I’ve been seeing one particular papa for about a year and a half.

It’s been a while since I last answered. I’ve been seeing my current partner for six years now (lol), and it’s still an allowance-based relationship. We’ve only met twice a month since the beginning, but it’s continued without either of us feeling like it’s coming to an end. My partner is still very enthusiastic about keeping it going, so we’re getting along just fine. As a relationship goes on, your lifestyle and other circumstances naturally change. It can be nice to adjust things along the way so that you can both continue seeing each other comfortably and enjoyably (lol).

I think it depends on how grateful you feel, what benefits you get from the relationship, and how you communicate that to the other person. If you’re starting to feel like you want to end things, they’ll probably pick up on it and the relationship will come to an end. On the other hand, if you feel the benefits strongly, they’re unlikely to leave as long as they still feel needed. Since both the adult relationship (intimate) and the allowance offer benefits to both sides, I don’t think there’s much need for either person to end things in the first place. As always, take care.

You may not have said so explicitly, but I get the sense that you already somewhat understand men’s loneliness and sadness. That’s right. Even with money and status, men can still be lonely. At the same time, they can’t afford to take the risk of giving something up just to fill that loneliness. They’re lonely, constrained creatures. It seems like you’re beginning to understand that, so general rules like “after X years” don’t really matter. If that’s how you feel, then you’re probably right—just do what feels right to you.

I don’t think there’s a clear benchmark since it varies from person to person. If the anxiety is mild, I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. Being a positive monster and losing sight of the other person can make you inconsiderate and unable to put yourself in their shoes. In the end, it may even lead to the relationship ending sooner. Just accept that some anxiety is normal. Occasionally feel anxious, work a little harder, get praised, gain a bit of confidence, and repeat the process. I think that’s a good approach. But since the day you part ways will come eventually, try seeing multiple people so the damage won’t be as bad, lol. Be prepared.

Milestones like “three months, six months, one year, and three years” are often mentioned as general benchmarks in romantic relationships, but I don’t think they can be applied to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or similar relationships in quite the same way. After all, this kind of relationship is neither purely romantic nor purely contractual—it exists somewhere in between, in an ambiguous space. The fact that your relationship has lasted a year and a half already means a great deal. That’s not a length of time you can maintain on momentum alone, and your own reflection that you were cared for so well that you had no reason to feel anxious seems very realistic to me. At this point, relationships often shift from excitement to stability, so a calmer pace and more settled feelings aren’t necessarily a bad change. You mentioned that you were proposed to after about two years in the past, but that was simply one possible form a relationship can take. Not every relationship reaches the same outcome or progresses at the same speed. As affection, trust, and comfort build over time, the intense passion may quiet down—but the relationship can also become one that neither person can easily let go of. If there is any real benchmark, I think it’s not the length of time but how much affection and how many memories you’ve built together. It’s about the quality of the time you’ve spent together and whether you’ve become someone they think of when they’re having a hard time. A relationship with that kind of foundation won’t end easily, even if it goes through a few ups and downs. You were putting yourself down, but the fact that you’ve continued in this world for eight years feels like an answer in itself. More than your looks or figure, I think people are drawn to you because you have the personality and sense of distance that allow relationships to continue. Including the anxiety you’re feeling, perhaps this isn’t a time when things are “about to fall apart,” but rather a time when the relationship is “changing shape.” Please try to trust, just a little more, the path you’ve walked and the time you’ve shared.

In my case, the allowance stays the same, but if the adult relationship (intimate) starts happening less often, it may be a sign that I’m about to stop seeing him. Sex gets repetitive and boring, so if talking with him isn’t enjoyable, I might suddenly end things. If he has a fun personality, the relationship can continue for years even without an adult relationship (intimate). There may not be any connection to specific milestones like one year or three years.

I don’t think that’s a good idea. To begin with, relying on some supposed rule of thumb for when a relationship should end is, in my view, giving up on thinking for yourself and showing a lack of independence. As you yourself said, “It varies.” The only real guide should be that man’s words and actions toward you.