I’ve been seeing my papa (a male supporter) for about a year and a half. Around the one-year mark, he started treating me more carelessly.

Regardless of the amount, seeing each other three times a week is bound to make things feel a bit routine. I’m not trying to mock you, but you’ve probably started becoming a little more casual about it too, haven’t you? Money is a factor, but why not suggest meeting less often?

I think it’s hard to tell whether he’s becoming careless or whether the relationship has simply become one where the papa (male supporter) can truly relax. If the frequency of your meetings and the allowance haven’t changed, it may be the latter. What do you think? At the very least, if either one has decreased, I’d say it’s a sign that he may be losing interest. It also depends entirely on your conversations and personalities, as well as the papa’s lifestyle and sex drive, so it really varies from case to case and can’t be generalized.

> “What if it ends up becoming that way?” It’s good to be concerned. And honestly, if a man has continued meeting you more than three times a month for a year and a half, I don’t think he’ll lose interest that easily. If anything, there’s a good chance your relationship has grown deeper. > “I want to take back the initiative, but…” That’s not the best way to think about it. In any situation, you don’t need to focus on who has the upper hand. If you want to deepen the relationship between a man and a woman… Especially in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), any woman can participate regardless of her income, while only men who can afford it financially can become papas. So even when the woman seems to be leading and enjoying herself, the papa often has plenty of control and decision-making power behind the scenes—and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. As long as she’s enjoying herself, takes the lead, and shows him plenty of rich expressions of joy, anger, sadness, and happiness that he can’t easily show himself, I think the man will be happy. He’ll probably feel that it’s worth it, too. A good relationship continues naturally when both people satisfy each other by appreciating the qualities and charms the other person has that they themselves lack.

The frequency of your meetings was probably a typo—you mean about three times a month, right? It seems that whether it’s a boyfriend or a papa, once you’ve been in an established relationship with a man for about a year, you start feeling that he’s treating you carelessly. The fact that this happens with Boyfriend A, Boyfriend B, and so on, as well as Papa I, Papa II, and so on, may be something you’re bringing about yourself. If things are going to continue this way and end with you gradually drifting apart, as they always do, why not try changing how you respond? Judging from your mention of “having the upper hand,” it sounds as though you may be trying to play games by holding back and making yourself less available. In my case, I lose interest pretty quickly when someone plays those kinds of games. If you make yourself less available, the other person may interpret it as you having become colder or changed your attitude, and they may also start thinking about ending the relationship. If you feel you’re being treated carelessly, why not simply ask them honestly why they’re acting that way? If they’re relaxed enough to show their true selves, you might instead interpret that as them feeling comfortable and letting their guard down around you. If they’re doing something you dislike, I think it’s fine to negotiate and ask them to change.

If it’s three times a week, that’s 12 times a month at most, right? Maybe meeting too often is why he’s taking me for granted. If it’s 20, would meeting around three times a month be better?