I’ve been in a monthly arrangement for just under a year with a male member in his seventies who is an executive I met through Universe. We do have an adult relationship (intimate), but I’d like either to end things or change it to a dinner-only relationship, so I’m sorry this will be a long post, but I’d really appreciate some advice.

I don’t think there’s any man who would agree if a woman suddenly said, “I’d like to stop being intimate and just meet for meals.” Anyone who doesn’t realize that is either incredibly insensitive or has become numb to everything because they’re so focused on getting money. How do you even come up with a question like that? I could understand it if she had wanted dinner-only from the beginning. As for how to turn her down, Maezawa’s answer is more than sufficient. Someone as insensitive—or emotionally numb—as the questioner will only hurt the other person more, no matter how carefully they try to phrase it. Putting that aside, questions like this can be an opportunity to think about one’s future in this lifestyle. I’m in my sixties too. Looking back, I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) seven or eight years ago, after a friend invited me. Before that, I had pursued women on my own, without relying on money. Some people might say that using the word “hunt” is inappropriate, and maybe they’re right. But to me, it’s the most honest way to describe it. There weren’t that many women, but my preferred way of having fun and my interests were similar to what they are now. The difference was that, since I wasn’t spending money, I held back somewhat and never fully let my instincts take over. Once money entered the picture—and since the women were openly motivated by money—I felt more mentally at ease. I ended up doing almost everything I’d wanted to try: the Magic Mirror van, outdoor shoots, mixed bathing at hot springs, experience-based bars, and so on. Recently, though—about a year ago, I think—I was turned down three times in a row after making regular offers through Univa. The first was because we couldn’t agree on the allowance amount; she said she wanted seven or more, so I immediately got up and left. The second didn’t work out because we couldn’t really communicate—she was supposedly type B or C, I forget which. The third already had a papa who was continuing to see her with a fairly generous allowance, so there was no room for me at five. I’d had disappointing experiences before, but being turned down three times in a row made me wonder whether there might be some reason on my end that I hadn’t noticed. If there was, I felt it was probably my age. Around then, I started finding it tiresome to make my own offers through Univa. I’m afraid of looking at myself in the mirror that is Univa. Some people might say I should simply offer a higher allowance. But how should I put it? An allowance is only supposed to be a boost. If the boost gets so high that the real me disappears underneath it, that doesn’t feel right. That’s also why I’m so particular about keeping it at five. I’m truly glad that over these past few years I had the chance to fully indulge in and work through my preferences. They’ve finally found peace. I have no regrets. My impression after reading this question is that a seventy-year-old man who is still fixated on erections and ejaculation should have had much more fun when he was younger and healthier, and should have acted out more of the fantasies in his head. As for me, once I can no longer get hard, I’ll be able to retire from this world cleanly and without hesitation. That’s where my mind is now. That said, even without making my own offers through Univa, a friend who uses dating apps keeps looking for girls I’d like, saying, “Mac-san still has to keep going for a while yet.” I also enjoy drawing out the emotional struggles and darker sides of these girls and helping them look for ways forward, and I’m confident that I’m good at it. In fact, I’m meeting a girl around twenty for the first time at lunchtime today, and we’re planning to have some intimacy, at least for now. Since she’s from an app, the allowance is three. People say, “Five through an app is unheard of these days.” I have to be careful not to disrupt the going rate and cause trouble for the friend who introduces them to me. So, I’m still able to stay active. Unlike the questioner’s seventy-something papa, I can still get fully aroused and climax without any problems, so I’ll continue for a while longer. But when it comes down to it, after all the strange preferences have run their course, what remains is that clean, happy feeling after climaxing. That’s really all there is to it. When you’re young, you take that feeling for granted, and on top of it you have the pseudo-romance, unconventional play, and the desire to smugly show off that “I’m still popular.” Anyway, we’re meeting at noon, so I’d better get going.

> If you want to end the relationship itself, you could simply send, “I won’t be able to see you anymore. I’m sorry,” and then block him afterward.

First, here’s my honest reaction after reading the questioner’s lengthy post. 1. You can go on and on—far more than necessary—about your papa’s situation and your own feelings, yet you can’t write even a single word to turn him down. What’s going on in your head? 2. The details may be true from your perspective, but did you give even a moment’s thought to your papa’s privacy? If he read this, I’m sure he’d be furious. You have zero consideration for him. Is there anything left in your head? 3. You didn’t spend even one second thinking about what to do about the most important issue—your future with your papa—and instead came here to ask for free advice. Has your brain completely leaked out? I apologize for being rude. As an apology for my bluntness, here’s my suggestion. The reason you can’t tell your papa how you really feel is simply that you don’t want to be the bad guy. Stop making excuses and tell him, prepared to take whatever verbal abuse may come your way. If you’re ready for that, you can be completely direct. I can’t tell from your post, but I think that would be your way of repaying the kindness your papa has shown you. However, if his reaction goes beyond verbal abuse—stalking or threats, for example—take firm action. In that case, make protecting yourself your top priority.

Why not tell him you’d like to keep things to dinner only, and say the reason is simply that you’re experiencing pain during intercourse or dealing with some gynecological condition? If you haven’t built the kind of relationship where you can frankly tell him that he has bad breath or body odor, pointing out all his other shortcomings will only make both you and the old man uncomfortable. You were accepting an allowance and allowing this wrinkled old man to be intimate with you, so I honestly have to wonder why you feel the need to meddle so much—or why you think you have the right to intrude into his personal affairs. It comes across as nothing more than self-importance. If you aren’t prepared to take care of him personally, getting involved halfway is a bad idea. If you can’t even be casual tea-drinking friends, I think blocking his contact would be better for him too. Being estranged from his children is entirely the result of his own failings. If you have no intention of looking after this old man for the rest of his life, while still making sure you can retreat to safety yourself, then frankly, your claims of feeling sorry for him seem frighteningly self-protective.

You’re not going to get wet with some old guy, are you? You should’ve brought lubricant from the start. After that, it’s probably a matter of weighing the money against the hassle. You could call it a love of money. He’s such an old geezer he can’t even notice his own bad breath. Tell him straight: he’s going to end up estranged from his family.

It’s impressive that you managed to keep it going for a whole year. Still, with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I don’t think you need to force yourself to continue at all. Rather than negotiating to make it dinner only (no intimacy), I think it would be better to cut things off cleanly. I’m a man myself, so I may not be able to give the best advice, but without getting too specific, wouldn’t something like this work? “I don’t feel like we’re compatible, and lately things have started to feel awkward. I’d like to end our arrangement.”

Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is a business arrangement, so you have to think in terms of cost-effectiveness. If a papa (a male supporter) gives you less than ¥50,000 per meeting and makes you think, “If you’re going to get moody, why not work, earn your own money, and treat me with the composure of a gentleman?” then you can cut him off immediately. On the other hand, if he gives you ¥100,000 per meeting, it might be worth putting up with him even if he smells bad. If all you say is “He smells” and “He’s old,” the inevitable response will be, “It’s not something you should force yourself to continue.” So at the very least, people need details such as whether the allowance is high or low, how many hours you’re tied up, and whether you have any other papas. The answers will be completely different depending on whether he’s your only papa and the allowance is decent, or whether you have other papas and this older, smelly papa is low-paying.