Where do you usually meet for the first time?

Some women apparently say they’re afraid of private rooms because men from dating apps scare them. But I’ve never met a woman who said she would have preferred somewhere other than a private room. If someone said that, I’d just accept it and move on. Personally, for a first date, I’d choose either a private room or a semi-private room—no other option. I’m a C-type, so I discuss the terms of the arrangement at the end of the meal. An open setting just won’t work for me. I don’t want the people at the next table overhearing us, and I’d hate that. From the second date onward, I’m fine going somewhere other than a private room.

As you suspect, I don’t think there’s one right answer. I’ve also chosen hotel buffets before, thinking she might be a picky or light eater, but they were surprisingly unpopular on the Q&A site. If a woman responds to a man’s thoughtful consideration by saying she doesn’t like private rooms or can’t eat a set course meal, I’d simply conclude that she’s that kind of person and move on. You seem to be treating her like a gentleman, so I hope you’ll continue doing so. Personally, though, I wouldn’t choose counter seating for a first meal. It’s just too difficult to discuss the allowance and an adult relationship that way.

You’re very close, but you’ve made a mistake at the last hurdle, which is a shame. I think it was good that you asked the woman through the staff, but her answer—that anywhere was fine and she didn’t care what she ate—also makes me wonder whether the question was phrased oddly. Usually, her profile will list foods she likes, so you pick two and ask: “You wrote that you like ○○ and △△. Which would you prefer?” Giving her two options like that is the most basic approach. If you offer two choices, you’d expect her to pick one, but in reality, you may still get “Either is fine” more often than not. (So much for the basics…) When that happens, you can simply decide between the two yourself. As for the location, I don’t think you need to ask too much. However, since full-course meals can be difficult to finish, it would be a good idea to talk to the restaurant in advance about reducing the portion sizes or arranging things so the meal can be finished in about an hour. So I think it’s too soon to conclude that a full-course meal itself is a bad idea. What matters afterward is making a good impression on the woman. Even if she can’t finish the course, the fact that you took her to such a restaurant is still a plus. You just need to show a little consideration rather than serving the full course exactly as it is. Of course, you can also make a good impression simply by taking her to a restaurant with a nice atmosphere, even if it isn’t a full-course restaurant. But finding places like that can be quite difficult. A certain number of male members know those kinds of restaurants—or rather, men who do well with women tend to be men who know good restaurants—so I’m often impressed by them. They also tend to have interesting knowledge to share, which probably makes for enjoyable conversation. For example: “The owner of this restaurant used to work at such-and-such a place, and the ○○ dish he made there was really good.” As for private rooms, I’ve never heard anyone say that they would have preferred not to have a private room for the first meeting, so I’m more curious about what kind of restaurant you took her to. Also, in my experience, women in Dating Type D generally don’t seem to care much about the meal itself. If she’s a Type D woman, I think she’d be happier if you put that money toward her allowance instead. Some may call this prejudice, but if the meal matters to her, I think it’s better to stick with Dating Types A–C. (That’s referring to the women.)

A private room is nice, but I can’t finish a set course meal, so à la carte might have been better. As someone mentioned, it would be ideal to have a regular place, though… - Upscale pricing, but not a hotel - Spacious seating, even without a private room, so you’re less likely to be stared at by people nearby With those points in mind, in Tokyo I’d recommend spacious restaurants like BLT Steak in the office building at Roppongi-itchome or Wolfgang’s in Aoyama. Wolfgang’s is also pretty dimly lit inside. If you want to keep things casual, how about a stylish but lively Italian restaurant like Cafe La Boheme, which has locations around Azabu-Juban? Another option is to choose a bar outside a hotel with an extensive food menu—somewhere spacious and dimly lit. Mizunara Cask in Roppongi has a lot of hostesses, but you can blend in nicely. I’m not saying you have to go to any of these places; just use the names as search terms to find similar restaurants.

If you don’t genuinely enjoy food yourself, the other person won’t be able to have a truly enjoyable time either. If you’re interested, you should be the kind of person who enjoys walking around town looking for great restaurants, or who can spend hours at home searching for places you’d enjoy with a woman. I think taking an interest in food and restaurants is the most important secret. As for places that feel boring—high-end hotel restaurants and fancy restaurants that anyone can go to as long as they have the money, even if they have no palate—club girls have probably been taken to those places so many times that they’re sick of them. That’s probably why the private room you chose felt boring to her too. Whether it’s a private room, a set menu, or anything else, if you make good choices, she should be happy. Especially on the first day, you have a chance to really make an impression. In reality, even if it’s a private room or a set menu, and the restaurant does matter to some extent, your behavior and conversation are far more important. With a set menu, you can also create an atmosphere where she feels comfortable leaving anything she can’t finish. So if she responded with the kind of comment mentioned in your question, I think there were probably some serious problems with the conversation itself. Before worrying about choosing the venue, you should first think about being considerate of the other person. P.S. Also, your reactions matter. When something is genuinely delicious, it’s good to show a different reaction—like, “This is insanely good!” Having to say that everything is delicious all the time can also be tiring for women who are being treated to the meal.

After reading the question, I felt the missing piece was that, after hearing “anywhere is fine, and I’m not picky about food” and deciding on a private-room set menu, you didn’t send a quick follow-up like, “I’ve decided on a private-room course, so please come hungry.” I think it’s also a good idea to tell her the restaurant’s name—and, if possible, the name of the course. Here’s what I pay attention to: 1. In each city, there are places where papa-katsu couples tend to gather—like the Marriott in Nagoya—so I avoid those. It would be awkward to run into a papa-katsu girl or papa I know. 2. Go somewhere familiar that you’re used to. 3. Have a backup restaurant in mind in case, for some reason, the first one can’t be used. 4. Don’t order a set menu. At an upscale restaurant with an à la carte menu, order just one dish. Something I used to do often was meet in a hotel lobby, say, “I’m craving ramen—is that okay?” and then order an exquisite bowl of soup noodles with abalone, shark fin, and so on at the high-end Chinese restaurant upstairs. I’d just reserve a table. If that wasn’t enough, we could order some dim sum or almond jelly. 5. These days, I mostly meet during the day. We meet in a hotel lobby, then I let her choose between tea, a light meal, or a cake set in the lounge. That’s more than enough for a first meeting. I’m also careful about the seating. If there are customers nearby who might make things uncomfortable—older women or groups with young girls, for example—I ask to be moved, or change restaurants altogether. Sometimes we even leave the hotel and go to a relatively quiet Starbucks. You have to read the atmosphere and adapt. We can talk things over at Starbucks first, then decide on another restaurant, make a reservation, and move there. That’s about it. Above all, the atmosphere shouldn’t become awkward. It’s useful to have a few familiar upscale restaurants that usually aren’t too crowded, since they tend to be flexible. Though, to be fair, that’s also because I’m single, eat out every day, and am reasonably comfortable financially.

I often hear women say they didn’t like hotel lounges or counter seating, so as a general rule, I think private rooms are the better option. There are especially many stories about men discussing allowances or the terms of the arrangement in loud voices at hotel lounges or counters, making the woman want to get away from the situation. > The person I met the other day had the staff ask her in advance, and she replied, “Anywhere is fine, and I’ll eat anything.” > So I booked a private room with a set course menu, but she said, “I would’ve preferred somewhere that wasn’t private at first. I can’t eat a course menu, so this is a problem.” Maybe she couldn’t picture the setting for the first meeting, or maybe she just gave an offhand answer at the time. A woman who complains without even remembering what she said is too much trouble for me, so I wouldn’t see her again. One more thing I remembered: I also avoid stylish or well-known restaurants where her friends, coworkers, or acquaintances might go.