I’ve only been seeing each of them for a few months, but at least from my perspective, we have good relationships and enjoy spending time together.
That said, during our conversations, each of them has mentioned things like:
“I want to start attending a vocational school, but it would cost ¥___…”
“I’d like to get a pet, but it would cost ¥___…”
“My iPhone broke.”
None of these sounded like they were directly asking me for money, but what would you do in this situation? Just ignore it?
I wouldn’t mind helping them out, but I’m concerned that being able to get whatever they want right away might not be good for them in the long run. Am I just meddling?
For reference, I give all of them allowances in the six-figure yen range, so I feel they could manage if they cut back a little.
Do women bring up things like this hoping that, by chance, you’ll offer to pay? If so, I might find that a little off-putting.
I’m not even sure anymore whether this is a rant or a question, but I’d appreciate any advice I can use in my future relationships with these women.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
I just ignore things like that.
You’re giving her an allowance, aren’t you? Isn’t that enough? From a customer’s perspective, it’s much more reassuring when everything is included and the pricing is clear. If it were a rip-off establishment in Kabukicho, scary people might show up, so you’d pay for the time being and then head straight to the police box, right? But if it’s just a woman saying something in a comment, ignoring it is better for everyone. I think a true gentleman would smile, mentally say, “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” and let it go in one ear and out the other.
That kind of thing happens all the time in hostess clubs. How often did you come in? How many bottles of Dom Pérignon did you open? But wasn’t that precisely why dating clubs were supposed to be different? Sure, some people are loudly trying to create that kind of trend. But given that there are also plenty of straightforward women who simply register, I think the question, from a man’s perspective, is whether it’s smarter to agonize over what gifts to give these loud women or to pay the introduction fee, make an offer, and find a straightforward woman.
After meeting all kinds of women, I think you eventually come across someone who makes you feel, “It has to be her.”
When a woman says something like that, and I believe fulfilling it would make her happy—or greatly reduce the extent of her unhappiness—I’ll give her the gift without hesitation, even if she hasn’t asked for it. For example, paying for the entire breast reconstruction surgery after a mastectomy for breast cancer. But in the first place, it’s more often not about money. Maybe it’s the words you say to a woman driven so far into despair by the turmoil of a divorce that she’s even contemplating suicide. Buying her the latest iPhone wouldn’t solve that situation, would it? The same goes for a Birkin bag.
Weren’t male and female members, at heart, looking for that kind of thing??? If not, then it’s basically just hostess-club culture. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with iPhones or pets. I’m simply saying that the frequently seen sign reading, “Please don’t feed the pigeons,” is correct.
Taro
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I only have one woman I’m seeing, but she sometimes asks me for things too.
I always say, “Sure, sure,” and have never outright refused her. If it’s something expensive, I’ll say, “If you really need it, get something cheaper.”
We’ve been seeing each other for over four years now, and honestly, I’m extremely popular with my dating partner（笑）
I’ve mentioned this in this Q&A box a few times before, but she tells me I’m handsome. When I say, “Look at us in the mirror—we obviously look strange together, don’t we?” she says, “Not at all! We look perfect together.”（笑）
I think you should simply respond honestly to your dating partner’s requests too. You’ll become incredibly popular（笑）
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Rather than ignoring it, I’d just say, “Oh, I see. That sounds tough.”
It’s not like she’s asking you for money, right? Why not just take her words at face value instead of reading too much into them?
If you feel like it, you could simply say, “Then I’ll give you some,” and hand her a little. And if you’re not particularly inclined to, I think it’s fine not to give her anything.
In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you use money as bait to attract girls. But if you use fancy shrimp or such expensive bait that the fish can no longer eat worms or insects, you’d worry that all the fish might die, right? That’s a needless concern.
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A papa (a male supporter) who offers a two-digit allowance is definitely generous (well-paying), so she’s probably testing the waters to see if she can get even more.
Personally, I’d just ignore her.
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You must give off the impression that you’ll pay for everything, huh? Are you an ATM papa (lol), or just really kind?
Maybe because you hand over five-figure amounts, the women’s expectations keep growing.
No one’s ever even hinted at that with me. If they did, I’d lose interest. I’m not comfortable with women who are all about money.
That said, I do make sure to give them a proper allowance...
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> At least I feel like we’re enjoying a good relationship and getting along well with each other.
It doesn’t really seem that way. You’ve only been seeing each other for a few months, right?
> I’m giving her a six-figure amount in yen, so I feel like anything can be worked out if I just put up with a little.
That’s exactly the kind of thing that gets you labeled as an unpleasant papa who thinks money can buy anything, according to women in these clubs.
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> “I wouldn’t mind getting it for her.”
I think it depends on whether that’s truly how you feel.
If you feel it would be a waste, then I think you’re better off not buying it. But if it wouldn’t put any strain on your finances, I don’t see why you couldn’t buy her something like an iPhone.
I don’t understand what bothers you about her using an iPhone that you gave her as a gift.
I think it also comes down to what you personally value and what you don’t. If you’re into gadgets, some people might be happy to give gifts like an iPhone, a motorcycle, or a car.
Regardless of the details, when you say, “I don’t think having everything they want immediately is good for them in the long run,” I can’t help thinking you’re just being stingy while pretending it’s for her benefit.
Even if she isn’t someone you have an allowance-based relationship with, is being so miserly really enjoyable?
Of course, if you don’t have much financial leeway, then I think it’s perfectly natural not to want to spend the money.
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You generally wouldn’t make such blatantly demanding requests of a papa (a male supporter) you genuinely respect.
Unfortunately, I think those girls look down on you.
If you adore her and want to give her things without expecting anything in return, then buy her whatever you like. But basically, I think it’s fine to ignore those requests.
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Female member Potassium here.
If you’re wondering, “Is she saying this because she’s hoping something might happen?” then I’d say yes.
They’re women doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so of course they’re going to hope for the best. They’re literally a group of women who, ideally, want to date someone in exchange for money, right? lol
I don’t want my papa (a male supporter) to think that way about me, and I want to buy the things I want with my own money. So whenever there’s something I want, I tell him:
“I’ll pay for it with my allowance. I’m able to do this thanks to you, so thank you.”
That’s how I honestly feel. Also, I never name the amount myself. Of course, I’m not expecting him to buy it for me—I just want to tell him what I’m using my allowance for.
That said, if he unexpectedly does buy it for me, I’m genuinely even happier. But I don’t want to take advantage of his kindness. The moment I start relying on him, I feel like everything we’ve built could come crashing down.
I don’t want my papa to feel the way the person asking this question does.
I’ve given the same answer before, but I think there’s something we can learn from the following story:
A developed country dug wells for a developing country, allowing the locals to drink clean water. However, because the developed country never taught them how to dig or maintain the wells, the locals eventually became unable to digest even the dirty water they had been drinking before—and in the end, they were actually worse off.
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My allowance is less than half of the amount the questioner receives, but I’ve never been approached with anything like that.
So I can’t speak from personal experience, but I’d assume that if someone said something like that, they were hoping to get lucky, so I’d just ignore it. If it happened repeatedly, I’d find it bothersome and probably keep my distance.
I have been asked, “Would it be possible to receive the equivalent of ○○ allowances in advance for ○○?” Since the women who make requests like that have all been in an arrangement with me for over a year, I agree.
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