Sorry for asking so many questions about all kinds of things over and over…
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The opinions I get here are really helpful.
I recently went on a second date with someone I met through a club. We went out for yakiniku, and the waitress there was unbelievably cute—model-level gorgeous. Even as a woman, I couldn’t help but stare.
The man I was with kept glancing at her whenever she came over, so I figured he must be interested. I said, “She’s cute, isn’t she?” and he replied, “You noticed too? Maybe I should ask for her contact information.”
We’d both been drinking, so I took a taxi home before him. I don’t know whether he actually asked for her contact information afterward.
I know he’s free to think whatever he wants, but don’t you think saying that in front of me was rude? Would most people consider something like this no big deal?
It made me feel like, “Sorry I’m not cute!” And I thought, “Then why did you ask me out a second time?”
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
No offense, but he sounds like an interesting papa. He seems easygoing, so I feel like you could talk to him about anything.
If you have a boyfriend or another papa, maybe you could talk it over with them and get their approval so you can continue openly—it might help you feel more at ease. You could also bring it up little by little while gauging his reaction, haha.
(But if your papa seems uncomfortable, stop right away.)
I recently asked my partner what kind of adult relationships they’d been having lately, and they said their FWB had blindfolded them and tied their hands, and they got really wet. So I told them I’d do that to them next time, haha.
How frank I am depends on the other person’s reactions, so I adjust accordingly...
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Doing that on the second meeting is a bit much, isn’t it?
You still don’t really know each other’s boundaries or how open-minded the other person is.
If it were me, I’d say, “Maybe I should ask for your contact info… Though I don’t have the nerve to, lol.”
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Every man thinks differently, but honestly, I do find it rude.
Even if I met someone more attractive than the person I was with, I’d keep that thought to myself and never say it out loud.
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I’ve also had the experience of thinking the staff member was cuter（笑）
So, was your relationship with him a pure, one-on-one romance where you’d both promised to be exclusive? If so, what he did was not okay—but maybe he was only joking around for laughs. You should press him on that point.
If he wasn’t joking, then he was serious, which means you’re no longer the only one for him. It’s unfortunate, but these things happen. You were his number one when he asked you out, but then he happened to meet someone else♪
There’s a chance he may come back if things don’t work out when he makes a move on her, but whether you want to take part in that consolation round is up to you. It’s a matter of weighing your pride against the practical benefits（笑）
If you never agreed to be exclusive, then seeing multiple people is fair game, isn’t it? In that situation, if a woman he’s interested in comes up and he says, “She’s pretty great, isn’t she?” you’d naturally reply, “Yeah, she really is.” That’s the moment a candid conversation begins between two people who can openly talk, knowing the relationship isn’t exclusive.
Since you’re seeing multiple people, he isn’t going to cut you off just because someone else appealing comes along. In fact, if you can talk openly with each other—even about what goes on behind the scenes—you may have secured a position where you won’t be dropped no matter what kind of stunning beauty appears: something like the “base fee” on a bill, rather than an option or usage-based charge that can simply disappear. I think that’s actually a very good thing.
Taro
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This is so typical.
A lot of men are idiots and seriously lack tact. Assuming men are idiots, why not try changing the way you ask a little?
Like:
“She’s cute, isn’t she...? Right after me, of course ^ ^”
Even a slightly clueless guy should answer:
“Of course—you’re cuter.”
...or something like that.
Even if your papa (a male supporter) did ask for that girl’s contact information, with that level of obliviousness, I’m sure he’d just get ignored and it would end there lol.
As for your questions:
1) Yes, that was incredibly rude.
2) It’s not something you can just dismiss as “a little thing,” but it’s a classic guy move. I mess up like that too. Sorry.
— It’s me
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Haha, fair enough.（笑）
Well, I suppose it depends on the man’s level, but both you and the staff have the right to choose too.（笑）
If he’s a handsome member, you might tell him… maybe.
That said, if he’s dining with a woman, and especially if it’s your first time meeting him rather than a regular customer, there’s a good chance it would end with nothing more than a brief nod.
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I think that’s rude, and I don’t make that kind of flippant remark myself, but I don’t think I’m rude enough to keep submitting pointless questions—or rather, complaints—to the Q&A box over and over again.
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Feel free to send as many questions as you like. As an unemployed guy with plenty of free time, I’m more than happy to answer them.
Since you were the one who first said she was breathtakingly beautiful, that papa saw an opening and made a dumb joke that fell completely flat. I’ll take him as a cautionary example.
Men are creatures who can’t help staring when they see a beautiful woman. Please be generous with your understanding.
There’s absolutely no way I’d have the nerve to ask for her contact information. She must have a boyfriend—or be married. It’s like seeing an actress and simply saying, “Wow, she’s beautiful.”
We all sincerely appreciate the club ladies who go on dates with us thanks to the boost provided by their allowance.
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