Imagine being told that yourself. How would it make you feel?
“My ex-girlfriend’s teeth used to hurt me during blowjobs, but I like yours because your teeth don’t touch me.”
“My ex never made any sounds during sex, but I like you because you do.”
It might make you feel uncomfortable, as though you’re being compared to his ex. Considering the other person’s feelings, it’s probably best to avoid making unnecessary comparisons.
I read this thinking what a sweet story it was.
I think it’s wonderful and very honest that you wanted to tell him you loved how kindly he let you sleep until you woke up.
That said, even when the story is positive, talking about an ex can be a somewhat complicated topic for the person listening. Some people may feel like they’re being compared, while others may wonder, “Am I being complimented, or am I just being told about her ex?”
So personally, rather than focusing on whether or not you should talk about your ex, I think it might be worth gently asking your boyfriend how he feels when he hears it.
If he honestly feels,
“It bothers me a little,” or
“I have mixed feelings about being compared,”
then holding back would be considerate.
On the other hand, if he’s the type to take it positively and think,
“That’s exciting!” “That’s kind of a turn-on!” or “So I’m the one who matters now,”
then perhaps that’s a sign that you’re compatible.
What matters isn’t whether one of you has to put up with something, but finding a comfortable distance where you can both feel happy. Even with an 18-year age gap, having feelings for each other and being in a relationship where you feel secure is a wonderful thing.
There’s no need to force yourselves to follow general opinions. I hope the two of you can gradually find the arrangement that feels comfortable for you both.
To Seattle:
Nice to meet you, and thank you for your comment.
As for whether I’ll go all in, I’ll consider it carefully and positively while watching his reactions and reading the atmosphere…
(Understood, sir.)
For that reason, it’s strange to bring up your ex—and even if he says he likes you for that reason, it feels a little off…
Something like, “Thanks for letting me sleep until I woke up,” “That made me happy,” or “I feel refreshed and good” would sound more natural.
More than words, I think whether you’re both genuinely grateful comes through in your everyday actions.
It really depends on the person’s personality, the nature of your relationship, and what you’re talking about at the time, so I don’t think there’s one definitive answer.
I like hearing about a woman’s exes because it helps me understand her preferences. But I don’t want to hear that her ex was better because he had a bigger dick. If she says he was good at sex, that gives me something I can work on—but penis size isn’t something I can change through effort.
