I didn’t think it counted as papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).

> I’ve become unable to stop having tea or going on dates with men. > Of course, I receive compensation as well. This wouldn’t be papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) if it were simply two close friends meeting and one giving the other some spending money. I think there are relationships where one person gives the other spending money—whether it’s a man or a woman, and even between people of the same sex, such as a senior and junior. However, if you’ve had this kind of relationship with two or more people, or with multiple people, then it would generally be considered papa-katsu. If this is someone you want to stay connected with for life as a mentor or partner, there’s no need to worry about what others think. With someone that important to you, it’s only natural for them to look out for you. I think it depends on what you value and whether you see it as compensation—or whether you feel that person has value and is necessary to you regardless of any compensation.

The term “papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)” is interpreted so differently from person to person that it’s probably better not to use it. As long as national newspapers and TV continue reporting on it in the context of “papa-katsu = enjo kōsai,” that gap in understanding will never be bridged. No matter how much you explain to people who take the media at face value that “whether an adult relationship (intimate) is involved has nothing to do with the definition of papa-katsu,” or that “you sometimes give money to your wife or girlfriend too, right?”, they’re never going to understand. It’s Me.

To people who don’t do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), those who do can seem like inhabitants of another world. For example, these days it seems quite common to find a boyfriend or girlfriend through a dating app, but personally, I find that a little scary. That’s because I’ve never found a boyfriend or girlfriend that way myself. I don’t think there’s any need to go as far as counseling.

I don’t think you need to worry about it too much. Since the term papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) has a broad definition, I think it can apply whether it’s just a meal or an adult relationship (intimate), as long as an allowance is involved. From that perspective, going out for tea or a meal is similar to working at a girls’ bar, lounge, or hostess club. The only difference is whether you work at a venue or do it independently. In that sense, doing it independently is simply called papa-katsu or paid socializing, so I think it’s fine to view it as a type of girls’ bar work. Also, whether a man and woman are just having a meal or enter into an adult relationship (intimate), I feel it’s strange to assume that free is right and paid is wrong in the first place. Isn’t it simply a matter of a wealthy man giving a woman some spending money? I don’t think there’s that much difference between a man and woman meeting through a dating app and entering into an adult relationship (intimate) for free, and a man and woman meeting through a dating club and doing so with payment involved. If there is a difference, I think it comes down to how much affection they have for each other. Ideally, if both people can develop genuine feelings for one another, it can be a wonderful relationship regardless of whether money is involved. So if you’re enjoying meals with men, I don’t think you need to worry about it—just enjoy yourself.

If you can’t quit, maybe you don’t have to force yourself to. In a few years, you might not be able to get any money without an adult relationship anyway, right? Whether you blame yourself is up to you. Whether you enjoy your situation is also up to you. People get paid to drink at hosted drinking parties too, so would it feel less guilty if you just called it that? lol Why not try looking at it more casually?

Counseling, huh! I’d never even thought about that, lol. Maybe you’re hurt because someone close to you told you that what you’re doing is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? Did it make you feel ashamed of yourself? Still, I do think the men you meet are probably hoping things will progress beyond just tea, even if that’s all you have in mind. If you don’t want to hurt that person close to you any further, you can always stop. But if the men who meet and talk with you are finding some emotional comfort in it, I think that’s okay too.