I’ve been feeling uneasy when trying to make plans with several men.
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Since they’re all busy, I messaged them about a month in advance, saying, “I’m available from ○○ to ○○ in March!” so we could arrange a date.
They replied, “I’ll check my schedule again!” but I haven’t heard anything since about setting a specific date. Does that mean they’re not really interested in seeing me that much? If so, I wish they’d just say so clearly. I can’t make my own plans either… They were the ones who said, “Let’s meet again,” so that’s why I messaged them in the first place.
Would it be okay to message them again about a week before and ask what happened? I’m honestly sad and frustrated that several of them have treated me so inconsiderately.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
They told me, “Let’s meet again sometime…”
But it wasn’t like they asked, “Are you free on [date]?”
In that case, wouldn’t it be fine to reply, “Yes, I’m looking forward to it. I’ll wait to hear from you”?
“Let’s meet again sometime” feels more like a polite social nicety to me.
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Did I give off a really strong papa-katsu vibe??
I don’t mind messaging about the day we’re meeting,
but I really don’t want to deal with arranging dates.
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Some people, both men and women, are just slow to respond when it comes to setting dates. Whether that’s simply their personality or because they’re not particularly interested in you depends on the person, so it’s impossible to know for sure.
Honestly, worrying about someone else’s slow replies is a waste of time. Why not set your own unspoken time limit for how long their response remains valid?
For example, tell them, “I’m available from the Xth to the Yth.” If you don’t hear back after a full day or two, just treat those plans as tentative and assume they’re off for now, then go ahead and make your own plans as usual.
If they complain afterward that your schedules no longer match, you can simply say, “Your reply was too slow, so that’s just how it turned out. If you’re going to complain, reply sooner next time.”
As for how many days to wait, decide on a case-by-case basis, depending on how much you expect from that person and what your current circumstances are.
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People who are bad at scheduling can really make you feel like they don’t value you, which is frustrating.
I think it’s perfectly fine to follow up without overthinking it, with something like, “How does your schedule look for March?”
My own schedule is so irregular that I’m always saying weird things like, “Tentatively booked for the 〇th!” So I’m nothing but grateful to my papa (male supporter) for being so understanding of my selfish requests!
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There’s no way for us to know whether it’s okay to ask or not.
Saying things like, “Doesn’t that show he doesn’t really want to see me that much?” or “Do you think it’s okay if I ask?” isn’t actually asking a question—it’s just seeking agreement or validation.
I also think it’s dishonest to post something that isn’t a question in a Q&A box.
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