I’m still pretty new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I haven’t had many experiences yet, but I was given ¥5,000 for transportation for the first time. I know it’s within the site’s rules and I’m not complaining, but does that mean he wasn’t really interested in me?
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He did say he’d love to see me again, but I’m wondering if that was just a polite thing to say. I’m also a little worried that even if I arrange our next meeting and things progress to an adult relationship (intimate), the allowance might still be very small.
Do you only give ¥5,000 to women you’re not really interested in?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I don’t mean to rain on anyone else’s answer, but—
The rules say that women should receive ¥5,000–¥10,000 at the first meeting. If we’re meeting somewhere within a range where she can come without any additional transportation allowance, I set it at ¥5,000 across the board. I prepare it in an envelope beforehand and hand it to her right away, before we start eating.
Even so, just the other day, we had a great dinner, went on to an adult relationship (intimate), and she told me she’d had a wonderful time and wanted to see me again. Of course, we discussed the allowance and mutually agreed on the amount before I paid it properly.
What really wears me out in the questions and answers here—regardless of whether it’s men or women—is seeing posts that imply someone is being valued less if the allowance, or the transportation money mentioned in the question, is below a certain amount.
If all you can think is:
Money = your value as a person
then go work in the sex industry. And yes, I mean both men and women.
That’s not how I see it. When I meet women, I care more about whether they’ll genuinely like me as a man, just as I am, beyond the amount of money involved, and whether they’ll enjoy the date and the adult relationship (intimate).
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Even if I’m not happy with the meeting, I don’t consider it a waste—these things happen, and it may lead to another good encounter—so I make sure to give at least ¥10,000 to avoid any bad blood.
I don’t know whether that man has simply made it his rule or is trying to maximize efficiency, but he’s certainly a rare one.
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You feel the same way, right?
I offer ¥10,000 because I want us to have a pleasant arrangement. Maybe she doesn’t really know how to build a good relationship.
You may continue to notice little things that bother you with her, so it might be best to proceed cautiously.
Since your first date is already over, why not let her know your expectations regarding the allowance in advance if she invites you out again?
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Personally, I usually give ¥10,000 upfront for transportation, so there have only been one or two women I wasn’t very motivated about from the moment I made the offer whom I gave ¥5,000.
That gut feeling was right: with the women I gave ¥5,000, we just had tea for about 30 minutes and went our separate ways. I didn’t see them a second time.
That said, I don’t think the allowance offered by men who set transportation at ¥5,000 is necessarily always very low.
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Since there’s quite a range, I keep it fixed at 1.0. If I set it at 0.5, female members may get that impression.
It would be a shame if things became difficult from the start because of a bad first impression after finally meeting in person.
Either way, it’s probably best to discuss the allowance beforehand. You can decide based on how that conversation goes.
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I think he had that amount in mind from the very beginning. Since he gives it to you upfront, it would probably be difficult to change it midway through.
The transportation costs and allowance may seem connected, but they’re basically separate matters, so I think you should ask him. If you can’t bring yourself to ask, perhaps treat it as a trial arrangement.
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