Thank you for your question. I’ll answer as well.
Basically, I don’t think a man enters into a long-term relationship with someone unless he genuinely likes her. So, at this point—assuming you haven’t broken up—I think it’s safe to say that he definitely likes you.
That said, I understand that it’s painful because he has both a wife and children. There could be several different situations.
One possibility is that he still loves his wife because she has her own good qualities, but also believes that it’s fine to love someone else too—a mindset somewhat close to polygamy.
If that’s the case, it might be less painful if you simply accept that he’s a man who can love multiple people.
However, this isn’t recognized under Japanese law, so the future is concerning. You could even say that the institution of marriage exists partly for this reason. I think you would be better off looking for a single man and getting married sooner.
Another possibility is that he and his wife are in a sexless marriage and are only legally married. In that case, he might say that he would be happy for you to have his child, and he may even arrange a place for you to live and provide various forms of support. If that’s the situation, perhaps you could be satisfied as well.
Another possibility is that he simply wants to have sex. Of course, he may have feelings for you too, but in that case, there’s a possibility that he’ll eventually leave you for another woman when you get older.
I don’t know which situation applies, but if you’ve fallen for him so deeply that it’s becoming painful, this kind of relationship may not be right for you. It may be difficult, but I think you should consider ending it.
In general, when the person you’re seeing already has a wife, it’s probably best to assume that there’s nothing you can do about the situation. While you’re together, though, I think you should focus on making the time you spend together as wonderful as possible.
I love my papa (a male supporter) too.
But of course, his family comes first. Still, he tells me that he really likes me and loves me. I don’t know whether he truly means it or is just saying it to keep things exciting.
I have a few other papas and people who are more than friends with benefits but less than boyfriends, yet I still love my papa the most.
It’s really important to spread your feelings across work, hobbies, and other men.
At best, my relationship with my papa will continue as it is now. It isn’t going to develop into anything more.
Marika
You should probably walk away from that papa (a male supporter), especially if he’s married and has a close-knit family.
Accept offers from other papas (male supporters), get a boyfriend, or find a friends-with-benefits partner.
Try spreading your emotional investment around.
I don’t think I could continue seeing someone I didn’t like.
So, you can rest assured on that point (lol).
That said, people may interpret it in different ways, but I can’t change my current lifestyle.
That’s why it’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), with money involved.
Being someone you like and being a convenient woman aren’t mutually exclusive. In fact, I feel that you can only become a convenient partner if you’re someone the other person actually likes.
Even if someone you don’t like goes out of their way to accommodate you, wouldn’t that just feel like a hassle?
And I believe an allowance is something you give a convenient partner so they’ll continue being convenient for you.
