I’d really appreciate your advice.
It seems my papa (a male supporter) has found another favorite girl, and the way he treats me has become noticeably careless.
I made a bit of a clingy, melodramatic move, indirectly pressing him about whether he had a favorite girl and saying things like, “Is that why you’ve been treating me this way?” He ended up telling me I was being a hassle and asking what would change even if that were true. He didn’t deny it either.
I regret the way I phrased things, but I like him, so of course it still hurts. I never expected to create such an awkward atmosphere between us.
The one thing that reassured me was that, despite saying I was being a hassle, he also said he was fine with our relationship continuing as it is.
We’ve been together for about two years, and we know each other fairly well. I think we could continue as before if I can go back to being sweet and kind to him.
However, I feel like I need to do something about this favorite girl, because the position I once held as his number one has clearly been taken from me now… *cries*
He has become cold toward me before. At that time, he really was busy with work and his family, so although it was painful, I could endure it because there wasn’t another woman involved.
There have also been other women around him before, but he still treated me well, so I never became this worried because I thought they would disappear soon. And in fact, they did.
Recently, I could feel him becoming colder, and I was lonely, so I wasn’t able to be kind to him. That makes this other girl look even better by comparison. Even if I go back to being a good girl, he may remember that I said troublesome things and end up keeping me in second place, won’t I? *cries*
What can I do to make his feelings come back?
Until now, my approach has been to put him first, make him feel important, praise him, and be affectionate toward him.
My papa has a strong sense of self-love, so he likes girls who make him feel good about himself. I think clingy behavior like what I described above, or speaking to him condescendingly, is probably what he dislikes most.
Please advise me on what I should do now to remain his number one.
If possible, how can I stop the relationship between those two from getting started?
The only thing I can think of is to make him feel as comfortable and happy as possible when he’s with me.
I used to tell him whenever the subject came up, “I wouldn’t want to stay if you found someone like that, so please break up with me when the time comes.”
But now that the time has actually come, I don’t know what to do.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
In this situation, I’d put some distance between myself and this papa and look for someone else.
If you can give him some space, he might come back eventually. Maybe things only get worse because you keep chasing him.
Besides, do you really like a papa who makes you feel this way that much? He’s not devoted to you at all.
He’ll probably keep getting distracted by other women from time to time, and he’ll likely try to replace you as his number one. It’s not that you lack appeal—he’s simply the kind of person who does that.
There are plenty more papas out there, and I’m sure you’ll find one who makes you his undisputed number one. To do that, though, you need to let go of your attachment to this guy and keep meeting people. Take care of yourself and do your best.
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Since money is inevitably involved between a man and woman who meet through a dating club, I judge my relationship with each girl based on various factors: how much she likes me, whether she opens up about personal things, whether there seem to be other men in the picture, and so on.
When I feel that a girl considers me her top priority, I treat her as my top priority too. But if she seems to feel, “I guess this papa is good enough,” without having particularly strong feelings for me, then if I meet another girl who interests me, she naturally becomes a lower priority, and I end up gradually fading out.
Even if you ask, “What should I do? How can I get you to spend time and show affection for me like you used to?” I doubt you’d get much of a response. They’d probably just think it was a hassle.
Unless a man is extremely devoted, he’s naturally going to be curious about newly registered women, and if someone who’s his type appears, he’ll probably make her an offer. But even if they meet and things progress to an adult relationship (intimate), it may not be that enjoyable. There have also been many times when I realized anew how great the girl I’d been seeing all along was and started treating her more carefully.
So I think it’s important to keep working on yourself while also having the patience to wait things out a little. But if it seems hopeless and you absolutely can’t stand not being his top priority, wouldn’t it be better to end things and focus your energy on finding a new papa (a male supporter)?
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If he makes a woman feel that way, he’s probably the type of man who gets bored easily and won’t stick around for more than a few years.
With someone who’s in it for the long haul, a woman would generally feel more secure and develop a deeper sense of trust as the years go by.
You can’t build a happy relationship while constantly feeling anxious. I don’t think it will deepen or improve from where it is now.
Men who get bored easily seem to be more common, so if you’re feeling this way now, it may be best to move on after two or three years.
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If you’re prepared for the possibility of ending things, why not ask him frankly whether there’s another woman or not?
You can’t make the right decision without understanding the situation correctly.
When it comes to playing hard to get, the basic rule is to pull back when the other person comes on strong, and to make a move or close the distance when they pull back. In any relationship—including romantic ones—maintaining the right amount of distance is important.
If you’re the only one being indulgent, you’re the one constantly closing the gap, and I don’t think you’re maintaining a healthy distance.
As long as you don’t want to break up, he’ll find you suffocating and treat you as someone he can discard whenever he feels like it.
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If you fall for your papa, you lose.
Try finding a papa like me—short, fat, and bald, but generous when it comes to the allowance.
McDonald’s company is still making money as usual, huh? Impressive as always.
The secretary told me, “Do you have an appointment with the president? If not, it may be difficult for you to meet him.”
So I thought I might not be able to see him after all. *sweat*
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Since your relationship with him has lasted about two years, I don’t think he’s the type who simply wants to have sex with lots of different women.
If, after being involved with you for around two years, he has now made an offer to another woman, he may have had some kind of dissatisfaction with you or with your relationship.
That dissatisfaction may not be anything serious. Maybe he was looking for someone who drinks because you don’t, or perhaps he wanted to have sex twice but felt you weren’t willing to accommodate him.
The fact that he seems to be turning his attention to another woman could simply be because the relationship is still new, making her seem fresh and exciting. Or maybe he prefers her looks, or she fulfills a sexual preference that he hadn’t told you about—or that you had refused.
It’s also possible they discovered a shared hobby and he enjoys going on dates with her.
In any case, it’s unlikely that guessing and taking random measures will solve the problem. I think you should first try to understand why he made an offer to another woman and what attracted him to her.
Once you’ve identified the cause, you can decide what to do.
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If you’re not that desperate for money, I think the best option is to walk away on your own before he cuts you off. Try looking for another papa (a male supporter) who will treat you as his number one. You might find one surprisingly quickly.
But if you don’t have that much confidence as a woman and think you’ll never find another papa like him, then give up on being number one, somehow suppress those feelings, and hang on. Eventually, his excitement over his new girl may die down, and you might find yourself back on top again—“Actually, I prefer her after all.” That’s probably the next-best option. Just as he seems to have grown tired of you, there will definitely come a time when he gets tired of the new girl too.
Since he did make you his number one once, I basically think he likes you. I have girls in a similar position, too. You should become his home port: “Have a good time, but make sure you come back to me. I’ll always be here waiting for you just as I am.”
Come to think of it, one of the women I know has exactly this kind of stance—she’s been in a weekend common-law relationship for over 20 years.
Have you heard the saying, “Men want to be a woman’s first man, while women want to be a man’s last woman”? The person who ends up being with him in the end is the true number one.
In short, don’t panic—that’s how you lose.
Still, as I said at the beginning, I think the best solution is to walk away on your own before he cuts you off. That will do the least damage to you.
Speaking of which, Mr. Loser suddenly showed up at my office today. Apparently, he “happened to be nearby after meeting a papa-katsu girl, so he thought he’d drop by.” It was only the second time I’d seen him in several years, but he’s still the same short, fat, bald, pathetic old man. He wrote that he works out, but that’s definitely a lie. Anyway, do your best relying on the power of your money.
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