I can’t sleep because I’m constantly afraid that someone will find out I’m doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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Even when I’m out on a date with an older man, I know no one is really paying attention to me, but I still worry that someone I know might see me.
My parents, who I live with, haven’t said anything.
What really scares me is that even if I decide to quit papa-katsu, by the next day I’ll be back at it for the money, feeling miserable about myself.
What do you think I should do if I truly want to quit?
You probably don’t have anything you fundamentally want to do—or haven’t found it yet.
I think the reason you can’t sleep is that you have this vague anxiety about the future.
Rather than earning just enough through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to get by day to day, why not take the plunge into the adult entertainment industry and aim to make around ¥10 million first?
Then you could use that as capital to start investing and aim to become a multimillionaire.
You can only earn money with the kind of mindset you have while you’re young, so I recommend building up a certain amount of wealth first.
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If someone sees you together, just have an excuse ready.
The only time you’ll get found out is if someone sees you together, right? You’re not going to admit it yourself, even if your life depended on it, lol.
On a weekday:
→ “I’m accompanying my boss on a sales call.”
If you’re walking around together on the weekend:
→ “A relative came to visit with his uncle.”
At a restaurant:
→ “I was having dinner with my dad.”
If someone sees you entering a hotel:
→ “I’ve started dating an older guy.”
If it’s someone you can joke around with:
→ “Going out with customers from the cabaret club is such a hassle, lol.”
(Just say you work part-time at a cabaret club.)
But is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) really such a bad thing to begin with? What exactly do you think is wrong with it? You’re not committing a crime, breaking the law, or causing trouble for anyone else.
Whether you affirm or reject your own choices is up to you. Wouldn’t it be painful to keep putting yourself down like that?
I think whether papa-katsu is enjoyable or emotionally difficult depends on your own mindset and how you approach it.
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You keep doing it even after deciding you wouldn’t.
If you’re doing it for the money, why not secure another source of income first, and then make your “decision”?
Otherwise, you’ll keep having to face the same disappointing version of yourself who decides to quit but can’t follow through.
If you’re really going to make that decision, you need to make it impossible to continue: delete your contacts, send the men something negative so you can’t meet them again, leave the club, or otherwise put yourself in a situation that can’t be reversed. Otherwise, I don’t think you’ll be able to follow through.
If you decided yesterday and broke that decision today, was it really a decision—or a firm commitment at all?
This may sound preachy, but you either make a job out of something you like, or work at something until you come to like it. Continuing something unwillingly isn’t good for your mental health, and the other party—your customers—will notice too. Then you’ll receive negative reactions from them, dislike it even more, and end up in a vicious cycle.
Change your mindset. For example, instead of focusing on the unpleasant parts, focus on the better future or desired results that may come from doing them.
Or change the people you deal with. For example, limit yourself to men whose appearance, manners, age, and so on wouldn’t make you uncomfortable if someone saw you together.
In the end, the only things you can change are your own mindset and the way you look at things.
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Hmm… yeah, I get what you mean.
You’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for the money, so maybe the first step is to change that purpose.
Of course, we all need money to get by. But when money becomes the sole purpose, I feel like something changes.
This applies not only to papa-katsu, but also to work and everyday life: I think one way to stop feeling miserable about yourself is to contribute to society.
Have you ever thought about how you can use your own strengths to help someone, and in what way?
It doesn’t have to be anything major. Do you think the papa (a male supporter) you met today had a good time with you? Was he satisfied?
Just taking a moment to think about that means you’re already doing enough, in my opinion.
When you feel that you’re helping someone, it can make you feel happy too.
If you keep building up those experiences, you may start to feel freed from the burden of seeing yourself as miserable.
Though, I suppose it’s a little ironic coming from someone who still hasn’t quit papa-katsu herself (haha!).
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Since childhood, I’ve understood that I couldn’t make money from my looks, so I studied fairly seriously and got a job at a reputable company. If I couldn’t earn through my appearance, I would use other skills instead.
On the other hand, some people make the most of the looks and youth they were born with and earn money that way. Since they can make money from their appearance, that’s what they do.
I think these two things are essentially the same.
What I’m trying to say is that, as long as it isn’t illegal, there’s nothing wrong with making a wholehearted effort to earn money. That kind of effort is admirable.
But the person asking this question is doing it while feeling miserable and not wanting to continue.
The problem isn’t papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) itself—the problem is that mindset.
If you’re going to do it, you should treat it as a transactional relationship and give it your best. That’s an important attitude that applies to everything in life.
I think the person asking the question would be better suited to doing papa-katsu as a job. It’s work. Make the client in front of you happy and secure the deal. The basic tasks are the same in both work and papa-katsu. You feel reluctant before a business dinner, then exhausted afterward. Papa-katsu is the same as any other job.
If you still can’t accept it that way, then, as Kazu-san says, I think it would be more constructive to put your effort into something else.
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