I’d like to ask everyone about two things. I’d really appreciate your opinions.

It’s only natural to assume that you’re being deceived. That said, if he’s a male member of a club, why not check his star rating? Most gentlemanly male members probably have five-star ratings, so if his rating is two stars or lower, it would be reasonable to conclude that you’re being scammed.

For the first meeting, don’t agree to a bank transfer afterward. Ask for cash, or have him transfer it in advance. Accepting a transfer afterward when there’s no track record is far too risky. If he won’t agree, just move on and wait for an offer from another papa.

Let’s compare it to rent, though I’m not sure it’s the perfect analogy. For example, February’s rent is usually paid by the end of January. So what happens if you move in on January 30? There are various ways to handle it, but prorating the rent is common. In other words, if you’re intimate on January 30, settle the allowance on the spot, then have him transfer February’s allowance on the 31st. That way, you can feel secure. Though maybe an allowance isn’t really the same as rent. Either way, the wording gives off strong “use you and disappear” vibes.

Payment afterward is out of the question. If it’s a monthly arrangement, then if he really wants to make the woman happy, he should pay upfront. This is obviously a “use her and disappear” scam. You should probably end the arrangement altogether. Next time you meet, ask to change it so you’re paid that day, before going to the hotel: “Would it be okay if we switched to pay-per-meeting?” P.S. Wait—reading it more carefully, it doesn’t actually say he pays afterward, does it? Does it mean he pays at the end of the month? Could it be that he gives you the following month’s allowance at the end of each month? Normally, he would pay for the upcoming month, so since the payment for the 30th hasn’t been transferred yet, a decent person would pay that day separately. It depends on whether you discussed paying at the end of the month or in advance. If you’re meeting on the 30th and he pays you for that day, then transfers the following month’s allowance on the 31st, that would be perfectly proper. But would he really make a bank transfer, leaving a record of it? > Is it possible to start an arrangement before anything intimate has happened? I think it is. If he likes you that much, then, assuming good faith, he might give you the allowance for the 30th when you meet and say, “I’ll transfer the rest all at once tomorrow.” Or, when you meet on the 30th, he might say, “Since it’s the end of the month, let’s go make the transfer together.” You could also interpret that as him genuinely trying to meet you at the end of the month—the 30th or 31st. So which is it? There’s a huge difference between being paid afterward and being paid in advance.

It depends on the nature of your relationship, but if you’ve only just met, I’d advise against accepting payment afterward, since there’s a chance you may never receive it. In other words, even if you meet on the 30th and have an adult relationship (intimate), you may not get paid on the 31st. He might say that since you’ve only met once this month, he’ll start paying from the end of the month on a monthly arrangement. But when the end of the following month comes around, he may stop replying, and you may never receive your allowance. Before meeting, you could say something like: “Since the 30th is only one day before the end of the month, could you transfer the money on the 30th? If I can’t confirm the transfer, I won’t come to the meeting.” Since it’s a monthly arrangement, I think it’s normal to be paid even if you only meet once. If a man starts discussing the number of meetings, there’s a high chance he’ll continue making excuses in the future, either refusing to pay or reducing the amount. Also, with a monthly arrangement, if you don’t receive the money upfront, there’s a possibility it may never be paid. It would be better to receive next month’s allowance at the end of this month. If he says that isn’t possible, I think you should switch to pay-per-meeting payments. A monthly arrangement is best with someone you can trust to a certain degree—or someone whose failure to pay you could accept. Alternatively, have him provide personal information, such as his company details, and verify that the information is genuine first. Also, to avoid being secretly filmed and then threatened at the end of the month, carefully check the hotel room for hidden cameras or other recording devices. If you find anything that looks like a hidden camera, take photos and videos of it with your phone or another device. Then leave the hotel by saying something like, “I suddenly feel unwell, so I’m going home,” and immediately send the evidence to the club. Please follow these steps: - Find it before you’re filmed. - Secure evidence. - Leave immediately once you find it. (Even if you confront him, he may apologize at the time, but later claim he did nothing, so there’s no point.) - Send the evidence to the club.

It’s possible to agree to an arrangement before becoming intimate. Of course, if you find out afterward that you’re completely incompatible, you may end things soon after… Also, agreeing to receive a monthly allowance in arrears is a typical tactic for someone planning to disappear afterward. I can’t say whether this particular man intends to do that, but judging by the arrangement alone, it does seem suspicious. You should tell him, “I’ve heard of people disappearing after receiving intimacy on a pay-later basis, so if possible, I’d prefer to be paid in advance.” He may say something like, “Don’t you trust me?” But at the early stages of meeting through a dating club—or, for that matter, when any two people have just met—it’s perfectly normal not to have built trust yet. A decent person will understand that trust hasn’t been established yet and that it’s something you build from here on. They should think, “That’s only fair. I’ll pay in advance.” If he seems reluctant, paradoxically, take it as a sign that you’ve discovered he intended to disappear afterward. There’s no need to worry. If he truly doesn’t have such intentions, he’ll be willing to pay in advance. Don’t be afraid to ask for it.

I’m Zuiki, a male member who always believes in “cash on the barrelhead” first. As you wrote, you and this man agreed that “the monthly allowance will be transferred by the end of each month.” In other words, you already came to an agreement, right? Did you give him your bank details, too? To begin with, bank transfers are a hassle, aren’t they? Paying in cash is the most reliable option, leaves no paper trail, involves no extra effort, and makes it easier to earn the woman’s trust. So why a bank transfer? Is he really going to go all the way to the bank? Or maybe he works at a bank? And there are transfer fees, too. Ah, perhaps he uses online banking. If so, have him transfer the money from his phone right there on Monday the 30th, before things proceed! If your date is during banking hours, meeting at a bank might be an option as well! To answer your questions: 1. Yes, there is a possibility he could take care of business and then disappear! I said a possibility, okay? 2. If I were the woman, I wouldn’t have agreed to those terms in the first place. But since you’d be asking him to change terms you already agreed on, you should ask for the payment upfront while being prepared for the consequences. My recommendation is, as mentioned above, simultaneous payment and performance lol. 3. I’m not sure what you consider the relationship to have officially started, but everyone has their own way of dating. So yes, it’s possible. Just my personal opinion.

That sounds like either an inexperienced man or a scammer. There’s definitely a chance he’ll disappear after getting what he wants. As a rule, you should refuse bank transfers and ask to be paid in cash each time. If you have to compromise, have him transfer the money in advance. If you’ve already agreed, you could go on January 30, prepared for the possibility that he’ll disappear afterward. Even if you lose out, it would only be one allowance. Also, you should confirm beforehand by asking, “By the end of the month, you mean tomorrow, right?” If the money hasn’t been transferred by January 31, report him to the club and ask them to forcibly terminate his membership.

If you’re asking whether both situations happen, I believe they do. I’ve heard stories of people not receiving the money, as well as stories of people who did. I’ve also heard of arrangements ending after just one meeting or one month, while others continued afterward. Apparently, some men occasionally propose a monthly arrangement even though they haven’t become intimate yet. Personally, I can’t understand why anyone would bring up something so risky.