I have several papas I’ve only ever met in hotel rooms.
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Lately, they’ve all started saying they want to go out together, enjoy a nice meal, or go on a date somewhere. But I’m uncomfortable being seen walking around with a papa. If he were young and handsome, maybe I’d be okay with it, but these guys are older and definitely not good-looking… We’d obviously look completely out of place together.
I can’t exactly tell them that, so I’ve been trying to avoid going out, but none of them will take no for an answer and they keep bringing it up.
Does anyone have a good idea for staying out of the hotel while avoiding going out with them? I’d appreciate any suggestions.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Most hotels these days have a great selection of streaming services, so how about picking out a few movies you’d like to watch and saying, “I’d like to take it easy and watch a movie”?
You can connect your phone too, so you could even prepare something yourself.
If you give him the impression that you’d rather spend some quiet time together, eventually he’ll think, “That’s what she prefers.”
I’m sure he will.
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> If you’re always meeting your papa (a male supporter) only in hotel rooms,
then he’s probably just bringing it up as a conversation topic…
He’s aware of the situation to some extent, which is probably why things have ended up taking this form.
If he genuinely enjoyed going out, you’d likely already be spending more of your time together that way.
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The other day, I stopped by an outlet mall with my papa to kill some time. We saw a girl in a miniskirt and knee-highs shopping with an older man. I said, “They might actually be father and daughter,” but my papa replied, “There’s no way they’re really related.”
He added, “If it were me, I’d start by saying, ‘Let’s go buy you some panties.’”
I guess men don’t like it when papa-katsu is that obvious either.
So maybe the best options are to dodge the subject somehow or, as Kazu suggested, propose going somewhere farther away.
Surprisingly, it’s much easier to relax when you’re outside your own neighborhood.
Marika
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I prefer keeping things discreet, so I agree with you. I recommend going for a drive when you go out together—it keeps you away from other people and doesn’t attract much attention (lol).
Just be careful about traffic accidents...
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I don’t think the reason you stand out when you’re together is the age gap. Whether the other person is good-looking or not doesn’t matter either.
There are a few things that make it obvious:
1. The man is grinning while the woman looks uncomfortable
2. One of them is unnaturally self-conscious about other people’s eyes
3. The woman is being forward while the man is acting nervous—and vice versa
4. The man’s fashion isn’t appropriate for the setting
Any of these will give you away instantly.
If you blend in with the people around you—including your overall vibe and clothing—you’ll be surprised by how little attention you attract.
Next time you’re out, try observing the people around you a little. I think you’ll notice these things right away.
If you can behave naturally, going out together should be fine. If not, it’s probably best to keep outings off-limits as part of your arrangement.
It’s Me
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Thanks for the question. I’ll answer too.
> Do you have any good ideas for meeting at a hotel without going out?
I can’t think of any particularly good ideas, but if you keep saying that you’d rather meet at the hotel right away, as you have been, I feel like the men may eventually give up.
Alternatively, if a man says, “Let’s go out for a meal next time,” you could say something like, “That sounds nice—I’d like to have dinner too.” Then, once the details come up, say:
“I won’t have much time that day, so it would have to be either dinner or the hotel. Would it be okay to just go to the hotel?”
That might help you get by.
I can’t think of any better solutions, so I feel like you might as well go somewhere you’re unlikely to run into anyone you know and enjoy some good food. Even if a stranger happens to see you, I don’t think it will have any impact on your life.
It seems best not to worry about it.
Besides, there are occasionally people who genuinely prefer older partners—some even end up getting married—so I don’t think it matters what other people think.
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This somewhat overlaps with the next question, but if I’m turned down for an adult relationship (intimate), I cut contact immediately. If dinner is declined, though, I wouldn’t cut her off. That said, I’ve never actually been turned down for dinner, so this is purely hypothetical.
If she turned down dinner, I’d just think, “She probably doesn’t want people to assume she’s doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).” I wouldn’t be hurt, and it wouldn’t make me think any less of her.
As for the answer: why not simply decline the dinner invitation? Just make it clear that you’re not interested in meeting not only that man, but other papas (male supporters) as well.
Obviously, don’t say something like, “I would if he were young and handsome.” Say, “I don’t want anyone I know to see me.”
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There isn’t one.
It won’t solve the underlying issue, but you could try going somewhere unfamiliar—saying that you might run into someone you know if you stay nearby, so you’d rather go somewhere farther away.
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