I’m a woman who just started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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Would it be too soon to have an adult relationship (intimate) on the second date?
I recently had a first meeting, and afterward he messaged me saying, “Let’s meet next time with an adult relationship.”
He seems like a really nice person, but is it too soon to have an adult relationship on the second date? I don’t mind becoming intimate in itself, but I’d feel uneasy if things moved too quickly. I also don’t want to turn down the adult relationship and then never get to see him again.
As you put it yourself—“Personally, I…”—what matters is how you feel. What other people are doing isn’t really relevant.
And since you say, “I don’t have an issue with an adult relationship (intimate) itself,” I think it would be helpful to think carefully about what exactly is making you hesitate.
Ultimately, you may actually be uncomfortable with an adult relationship. If there’s some other factor, you won’t be able to resolve the issue unless you identify what it is.
When you say, “I’m anxious that it might be too soon,” it may help to think about what, specifically, you’re anxious about.
You say, “I don’t want to turn down an adult relationship and then be unable to see him again.” It might help to consider which feeling is stronger: not wanting to lose the chance to see him, or feeling anxious—meaning you don’t want to—about having an adult relationship next time.
If he’s already saying that he wants an adult relationship next time, there’s a good chance you won’t see him again if you refuse. However, you should also keep in mind that even if you do have an adult relationship, there’s still a possibility that he won’t want to see you after that.
He probably sees becoming intimate as the starting point. Only after that happens will he decide whether he wants to see you again.
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I’m Zuiki, a new male member and answerer.
An adult relationship on the second date is by no means too soon—especially if you don’t feel uncomfortable with the idea.
The real question is: what exactly are you worried about?
And is it the kind of anxiety that will actually go away after having three or four more dinner dates with this man? Somehow, I feel that continuing to go on dinner dates may only make your anxiety grow.
I recommend taking the plunge and accepting his offer of an adult relationship. You often learn more by taking action.
When you do, be sure to confirm the allowance terms.
I hope your second date goes well.
Just my personal opinion.
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Is this papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) through an app?
I don’t think things are necessarily progressing too quickly just because it happens on the second meeting.
If anything, I believe that continuing to meet for dinner two, three, or four times can establish the relationship in a way that makes it harder to develop into an adult relationship (intimate).
The first few meetings are a time for both people to decide whether they can continue, including whether they’re physically compatible.
You can’t always tell whether the man is truly a good match for you without taking things further.
Once you go to a hotel, he might say he wants to do it without protection, or he might simply be inexperienced and cause you pain—there are all kinds of possibilities.
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If you move things along quickly, you may end up having an adult relationship every time you meet, which would serve your purpose if money is your priority.
That would suit men who are primarily interested in your body.
On the other hand, there are also men who always put the woman’s needs first.
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Whether it’s too soon or not is ultimately for you to decide.
If you make the decision based on what someone else tells you, you may end up thinking, somewhere in the back of your mind, “I only did it because they told me to,” and shift the blame.
If you have any concerns, you should hold off. But if he seems like a good person and the terms of the arrangement are fine, then why not?
Personally, I think you should have the mindset of, “If we can’t meet again just because I turned down adult relationship (intimate) once, then so be it.” Anyone who would stop seeing you over that is simply that kind of person.
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If you feel uneasy because of things like:
- His personality seems problematic
- You’re not attracted to him at all
- You’re worried he might deceive you
then I think it’s best to walk away.
If you want to continue seeing this papa (a male supporter), you’ll probably need to accept it. Otherwise, he’s likely to start seeing another woman who’s open to an adult relationship (intimate), and your relationship with him will probably come to an end.
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Many people enter into an adult relationship (intimate) from the very first meeting.
If I’m turned down even on the second meeting, I assume they didn’t like me and stop seeing them.
If you’re comfortable with it, I think you should accept an adult relationship (intimate) on the second meeting. If you turn it down, things will probably end with that man.
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