I’m the oldest of three sisters. My younger sisters are dating men their age who are doctors, lawyers, pilots, and so on. They’ll probably be getting married soon. Neither of them has ever done papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but I’ve only ever done papa-katsu. Among men my own age, I’ve only dated ordinary office workers. My papa (a male supporter) is a doctor, though… I just can’t meet anyone like that my own age.

I think your feelings are incredibly honest, and I get the sense that you’ve been carrying all of this by yourself for a long time—long enough that you finally had to put it into words. First, I want you to know that it’s completely natural to feel distressed when you compare yourself to your younger sisters, especially with the pressure that often comes with being the eldest daughter. When you grow up in the same family and are around the same age, comparisons are almost impossible to avoid. Feeling like you’re the only one taking a different path can really wear you down. That said, the lives your sisters have chosen and the life you’ve lived are based on completely different circumstances. Your sisters happened to meet men around their age with clear, recognizable careers, and things seem to be heading toward marriage. That may be “a” right answer, but it isn’t the only right answer. Through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you’ve met and interacted with older men and gained experience with money, relationships, and male psychology—things you might not have learned through dating people your own age alone. That is by no means an inferior choice. In fact, it can be a path that broadens your perspective. Wanting to date someone “better” than your sisters’ partners isn’t a shameful feeling either. I think it comes from the pride and sense of responsibility you’ve unconsciously carried as the eldest, along with the belief that you have to make sure you end up happy. Still, it may be worth pausing to consider whether a “good person” can really be measured only by their title, income, or how they appear to society. As you probably know from your papa-katsu experience, being a doctor or a lawyer doesn’t automatically guarantee compatibility or a sense of security as a person. Conversely, there are certainly wonderful potential life partners among “ordinary” office workers your own age. It may simply be harder to see them right now because everything is being filtered through comparison. If I were in your position, I would first step away from the question of whether I’m above or below my sisters. No matter how hard you try, that comparison will never lead you toward peace of mind. Instead, I would quietly think about what kind of person I want to be with and what kind of everyday life I want to have. I would reset my standards—not around appearances or winning and losing, but around the life in which I can truly feel secure. I’m sure you’re in the middle of a very difficult time right now, but your life isn’t fixed in place. Just because you’ve only done papa-katsu doesn’t mean you can’t go back or choose a different path. Your past experiences are simply something you can draw on when deciding what to choose next. Please don’t think of yourself as inferior to your sisters. You have your own distinct strength and depth. You’re probably just a little tired right now. There’s no need to rush. Your life is still ahead of you.

My younger sisters are dating men their age who are doctors, lawyers, pilots, and so on. ☆Your sisters must have a certain level of status themselves, right? If you date a doctor, you’d usually be a nurse or another doctor; if you date a lawyer, perhaps a paralegal at a law firm; and if you date a pilot, a flight attendant. Romance tends to develop when you’re around each other. ☆How do you know your sisters aren’t doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? When it comes to people my own age, I’ve only ever dated ordinary office workers. ☆This may sound a little harsh, but… it’s probably because you’re just an ordinary person and don’t have any particular qualities that stand out. I feel really distressed because I find myself wanting to date someone better than the men my sisters date. ☆Could it be that… your parents have been saying something to you? Please go get a secretary certification. Once you’ve earned Level 2, if you’re in your twenties, try working as a secretary to a company president or chairman. You’re young, so I’m sure someone will hire you. Even silly Ayase Nana♡ has Level 1, so you’ll be fine. As a secretary, you’ll have opportunities to speak with presidents and executives from other companies. If you approach them with an elegant smile and thoughtful manners, you’ll surely start to feel that papa-katsu is ridiculous. Nothing will change if all you do is envy other people. Work on improving yourself. Now, take action right away. I’m rooting for you.

Neither men nor women who do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) are looking to fall in love with someone and get married. I think it’s best to go about your daily life understanding that premise. Perhaps your younger sisters were able to find that kind of happiness because your own hardships and efforts served as a substitute for parental support. If so, I imagine you must be genuinely happy for them, as if it were your own achievement. That said, judging from your post, perhaps you didn’t actually work hard for them in a parental role… In any case, with your current mindset, you may need to reset the way you think. You might meet someone who’s right for you among or around ordinary company employees—someone kind and happy in the same way your sisters are. People aren’t things or products that can be compared, so rather than thinking in terms of “better than so-and-so,” I hope you can come to think in terms of what’s right for you.

After reading your question, I can see why it might be emotionally exhausting. Your wish to “date someone better than your sisters’ partners” is unclear, so I think you’re also unsure what kind of man you would consider “a good person.” And since “wanting to date” is vague as well, you may not know exactly what you should do. You need to clarify what “a good person” means to you. If your sister’s partner earns ¥15 million a year, would earning more than that automatically make someone “better”? Even if someone has a decent income, they might spend very little on you or their partner and spend it all on other women. That kind of person may not be “a good person” after all. Once you start judging someone based on their looks, personality, income, and social status, deciding who is “better” becomes difficult. Should you rate each category on a five-point scale—for example, your sister’s boyfriend gets a 2 for looks, 3 for personality, 4 for income, and 4 for social status, for a total of 13, while the people around you score 15—and conclude that they’re “better”? That’s like assigning parameters in a video game. In the real world, you can’t objectively determine someone’s personality with a five-point rating. In the end, I think what matters is finding someone you yourself can genuinely accept and be satisfied with. Even lawyers can embezzle clients’ money and end up in prison. Someone who worked at a major firm may make unreasonable complaints and end up running a solo practice. Just because someone is a “good person” now doesn’t mean they’ll remain one in the future. Besides, some people may look respectable in public while being abusive or constantly engaging in emotional abuse toward their partner at home. Their wives or girlfriends may also care about appearances and avoid telling the truth, even to their own siblings. My advice is that birds of a feather flock together, and couples are often well matched. So perhaps you should focus on improving yourself. Doctors and lawyers often marry people in the same profession. That said, marrying the daughter of a private-practice doctor who’s only good at spending money would be difficult without a great deal of love and financial capability.