Some women receive a lot of money from their papas (male supporters), while others end up stuck with stingy ones.

When I look at Instagram, I see gorgeous former models and influencers with amazing figures traveling nonstop in first class with generous (well-paying) papas, staying at luxury hotels for afternoon tea, dining at Michelin-starred French restaurants and sushi spots, and buying Hermès items like crazy. I feel like they’re all naturally stunning, though.

That side of things does exist, and so does the opposite. In general—not at a dating club, where men can make offers to their favorites or beautiful women—men often don’t bother approaching women they feel are out of their league. Instead, they tend to approach women who seem approachable or cute. Since they can act naturally without getting nervous, they’re more likely to hit it off, discover their compatibility, and develop a relationship, at least judging from what I’ve seen around me. If that’s the case, then highly unattainable beautiful women actually have fewer male rivals and may be the better targets. On the other hand, this lowers their chances of finding a good boyfriend, while increasing the likelihood that a stalker or emotionally abusive man will continue pursuing them indefinitely. Even in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), if it develops into a long-term relationship, it seems natural that the relationship will continue with someone they can be themselves around without either person feeling burdened, rather than being based on looks alone. Also, words women use to describe someone as “cute” or “beautiful” aren’t reliable at all—except perhaps among models or underground idols—so they may see things differently from men. (When you’re around models, underground idols, fans, or people in competitive industries, it’s surprising how literally those words can actually be meant.)

Stingy people naturally attract other stingy people, and women who are authoritarian or bully those weaker than them naturally attract emotionally abusive husbands. Being with someone on a completely different level is uncomfortable, whether they’re above or below you. It’s only natural that women who focus solely on their appearance without working on their inner selves end up dating organized-crime affiliates, quasi-yakuza types, or kept men who live off pocket money from women. Isn’t their personality different from the side they show their friends and their true nature, too? Maybe the fact that they’ve gotten themselves stuck with a boring papa (a male supporter) shows that they’re nasty by nature. Even a stingy papa feels uncomfortable around a genuinely kind, strong-minded, capable woman. They’re together simply because they’re on the same level. Even when they have complaints, they stay together, grumbling and badmouthing each other behind the scenes, because they’re equals and feel comfortable together. If you really hate it, just break up right away. If someone isn’t on your level, you’ll naturally stop seeing each other.

It’s impossible to know what other people’s relationships are really like, and for you, the questioner, who has no experience with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it must be even harder to tell. You probably haven’t conducted any thorough research either, so it’s rather amusing to see an outsider talk as though they understand everything based on stories from a few friends. I think it’s important not to take other people’s stories at face value. The answer guidelines for respondents here begin with: “Please don’t write lies (except for fabrications used to avoid identifying individuals)” and “Please don’t exaggerate.” The fact that these are listed first suggests that the message board that preceded this anonymous papa-katsu Q&A site must have been full of lies and exaggerations. Lies and exaggerations are common not only online, but in the offline world as well.