There’s a woman I offered to meet, and we’ve seen each other three times. She’s great at both talking and listening, so I really enjoy spending time with her.
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However, the adult relationship (intimate) side hasn’t been very satisfying. It’s not that she lacks interest in it herself—we just don’t seem to be very compatible, and things don’t go particularly well (I’m still able to finish). I can’t go into more detail about the incompatibility, as she might recognize herself.
I’m torn between continuing to see her and offering to meet someone else. What would you do in my position?
I expect some people will say that I should keep seeing her while also making offers, but I don’t have that much leeway. So I’d appreciate it if you could consider this as a choice between continuing to see her or offering to meet someone else.
Sorry for the long post.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂50s👑Universe male member
It’s basically asking which one you’d choose if something is missing, even though of course everyone wants a woman who has it all. In other words, it’s the so-called “poop-or-curry question”: if you absolutely had to eat one, which would you choose—poop or curry? A truly agonizing dilemma. Huh? Somehow that doesn’t sound quite right… Maybe I shortened it too much.
Anyway, if you’re dissatisfied, don’t hesitate to make a new offer. If you feel your money and time are being wasted, just cut things off cleanly. Nothing will be solved by standing still. Moving forward may work out or lead to regrets, but at least something will happen. As you bump into things here and there, the things you don’t need will gradually fall away, and you’ll start to understand what you really want.
Taro
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I’m Shiro Usagi, a new answerer.
So, you’re considering making offers to other women, but you’re hesitant to meet someone else because that would mean ending things with the woman you’re currently seeing—is that right?
You seem like a kind person, but in this situation, all you can really do is keep making offers until you find someone whose chemistry with you—both emotionally and physically—feels right.
Did you read the column Aya introduced recently?
“Be Careful of papa-katsu Women Who Claim to ‘Like Older Men’… ‘There Are No Women in Their Twenties Who Like Old Guys!’ —Atsuhiko Nakamura’s Nameless Column”
Since this isn’t a passionate romance, perhaps your expectations are a little too high?
I’m not sure whether by “having room” you mean financially, in terms of time, or emotionally, but I think it would be best to slightly reduce how often you meet your current partner and start making new offers.
Why not look for your ideal partner—someone beautiful, with a great figure, good conversation skills, and a satisfying adult relationship? That’s one of the real appeals of a dating club.
And this may be difficult to say, but is it possible that your lead isn’t quite up to par?
If you come on too strong or treat her too bluntly, naturally she won’t be as enthusiastic either. Since it’s only your third meeting, you may both still be nervous, but make sure you take the lead properly.
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If sex is that important to you, all you can do is keep looking for and making offers to women who are compatible with you. It’s not easy to meet someone like that.
Finding someone who’s a good match both emotionally and physically takes money.
If you don’t have the financial means, you’ll just have to be satisfied with things as they are. You can’t have it all.
I hate to bring up another dating club as an example, but my papa (a male supporter) made offers to more than ten women before matching with me.
Including the offer fees, membership fee, dating expenses, and so on, he must have spent at least 3 million yen.
If that seems too difficult, sadly, I think you’ll just have to give up.
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People who struggle with decisions are bound to regret whichever path they choose. They’re torn because, deep down, they already know from experience that they’ll probably regret it.
So they listen to other people and follow their advice, hoping to shift the responsibility onto someone else and feel better. But then their regret simply turns into resentment toward that person.
I don’t agonize over it—I just choose one path. But I’m not going to tell the person asking which one to choose. Once I’ve made my decision, I’ll probably even forget there was another option.
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If you’re worried that the adult relationship isn’t quite satisfying, you’re probably better off ending it. If you want to continue seeing each other regardless of the adult relationship, then by all means do so. But since this was only your third time meeting, if you’re already unsure about him, it’s probably best to move on!
Personally, I don’t judge someone solely based on the adult relationship.
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Thank you for your question.
Maezawa here.
> “I don’t have that much financial leeway.”
Unfortunately, this isn’t a place for people who can’t afford it, so I think you’d be better off coming back once you have more financial room. If money is tight, there will naturally be more things you won’t be able to do.
That said, if “the time we spend together is really enjoyable,” then I can’t help wondering: what more are you looking for?
Of course, it varies from person to person. I think you’ll find your own answer by considering whether you place more importance on sex or on the other person’s character as a human being.
Rather than asking so casually, this seems like something you could reach a conclusion on by thinking it through yourself. Why not give it some careful thought?
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There are plenty of women out there, so if I’m not satisfied with the intimate side of this arrangement—the main reason I do it—I won’t hesitate to look elsewhere.
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I don’t understand why I keep meeting someone when even the adult side of things is just so-so, yet I still enjoy spending time with them.
It lasts because there’s a special feeling about them—being together is enjoyable whether we’re eating, doing something else, or going anywhere.
I feel it’s empty to keep meeting someone without satisfying them through an adult relationship (intimate).
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A man in his 50s who can’t decide whether to continue seeing a woman without asking what other people are doing—what do you make of that?
And then there’s this man in his 50s who complains about the answers when he’s only given two choices. It made me wonder how he’s managed to get through life this far.
It’s not like he’ll die if he doesn’t pursue an allowance-based relationship. If it were me, I’d stop seeing women and making offers altogether if I couldn’t afford it.
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