would it be possible to receive ¥320,000 upfront for four of those meetings?” I’ve never had a woman make me an offer that gave me some benefit in exchange for paying upfront. Every time, I agree to a lump-sum advance payment while half wondering, “Isn’t she going to make it a better deal for me?” > If I give her the allowance for future meetings as well, I give her another allowance at our next meeting. If she accepts it, that’s where the relationship ends. If she refuses it and gives it back, I continue the relationship. That’s clever. I see—there was a way to test things like this. I learned something. I’ll try it next time.

“If you pay upfront, there’s a 95% chance you’ll never be able to contact her again afterward.” — Sadaharu Inui Why not skip the bank transfer and arrange to meet right away, then give her four times the usual amount for a single date? That way, even if she cuts off contact afterward, you won’t have to worry about her failing to pay you back. (Though paying ¥320,000 for one date would still be quite a blow.) If you’re lucky, there’s also a chance you’ll be able to continue seeing each other as before. However, to prevent her from taking advantage of this and asking for more later, I think you should clearly say that this is a one-time exception. Still, I think the best option is to do nothing. If you’re talking about a woman you’ve been seeing for over a year, then even if you are being deceived, it wouldn’t amount to that much when spread over a year, so I’d understand transferring the money. In general, though, you should assume that you won’t get it back.