50s Business Owner Rejected by a Woman in Her 30s

You care about the other person because you’ve come to like them. Their feelings and opinions become your top priority. It sounds like you’ve been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) purely for your own convenience—just meeting up and getting what you want. Since that was pretty selfish, I think it’s only natural that the relationship ended. If you really liked them, you should have treated them as someone important. From now on, you should make an effort to cherish the person you’re with so they don’t lose interest in you.

Mac is writing a column, lol.

An 18-year-old virgin, B1 type. On our first date, I managed to get as far as hugging her. But when I asked if I could kiss her, she shook her head. Still, if I got as far as a hug on a B1 first date, I suppose that was pretty good. Would there be a second date? Not only God knows—the only person who knows is her. “When should we meet next?” I was more nervous asking when we could meet again than when I hugged her. What if she said, “I’ll contact you later”? That would surely be an indirect way of turning me down. In that case, all I could do was back off. I prepared myself to put on a forced smile and say, “I’ll be waiting.” “I’m free on ○day.” “Then would ○day work?” “Yes.” We settled it without a hitch. Thank God—or rather, thank her. And then came our second date. We sat side by side on the sofa in my room. Hugging was okay, so I pulled her close. There was a bed behind us. So, what should my next move be in this situation? “I know—why don’t we try something called air sex?” “?” “Air sex is something I just came up with. Basically, we stay dressed and intertwine with each other the way we would during sex.” I took her hand and led her toward the bed. She didn’t resist. I had my antennae carefully tuned to pick up on that kind of thing. If I sensed even the slightest resistance, I wouldn’t rush things any further. Maybe she was interested in the term “air sex.” In any case, I lay her on her back and climbed on top of her. “Try spreading your legs.” I took both her ankles in my hands and spread her legs, putting us in the position for missionary. We were still fully clothed. Our lower bodies were pressed together, but the layers of clothing between us made it frustrating. Her face was right in front of mine. “Can I kiss you?” I asked again. She shook her head from side to side. Still not yet. Air sex seemed to be okay, so I kept our lower bodies pressed together and began moving my hips. “This is how you do it. Can you picture it?” “Hmm... I’m not really sure.” “Then let’s try it from behind.” I turned her over and put her on all fours. Besides getting her used to air sex, I had another purpose here: checking the shape of her waist and bottom from behind. “Lower your back and stick out your bottom. That’s it... Oh, what a lovely shape. You’re beautiful.” It wasn’t flattery. She had a beautiful reverse-heart shape. That passed inspection. She looked delicious. I wanted to devour her soon. But I still hadn’t received permission, so we continued with air sex. It was frustrating having my erect penis blocked by the front of my trousers. I almost wished the fabric would tear and let it thrust inside. (Continued in the answer section of the next question from “Big Businessman.”)

In your case, you fall for women even though the relationship hasn’t become that deep yet… Your focus is simply misplaced. From the woman’s perspective, you’re just another delusional guy. I think it would be better to stay calmer and have the patience to let the woman come to you. Based on my experience running a men’s relaxation salon, more than 99% of customers’ feelings toward popular therapists are nothing more than complete misunderstandings and wishful thinking. That may be fine if you’re just a customer, but when it comes to papa-katsu, I think only the 1% who genuinely have a chance of building a real connection should become papas. A typical delusional guy is someone who asks or acts in ways that only allow for an affirming response. Women who are being paid naturally find it difficult to disagree or reject you. Once you resolve that issue, your sense of security and calm will change. If the woman begins taking the initiative herself, I think she’ll appear much more lively and engaged—regardless of whether it’s a papa-katsu relationship or not.

I like them, yes. I like every woman I’m seeing, without exception—but I don’t fall genuinely in love with them. I don’t get obsessive crushes either, so I’ll never become emotionally unstable like you, the person asking this question. That said, I’ve heard that men who don’t genuinely fall in love are in the minority. I’ve also heard from dozens of women that the more attractive they are, the more troublesome it is when a man falls for them seriously. So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, exactly. You’re just an ordinary “old guy” who’s everywhere. That said, I do want you to realize that you’re causing trouble for the other person.

I do sometimes develop feelings for them. That said, I believe it’s important to maintain appropriate boundaries even when you like someone. Put another way, I don’t think having feelings for someone excuses anything. I want to build and maintain a good relationship with my partner, so I wouldn’t do the things you described in your previous post. https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/17219 I believe you’re the one who turned this into a “relationship based on money.”

It sounds like you’re trying to justify yourself somehow. There’s nothing wrong with falling for someone, but trying to force your feelings on someone who doesn’t feel the same is nothing but frightening from their perspective. And contacting someone after promising, “I won’t contact you again,” is exactly the same as stalking. No—it is stalking, plain and simple. If you keep your feelings to yourself without acting on them, I don’t see a problem. But acting on those feelings is only acceptable within the boundaries the other person is comfortable with. Taking action after the relationship has ended is nothing more than self-centered stalking. Also, “Have you ever fallen for someone?” and “Do you try to stay in contact with someone after breaking up?” are two completely different questions. Even if you do fall for someone, there’s no excusing behavior that the other person finds unwelcome. And for starters, what exactly is a “big-time business owner”? That’s just ridiculous.

As long as you don’t do anything the other person dislikes, there shouldn’t be any problem.