This is my first time doing a letter date, and I’m finding the frequency and content of our messages difficult to deal with...
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The first few messages after our initial introductions had some substance, but since then, I’ve only been getting what feel like one-word replies—and they come back just minutes after I send mine.
Since I feel obligated because he’s paying me for this arrangement, I’ve been trying to change the subject and put thought into my replies, but honestly, it’s exhausting having this kind of exchange drag on before the date.
In a situation like this, should I be honest and tell him how I feel?
We’ve already made plans to meet, but I’m having second thoughts about going.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
At the moment, letter dates are generally only available to Black members.
With that in mind, if I were a woman, I’d first try to arrange my schedule so we could meet in person.
When it comes to meeting a good man, you should understand that this isn’t a situation where women have the upper hand.
There may occasionally be Black men who are problematic, though…
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You could try slowing down your LINE replies a little, or asking the questioner about arranging the date.
If letter dating isn’t a good fit, you should be able to tell the staff and decline it, even partway through.
The concern is that if you block him before meeting, he’ll probably leave negative feedback from his side.
P.S. Sorry, I didn’t mean canceling a letter date that’s already been arranged—I meant not accepting letter dates going forward.
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Letter dates simply mean arranging the date directly between the two people instead of through the club. They’re not meant for exchanging messages at length or making a pen pal without ever meeting.
What’s more, the woman isn’t paid even a penny during the messaging stage before meeting. Continuing the exchange under those circumstances is unreasonable on the man’s part.
Also, with a letter date, the club takes no responsibility whatsoever for whether the two people actually meet.
If, despite everything that’s happened so far, you still want to meet him, suggest: “Let’s meet for a date and take our time talking in person.” If he agrees, meet him. If he doesn’t, cancel, block him, or simply ignore him from then on.
If you no longer feel like meeting him, you could just send a brief cancellation message, then block him or ignore him going forward. How does that sound?
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If their reply was just a single word:
I think it’s fine not to reply until the day before the date.
If the date has already been set, once you’ve seen their reply, you don’t need to respond unless there’s something more to add.
From the man’s perspective, as long as the woman has read his message, it’s fine even if she doesn’t reply for days or weeks. (When you think that way, they apparently reply within seconds…)
Men may also reply more when a woman sends them lots of LINE messages, so I think it’s perfectly fine to reply at about one-hundredth or one-thousandth the frequency of a woman’s messages. (I don’t use LINE outside of work, but with women from the club, once the first date is over, I sometimes get over 100 messages back and forth that same evening when the conversation gets lively. I’m impressed by how wonderfully expressive women can be…)
He may simply be replying right away so she doesn’t have to go to the trouble of checking again later.
If it was just a single word, he may not necessarily be trying to keep the conversation going.
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With letter dating, it’s standard to invite each other out around the third message and give the allowance.
Tell him directly, “Please invite me on a date.”
If some idiot keeps exchanging letters indefinitely, point it out and then block him. Also, make sure to give the platform early feedback that this male member is an idiot.
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