I’m new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).

It’s a difficult issue, but I think the person asking should start by getting tested regularly. In the past, a woman outside the club told me she had contracted chlamydia from me and asked me to see a doctor. I went to the hospital right away and had a urine test, which came back negative. Apparently, it isn’t easy to detect chlamydia bacteria under a microscope. Since it was clear that the woman had chlamydia, I was prescribed medication as well, even though I had no symptoms. At the same time, the doctor told me to contact every woman I was seeing, even if I had tested negative and had no symptoms. So I contacted them all and had them go to the hospital. They all tested negative, although I had them take medication anyway. I’ll leave out the details, but it cost me money and, more than anything, damaged those relationships. What I’m trying to say is that once someone contracts an STI, it can be difficult—especially in club arrangements—to contact everyone involved, and there’s a good chance the relationships will suffer. Besides, even if you ask a papa (a male supporter) about the other women he’s seeing, he won’t necessarily tell you the truth. I don’t particularly like the expression, but ultimately, it comes down to personal responsibility. I believe men should provide condoms as a matter of courtesy, but women should also prepare their own condoms to protect themselves. Regular testing is important too. I don’t like sounding preachy, but when it comes to infections, there’s a possibility that you may not be able to take full responsibility if you do become infected. So let’s both act carefully.

Before we have sex for the first time, I tell them something like, “I’m seeing other women as well, and I always use condoms so I don’t pass anything on to them. By the way, do you have anyone else you’re intimate with—whether it’s a boyfriend, a papa, a casual partner, or whatever? If so, have you been tested for STIs? When was your most recent test?” What’s the issue? To be extra sure, after we have sex for the first time, I take them to a doctor I know well and have them tested for STIs at my expense. The tests cover everything—vaginal, throat, and blood tests—so they have to pay out of pocket. I do this even if they say, “I was tested a month ago.” I think men like me, who are seriously seeing multiple people, are actually more cautious and less likely to have anything to do with STIs. Of course, there are careless people too. Also, I think almost every man who says, “I’m only seeing you,” is lying—with the exception of Date-san. If I remember correctly, Early-san has one partner in each area he visits for work, and tells each of them, “You’re the only person I’m seeing,” doesn’t he? I’m not criticizing him; I’m pretty sure he wrote that himself. Date-san <<< Early-san (by an overwhelming margin). I don’t lie—not for ethical reasons, but because dealing with the consequences afterward is too much trouble.

>I’m thinking of asking my papa (a male supporter) whether he’s seeing multiple people. It shouldn’t take much thought to realize that asking won’t actually tell you whether he is—but do you still just want to ask anyway? For example, even if he says, “I’m not seeing anyone else,” there’s no way to know from that answer whether it’s true. The same goes if he says, “I am seeing multiple people.” He could still be lying for some reason. So even if you ask, you won’t know the truth. If asking won’t tell you anything, it seems almost the same as not asking at all. I think you should take some time to think again about whether you simply want to ask for your own peace of mind.

I told her, even though she hadn’t asked, “You’re the only person I’m seeing.” (lol) She received offers from other men a few times, but each time she asked me, “I’ve been invited to meet someone. Is it okay if I go?” I always told her, “Sure, that’s fine.” I think she actually met with them several times. But in the end, when I was the only one inviting her out every other week, it somehow ended up being just me. I guess the other men turned her down. (lol) These days, she consistently invites me out every other week. (lol) I’ve never once turned down one of her invitations. P.S. I had a feeling it would happen. She was a very strong-willed, unsophisticated girl, so I thought this wouldn’t last! And sure enough, it turned out exactly as I expected.

It’s a difficult issue, but once you’ve gotten fairly close, I think it’s worth cutely saying, “I’d hate it if you were seeing other girls♡” That worked for me. However, they’ll usually just lie and say, “There’s no one else,” so realistically, all you can do is accept it and be thorough about protecting yourself from infections.

I’ve never been asked by a woman, so I think she’d be pretty put off if she asked and I brought it up. People who are going to talk about it probably do so from the very beginning. As for me, if I’m not considering pursuing the relationship—because the woman was quite different from what I expected when we met—I may mention that I’m seeing someone else. I’ve never told or been asked about it by women I wanted to pursue or women I’ve continued seeing long-term. So, I haven’t said anything, but it’s not as though I’ve lied about it either. I think it’s fairly easy to tell whether someone is seeing multiple people. Ask when they’re available, and if they always reply with an immediate “yes,” just like usual, you can at least tell that you’re their main priority. If they need to coordinate their schedule, or if their reply takes longer than usual—or they’re generally slow to respond—you can probably assume they’re seeing multiple people. Also, if you have an adult relationship every time you meet, I think there’s a high chance they’re seeing multiple people as well.

Yes, I think there’s always a possibility that they may lie. I’m upfront from our very first dinner that I have other partners. I assume that most women also have other partners, and even if they don’t have anyone they’re currently seeing, they’re probably having sex with other men when they get offers.