I feel rather pathetic asking this, but I’d appreciate some reassurance.

I’m speaking from a man’s perspective, but I believe I understand how you feel. A ¥10,000 difference (though it seems like the actual gap may be a little larger) must be a significant source of frustration for you. Conversely, your papa (a male supporter) may be getting a higher level of satisfaction from that seemingly small difference. Since you say you have no complaints aside from the amount—which, as you’ve probably already realized, isn’t that small—your only real option may be to discuss it openly. What do you think? No matter how carefully you explain your position, there’s a good chance he won’t accept what you’re asking for. The outcome may be that the relationship ends, or that you decide to put up with it. That said, I don’t think enduring it is a good idea either. In relationships through Universe Club, both people need to be considerate of each other, but in my limited experience, things tend to stop working once one person reaches the point of simply putting up with everything. When you’re stuck, it’s best to be direct. Why not tell him honestly and politely how you feel, without sugarcoating it too much? Of course, I hope things work out for you, but don’t forget that the odds may actually be against it. Finally, let me share one of my own experiences. Of the two women I’m currently seeing, one is a typical papa-katsu girl who treats time as money. She asked me to increase her allowance. I would normally have turned her down, but her calculations were so favorable to me that I wanted to say, “Is your calculator out of batteries?” (I actually did say that.) Naturally, I agreed—because it was a good proposal for me too. At the same time, she told me, “Joe-san has given me experiences money can’t buy.” I couldn’t tell whether I was being praised or insulted. But we went to Paris together last month, so I don’t think she dislikes me—or at least that’s what I’d like to believe. I may not have made my point very clearly, but if your proposal is also beneficial to him, he may be willing to accept it. It’s important to clearly communicate what you want, but please also take his feelings into consideration, at least a little.

At this rate, I don’t think you’ll be able to keep this up emotionally. First, I’d say something along these lines: “I’m so sorry, but work has been unbelievably busy lately… 😭 Even now, every time we try to arrange a day to meet, I have to negotiate with my boss and struggle to rearrange my work schedule. I feel really torn between wanting to prioritize my plans with you and feeling like I need to focus on work… It’s been really difficult for me 😭 I feel too guilty continuing to receive a monthly allowance like this, so… I think I’d rather go back to how things were before 😭” You can work out the details yourself, but apologize sincerely and ask him to end the monthly arrangement. If he still doesn’t understand after you’ve explained it this clearly and absolutely refuses to pay on a pay-per-meeting basis, then he’s just a terrible papa. If it were me, I’d register with another dating club and sincerely apologize to that man before ending the relationship. There are plenty of older men out there, so I’m sure you’ll find someone new soon.

If that’s your only complaint, I’m not sure whether you’ll find someone better, but it may be worth looking around while putting up with the 10,000 yen or so. That said, this papa clearly wants to keep the arrangement as cheap as possible, so if you continue not meeting the number of adult relationship dates he wants, it seems like things may eventually come to an end.

This is “Shiro Usagi.” If you can receive 15, then three adult meetings would be within the acceptable range, right? In that case, how about meeting three times a month when it works for you? If you turn him down every time, he may start to get suspicious, so perhaps try alternating months without letting him notice. You could also keep those open dates available in case you receive another offer. If he were truly an ideal supporter, I think he’d offer better terms than you’re getting now if he wanted to switch to a fixed monthly arrangement. So maybe he’s hoping to keep things cheaper than they are now. You never know how long that papa will continue seeing you, so don’t say you’re out of energy—hang in there.

I’m not saying you should just put up with losing ¥10,000, but if that amount bothers you, I think you’re better off ending the monthly arrangement. Judging from the messages you shared, he seems to be calculating things too, so you’re both being practical about it. More than anything, despite writing such a long post, you never mention having any feelings for him at all, so yours is clearly a transactional relationship. In that case, I don’t see how you can reach an understanding with a man who wants to see you “like a boyfriend and girlfriend.” Besides, isn’t the usual amount for a monthly arrangement at least ¥300,000? Talking to him directly is one option. You could politely explain that you started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to repay your student loans, which is your top priority; that you’re busy with work, so you can’t help thinking about how much time you’re spending relative to the allowance you receive; and that last month, it bothered you that the amount was lower than what you would have received on a pay-per-meeting basis. Then you could suggest switching back to pay-per-meeting. You don’t need to explicitly say that you have no feelings for him, but I think you should avoid making comments that might give him false hope. That said, I get the impression that you may not have the kind of relationship where you can communicate that directly. So realistically, it may be best to pretend your schedules don’t line up and gradually adjust the number of meetings to match the ¥150,000. You may end up losing out a little, but you’ll probably have to accept that. If he asks to discuss things directly, you could explain your position along the lines of what I described above. I think there’s a more-than-tenfold difference in the hourly rate between “like a boyfriend and girlfriend” and actually being boyfriend and girlfriend. He needs to understand that things won’t go exactly the way he wants, but that being able to see you under the agreed terms is still better than not seeing you at all. Since this is an emotional issue rather than a logical or financial one, it will take time, and timing is important too. In negotiations, the person who understands the situation best has the advantage, so please use the answers here—including those from the other respondents—as a reference and take the initiative in moving things forward. Taro

You’re both being so petty… honestly, you’re as bad as each other. Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is meant to make life more fulfilling, so let’s build a relationship that adds meaning to both your lives. You still have many times more life ahead of you than you’ve lived so far, so live in a way that makes it fulfilling. You only get one life.

If you want to continue seeing this papa (a male supporter), I think the appropriate advice is to just accept losing around ¥10,000. Negotiating your allowance is a privilege reserved for popular women. You can negotiate because you have enough options to date other men. That’s how risky negotiating your allowance can be. In other words, the reason this papa negotiated with you is that he believes you’ll still accept it—or that, if you don’t, he can simply look for another woman. That said, he’ll probably try to negotiate the allowance down again in the future. Men who ask for a lower allowance in pursuit of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship are often ultimately aiming to bring it down to zero. So what you should decide in advance is your cutoff point. It’s important to set your own line beforehand: once things reach this point, you’ll end things with him and start looking for someone else.