I’m a little curious about swinging bars, so I asked a papa who seemed fun and easygoing if he’d like to go with me sometime, but none of them seemed interested. Are most men just not that interested in them?

I agree with Kazu. Maybe you’re simply inviting the wrong person. I understand that there are women who genuinely enjoy happening bars. Personally, though, I’ve rarely had a good time at them. There are several issues: 1. They aren’t very hygienic. Despite my appearance, I’m actually somewhat particular about cleanliness, and by my standards, very few places pass the hygiene test—especially the restrooms. I’ve even gotten permission from an owner to clean one myself (lol). Some establishments do have shower rooms (which may be illegal?), but far too many have filthy shower curtains. That’s my impression, at least. Maybe I just haven’t found a truly clean place. 2. Men come first. Happening bars are basically places where men’s fantasies are brought to life. Too many places claim to “respect women’s wishes” but don’t actually do so—in my experience, anyway. There are quite a few women who were brought there by men against their wishes. That would be bad enough, but I also get the impression that some women end up unable to refuse participating because they’re swept up by the men or the atmosphere of the place. I don’t dislike the questioner’s curiosity about “just taking a peek,” but I really wouldn’t recommend it. In the past, two women asked me to take them, and afterward they both said, “You were right, Joe.” Of course, this is only my personal opinion.

I think a swingers’ bar is a place where solo women are treated like royalty, so it’s probably safer to go alone.

I have absolutely no interest in lifestyle clubs.

I’m in Sakae, so would you like to go to a swingers’ bar with me, questioner? I’ve never been to one with a girl before, though lol. The limit of my perversion is having a girl pee in the bathroom, washing my hands in it while watching her embarrassed face. I’m really not that kinky after all… Me.

Why not just go alone like a normal person? For starters, going as a couple usually means swapping, mutual watching, group sex, or cuckolding. So instead of looking for someone who’s just there for the vibe, you should be looking for a papa (a male supporter) with those kinds of preferences. Isn’t the questioner mistaking the club for some kind of party venue? It’s not a place where you go drinking and yell, “Yee-haw!” Every now and then, you do get first-timers who show up all hyped because they’re nervous and trying to psych themselves up, though. Of the options I listed above—swapping, mutual watching, group sex, and cuckolding—I guess what I do would fall under group sex. Of course, it’s all done with the girl’s consent. At a swingers’ bar, I have her pick out a younger guy, then I approach him and get a few other men nearby involved too, building things up into a scene where several men take turns with her—a gang-rape role-play, basically. It’s just “pretend,” of course. A rape fantasy role-play. Let me repeat: this is limited to girls who have discussed it beforehand and said, “I’m interested. I want to try it.” There are definitely women who enjoy that kind of thing. Women’s preferences vary just as much as men’s. Age has nothing to do with it. In fact, I currently have two girls who go with me to swingers’ bars for this kind of play—one is 18 and the other is 24—and the 18-year-old is actually the more proactive one. Even when I say, “We should head home soon,” she’ll pout while being penetrated and say, “No, I want to keep going.” What I actually do is supervise the guys and make sure they don’t break the rules by having unprotected sex or using spit as lube. I’m like a lifeguard at a pool. I make it very clear to all the guys: “Vaginal penetration is allowed, but condoms are mandatory. No bareback oral; oral with a condom is okay. No kissing. Basically, no mucous-membrane or bodily-fluid contact, and don’t use spit as lube.” I do join in and penetrate her sometimes, though. You might wonder what’s fun about that, but watching younger guys take turns with her—and sometimes joining in myself—gives me the illusion that I’m young again. It’s like a rejuvenation drug. I imagine wealthy people often pay both the girls and the guys to do this kind of thing in their own apartments or hotel suites, but I’m not that rich, so I’m just doing a sort of imitation of it at a swingers’ bar. I’ve actually heard directly from an unsuccessful young male comedian from Yoshimoto that he’d been invited to one of those parties. I’ve tried all kinds of other games at swingers’ bars too, but this is getting long again, so maybe I’ll write about them another time if I feel like it. Thanks for giving me a topic for this bathroom-wall graffiti.

I don’t think a sex club is the kind of place you go to just on a whim. Quite a few people have probably had bad experiences with men who showed up without taking it seriously. Just because someone didn’t go along with it doesn’t necessarily mean they weren’t interested, either. I think you may simply have chosen the wrong person.