Aya’s answer to this question was shocking.

From Fuu, a papa, and speaking in line with the questioner’s thinking lol: If you really like your papa, you should be willing to sleep with him without an allowance, right? lol If you won’t sleep with him unless there’s an allowance, that means you like the money more than the papa, doesn’t it? Is that unfair? lol Well, this is a place for relationships involving an allowance, and the value of sex is tied to the value of the allowance. In my case, when it comes to meals or drinks, I take women to proper restaurants. Even women in their twenties are willing to come along for free, so I don’t see the value in spending money on that. That’s why I only go on dinner dates with papa-katsu women who are kind enough to say they’re fine with no allowance. I always confirm this with them, and I’m not forcing anyone into anything. The questioner likes papas who give her an allowance, and can somehow sleep with them as long as there’s an allowance. The papa likes questioners who are willing to sleep with him in exchange for an allowance. That’s what this place is about, so isn’t it mutually acceptable as long as both sides are okay with it? lol

I want to see her even without an allowance. I want to see her even without an adult relationship (intimate). I think relationships like that do exist, and the longer you’re together, the more both people naturally start feeling that way. Because, after all, the person a papa-katsu woman and her papa hate and look down on the most in this world is someone who does papa-katsu… I feel that continuing to rely on the power of money and intimacy only creates more and more contradictions. The deeper that money-based connection becomes, the more so… Whether it’s a club woman or a long-term girlfriend, even if you become successful in business and start earning many times—or even dozens of times—her allowance, you still meet her while thinking, “Why am I doing this? If she’s a club woman, do I even need to see her?” Maybe it really is true that no meal tastes worse than one you’re being treated to as part of someone’s hospitality. The more you’re being paid to entertain someone, the more likely two people who both feel that kind of relationship is a waste of time are to be compatible… On the other hand, some people are more than happy to get a free meal…

Strictly speaking, you can’t hate someone you don’t like in the first place. Especially when it’s a woman toward a man, if he fails to fulfill what she wants, her feelings can flip from affection to hatred. It’s that “I love you so much I practically hate you” state of mind. I don’t know whether that’s how Aya feels about her generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter), but that’s the general idea. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. The reason the questioner has started wondering whether she even likes her papa is probably that she never had such strong feelings for him to begin with. Indifference means neither liking nor disliking someone. A superficial, detached relationship based solely on money and physical intimacy. Personally, I find that wonderfully peaceful. You don’t have to have your emotions thrown into turmoil. Is the questioner dissatisfied with how things are now? I think it’s fine as it is. Maybe it’s like someone who’s never been to war longing for the battlefield? I’ve had more than enough of that. I’ll add one last little jab: Apparently this papa reads the question box. If that’s true, he’d surely realize, “This is the girl from last night.” So if she deliberately wrote this knowing that, assuming she isn’t lying, what exactly is going through her mind? As I mentioned in my earlier answer, is this another strategy where she uses words like “love” and “hate” to toy with her papa’s feelings and get an allowance without intimacy? Whenever a man starts talking about whether he “likes” or “dislikes” a woman, she always turns it around, grabs him by the scruff of the neck, and starts shaking him down, doesn’t she? Men should just keep quiet and have sex. Judge whether you like or dislike someone based only on objective facts, such as whether the relationship is still continuing. Otherwise, you’ll be lured to the bottom of the sea by the song of Lorelei.

My feelings toward a papa (a male supporter) can’t be described simply as liking or disliking him, because money is much more deeply involved than it is with someone of the opposite sex around my age. In my case, I liked one of my papas for five years, up to a certain point. But after he cheated on me once (*), I could only see him as an old man who paid for sex, and I came to hate him. Technically, there’s no such thing as cheating in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) when he’s betraying his wife to do it, but he and I had various agreements. We were in a relationship where we gave each other dreams, but he stopped making an effort. From that point on, my switch flipped, and it became a game of controlling this papa. I don’t know how other people feel, but I can continue seeing someone even if I dislike him. That’s because I have feelings like, “It feels good to control this idiot,” and, though it’s hard to explain, “I kind of like the version of myself I am when I’m with him.” My papa also feels comfortable enough to let his guard down around me, so I suppose it’s easy for both of us. There aren’t any particular problems sexually, either. Above all, when it comes to building wealth, having this papa’s money is certainly better than not having it. Akechi Mitsuhide probably acted normally toward Hideyoshi until he got his revenge. There may be something to being able to treat someone kindly when you think of them as a person you’ll kill someday. Lately, though, I’ve occasionally lost my patience and sent emails saying things like, “Drop dead, you shitty old man.” But it’s also true that after we became the kind of pair who traded insults, the number of times we met and the amount of financial support he gave me kept increasing. That’s because I’m the only “interesting girl” who would say things like that to a papa. Of course, I never forget to periodically express my gratitude by saying, “My life changed because of you.” This papa loves the idea that “one woman is living a stable life thanks to me,” “that woman is incredibly grateful to me,” and “I’m deeply respected as a man.” I knew from the beginning that if I appealed to that side of him, the relationship would last. However, if you express too much gratitude, the other person becomes overconfident, so I make sure to use the proper amount. Recently, my papa has anxiously asked, “You’re happy about the condo, right?” When I merely gave a sad, forced smile and nodded, saying, “Yeah,” he started talking about things like, “In a few years, I’ll buy another condo in your hometown. You could rent it out for income,” and, “I’ll set up a company in your name and transfer assets to it.” I don’t even want that, lol. Anyway, I “like” controlling my papa. Looking at it from another angle, though, the money I receive from my extremely generous papa is important for keeping my relationship with my beloved seven-year papa stable, both emotionally and financially. The other papa I’ve been seeing for seven years is a salaried employee with a side business, so his allowance wasn’t especially large. But he was good at giving investment and wealth-building advice, and thanks to him, I was able to greatly increase my assets. The fact that I can now maintain a stable relationship with this papa even without an allowance is largely due to two things: 1. I have built up my own assets. 2. Because I have the emotional leeway—and the guilt—of currently having another papa, I’m able to treat him more kindly. So, for now, both papas are indispensable to my life. I want to see my beloved seven-year papa as a way to relieve the stress of controlling my extremely generous papa. And the reason I can continue having a loving relationship with my seven-year papa without an allowance is partly because I feel guilty that I’m deceiving him in some way. This has gotten long, but to answer the questioner’s doubt—“If you can be together without an allowance, does that mean you truly like him?”—I think it does at least mean that you like him quite a lot as a person. That said, money was the starting point with both of my papas. I now love my seven-year papa enough to stay with him without an allowance, but behind that love are my gratitude for all the money and support I’ve received from him, as well as the money I receive from my other papa and my guilt over hiding that papa’s existence. So if you say that this can’t be called pure love, you’re absolutely right. I also go on more dates without intimacy than dates involving sex with my extremely generous papa. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I know whether he truly likes me. I do feel that he likes me quite a lot as a person, but he’s still paying to spend time with me because I’m younger, reasonably his type, and a woman. The sexual element isn’t completely absent. In papa-katsu, genuine feelings of “liking” are entangled with sex and money, so I think there are many things you can’t fully break down, no matter how much you think about them. There’s more ulterior motivation than there is in the kind of familial love you have for a spouse, too. I need to break down my own feelings of “liking” in my own words to maintain my sense of self, which is why I’ve written all this. But not everyone needs to do that. Nor can we expect our papas to do it. That’s because most papas have even less ability than we do to analyze and break down what “liking someone” means. Their feelings probably contain sexual desire, a desire to protect, familial affection, guilt, and various other things, but they find it too much trouble to sort through them, and I think they believe there’s no point in doing so. That’s why they never make any progress, and because they can’t understand women’s layered emotions, they get deceived. However, if you make papas do more than they’re capable of, they become exhausted and fall apart. All we can probably do is maintain them so they don’t break down, while treating them gently.

In relationships, there are things like, “I like them as a friend, but I wouldn’t want them as a boyfriend,” “I like them as a boyfriend, but marriage is a different story,” or “I like them as my boss, but not in a relationship outside of work.” If you “really like him but wouldn’t meet him without an allowance,” that means the allowance is a prerequisite, but you still genuinely like him. It doesn’t necessarily mean that what you like is the money rather than the papa. Likewise, from that papa’s perspective, I think he likes you on the condition that intimacy is possible. Also, people may see it differently, but what makes intimacy enjoyable isn’t just someone’s physical appearance. Of course, physical features may be part of the appeal, but I think the other person’s reactions and preferences are important too. No matter how much someone fits your preferred body type or how physically compatible you are, you probably wouldn’t enjoy intimacy with someone who is completely passive. I think people evaluate others as a whole. In relationships through a dating club, the allowance is also part of that evaluation—it may add to the overall value, rather than simply inflating it. For some relationships, it’s obvious what would happen if you removed that factor, while for others, you won’t know until you actually try.

In my case: ① For the regulars I’m especially fond of, the allowance is the same for an adult relationship and for dinner. Some are on monthly arrangements, while others are pay-per-meeting. ② There are also women who are regulars but have separate allowances for an adult relationship and for dinner. ③ I also meet some women without giving them an allowance. I feel the most emotionally invested in the women in category ①, followed by those in ③. As for ②, that’s essentially a relationship where the papa’s money and the woman’s body are exchanged on equal terms. If you were able to meet a papa like the ones in category ①, your perspective might change. I think it’s wonderful when you meet a papa you genuinely want to see even without an allowance. But that’s a separate issue from how that papa feels about women. He may actually view women he gives an allowance to as being above women he doesn’t, unlike me. The women I see without giving them an allowance are more like “allies.” We originally met through papa-katsu, but they chose to move on from papa-katsu—including other papas—while still being very fond of me, so we’ve continued seeing each other. There’s no romantic feeling at all. We’re simply close friends, and if they’re in the mood, we occasionally have H. Their relationship status varies—some have boyfriends, and some don’t.

That must have been quite a shock. Do both of them subscribe to the idea that you get tired of a beautiful woman after three days, but get used to an unattractive woman after three days? But, for example, even if a part-time job paid very well, you’d eventually quit if you hated the work. You certainly wouldn’t become a full-time employee there. And even if you spent five years working under a manager with serious character flaws while being paid, you wouldn’t come to like that manager. Whether you spend five years or seven years together, if there’s nothing about him that you can respect or genuinely like as a person, you probably won’t develop feelings for him no matter what the situation. Throughout those five years of dating, she simply weighed the allowance against the man’s personality, the nature of their dates, and so on, deciding each time that the amount was acceptable and worth putting up with—and then went. I think that’s a basic premise of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). If the scales tipped the other way, she would choose not to go. She may even have turned him down sometimes during those five years. Of course, the man is also just weighing the woman’s personality, the nature of their dates, his mistaken belief that she might like him, and the allowance he has to pay, then deciding whether to ask her out. He has simply happened to keep inviting her for years because the scales continued to tip in favor of doing so. The allowance is essentially compensation for the inconvenience. If you kept receiving compensation for someone’s inconvenience, would you come to like that person? There are occasionally tenants who tell their landlords or landowners, “I’ve been paying rent and land rent on this property for decades, so you should sell it to me at a discount.” But rent and land rent are usage fees; they aren’t installments toward the purchase price or loan repayments. It feels as though the questioner—or perhaps the man—has the idea that if you pay rent for enough years, you somehow become entitled to the property. Also, based on the question itself, I don’t think the questioner actually likes her papa (a male supporter).

As you understand, we’re both looking for money and physical intimacy in the first place, so I approach papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) with the understanding that personal likes and dislikes come second.