How should I deal with a generous (well-paying) papa?
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I’m a woman in my early thirties and am registered with several clubs, including this one. I have about three or four generous papas who give me cash and gifts worth millions of yen, as well as around ten papas who pay 100,000 yen or more on a pay-per-meeting basis.
Recently, I’ve started feeling like one of my generous papas is taking me for granted because he thinks he’s already “won” me. Should I gradually make him a little jealous?
I’ve been seeing this papa for about six months. From the beginning, he gave me nearly 200,000 yen per meeting, and he gave me a gift worth over a million yen on our second date.
He’s a very refined man who always treated me with respect, but recently he gave me a card and told me I could use it freely. After I started pretending that I’d quit the club, his attitude changed a little.
For example, he asked me about marriage, so I flattered him by saying, “I’d like to marry someone like you,” and he replied, “Don’t set your sights so high.” When I modestly mentioned my looks, he said, “You get used to an ugly face in three days.” He also said, “Since I gave you the card, it’s okay to reduce your allowance, right?” (I negotiated, and he gave me the usual amount that day.)
Incidentally, I’ve only used the card once.
Until now, I’ve portrayed myself as a serious woman with little experience with men who doesn’t own any designer items. But while continuing to express my gratitude to this papa for the allowance, should I gradually hint that, as a woman in my early thirties, I naturally meet successful, well-off men through work, and that I’ve even been scouted by famous clubs in Ginza and Roppongi and could start working there anytime, so he doesn’t lose interest?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Criticizing someone’s appearance is often the beginning of emotional abuse, or at the very least a sign that they have serious issues with their character. Can you really say that someone who deliberately chooses words meant to hurt you truly cares about you?
For the sake of your self-esteem, I recommend ending the relationship. If you have plenty of other generous (well-paying) papas, losing one shouldn’t be a problem at all.
Besides, my papa gives me a card too, but he’s never once suggested reducing my allowance. Can someone that petty and mean really be called a generous (well-paying) papa in the true sense of the word…? It still seems like you’d be better off ending things.
> Gradually hinting that I’ve been scouted by famous clubs in Ginza and Roppongi and could work there anytime
As for this, having experience in the nightlife industry will only be a disadvantage with generous (well-paying) papas in the papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) market, so you absolutely shouldn’t say anything like “I want to work.”
I used to work at well-known establishments in Ginza and Roppongi too, but I never mention it. My papa even says, “You could never work in nightlife. You probably couldn’t handle serving male customers.” I think your relationship will suffer if you shatter that image.
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From the man’s perspective:
> “I give her cash and gifts worth millions of yen.”
At that point, he’s probably okay even if they never meet again. He wouldn’t mind at all if the woman left.
The excitement and surprise of that moment can only be experienced once—not just by the woman, but by the man as well…
A woman can only react that way once, too. (Questioner, you’ll never be able to show that same expression of genuine surprise for the first time again.)
In reality, the woman usually doesn’t leave, so the relationship continues.
There may even be a small part of him that feels hopeful—and a little happy—thinking, “It might be better if she left,” since then he could move on to the next woman.
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“Make him jealous.”
“Pretend you quit the club.”
“Pretend you’re serious-minded, have no experience with men, and don’t own any designer items.”
“You won’t get bored of each other if you drop hints.”
That feels like way too many carefully crafted personas to me.
Where is the real you in all this, I wonder?
The man you’re seeing may also be playing a role-filled version of himself, but while I understand that you’re receiving a lot of money and gifts, I couldn’t help thinking, “What a sad person…”
You must not be satisfied with the relationship as it is now…
Best of luck(^^)
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“Severity” scale
＝＝＝＝＝
① Provoking people because they want the respondents’ attention, ② wanting to make small talk because they’re bored, though not malicious, ③ wanting a quick answer because researching it themselves or contacting the branch is too much trouble, ④ a genuine question, ⑤ seriously struggling with a real problem (severity increases from ① to ⑤)
＝＝＝＝＝
Going by that scale, I’d say this is probably a ①, just like Kaz’s.
Kaz, you’re kind to humor them.
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①
After reading your question, I had the same thoughts as your partner.
I’ve never told a partner that I was reducing her allowance, but if I ever did, it would probably be because I no longer felt she was worth even having a conversation with.
After judging a woman that way, jealousy would be downright laughable. He might meet her a few more times just to watch such a ridiculously silly little drama unfold, but he’d probably get bored quickly.
If you take a good, honest look at yourself, you may be able to avoid having people become fed up with you.
To be recognized by a man who gives you a generous allowance, you need to be a woman unlike anyone else.
A note after reading Mack’s answer:
> “Kazu, you’re kind to give her your time.”
I meant that I was being kind to the readers, not to the person who posted the question.
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