Why is it that the men who make a point of showing off their wealth are often the ones who offer only an average or below-average allowance?

Question

In my experience, the men who say things like, “I’ve supported women financially,” or “I’ve continued supporting women who had goals,” are often the ones who offer around 50,000 yen. I don’t think 50,000 yen is necessarily low. However, even when they say they have more money than they could ever spend, or talk about how much they’ve given women despite also benefiting from the intimate relationship, they often seem more focused on saying how much they’ve “given” a woman. Lately, I’ve also noticed that they seem particularly determined not to pay more than 50,000 yen. Because of this, I sometimes end things with dinner only (no intimacy) when a papa (a male supporter) goes overboard trying to show off how wealthy he is. Why do you think that is?

Answer 1

¥50,000 is a very specific amount, and it’s by no means a small sum. Even at a hostess club or an adult entertainment venue, if a woman takes home ¥50,000 for a single set, it would generally be considered an upscale establishment. So my guess is that, if he isn’t especially taken with her, his thinking is probably: “Offering ¥50,000 as a trial amount shouldn’t come across as rude, but I don’t want to pay more than that at this point. If she really impresses me, I can always give her extra.”

Answer 2

I think people who say unnecessary things like that do so because they can’t show it through their actions—not just when it comes to the allowance. If you’re spending a certain amount of one-on-one time together for papa-katsu, there shouldn’t be any need to bring outsiders into the conversation. Let’s just assume it comes from their lack of confidence.

Answer 3

I’ve always felt that there’s always someone richer, so I’ve never bragged about my wealth. There’s absolutely nothing to gain from showing off like that. That said, I used to spend much more freely when I was merely well-off. Now that I’m fairly wealthy, I’ve become more careful with my money—and maybe more discerning about women. A hostess at an upscale Ginza club once told me that truly wealthy men will spend even more and become generous regulars once things turn intimate, whereas moderately wealthy men stop coming after the first time. So with the latter, you keep them interested for as long as you can. Maybe you’re simply becoming intimate with them too soon.

Answer 4

“I’ve never met a truly wealthy man who makes a point of showing off how rich he is.” Women mention this kind of thing quite often. My impression is that genuinely wealthy people don’t usually flaunt their wealth. If anything, I feel like more of them try to make themselves seem ordinary or say they’re not that impressive. Even during the membership screening process for men, there are quite a few whose annual income is well over 100 million yen, yet they’ll say something like, “Would 10 million yen be enough?” I find myself wondering, “Enough for what?” But my impression is that many men are so cautious that they’re wary of being judged from the moment they join. That said, I suppose there may be reasons for men to flaunt their wealth around women—perhaps it makes them more attractive or helps keep the conversation lively. Even so, I feel that truly wealthy people don’t need to advertise it. In that sense, maybe the reason men who flaunt their wealth do so is that they actually aren’t all that wealthy.

Answer 5

Isn’t this basically the same as saying, “A woman who immediately starts emphasizing how hard up she is for money when you meet her probably isn’t actually that desperate for money”? A woman I met last night—someone I’ve been seeing for about two years—hesitantly told me that she started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) because she didn’t have enough money to buy an air conditioner for the apartment she’d just moved into. She said she was too embarrassed to tell me. It took her two years to finally share it as a funny story. When we first met, she gave me a somewhat more idealized reason for starting papa-katsu. As for money, she said, “I don’t earn a lot, but I’m managing somehow.” I guess she was just putting on a brave face. Anyway, you shouldn’t take words too seriously. They’re like clothing: they exist to hide our underlying desires and make relationships look presentable. The fact that the questioner is asking something like this shows they still put far too much faith in words. Look beyond them. You don’t hear “true feelings and social façade” much these days, but in the past, Japanese people didn’t put all that much faith in words—which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. This is probably one of the downsides of American-style culture, where words are treated as contracts.

Answer 6

Bragging about how rich they are is fun to them because they’re idiots who don’t realize that showing it off comes across as obnoxious and leaves a bad impression. Being stingy makes it easier to build up capital, so self-made wealthy people are sometimes cheap. They don’t spend more money than necessary. I think it’s stupid to spend huge amounts of money on hostess clubs, host clubs, papa-katsu monsters, or Himeka.

Why is it that the men who make a point of showing off their wealth are often the ones who offer only an average or below-average allowance?

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Why is it that the men who make a point of showing off their wealth are often the ones who offer only an average or below-average allowance?

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