I’m planning to register with C soon.

> ① I’m thinking of asking for the transportation allowance upfront, perhaps when we sit down. The club does explain this to the men, but some men don’t like paying upfront. If you insist on receiving the transportation allowance first in that situation, it could put you at a disadvantage. So I think it’s best to swallow your frustration and think, “He’s a barbaric man who can’t even follow the club’s request, so I need to be careful. He’ll probably be troublesome going forward too, but there’s nothing I can do.” Men who can’t follow the instructions given by the club are generally not worth much. It’s obvious that they only think about themselves, which also means they’re unlikely to consider the woman’s feelings. Ideally, you should only have dinner with someone like that and decline any further invitations. That said, you never know when the next offer will come in, so keep your guard up as much as possible, treat him as someone to spend time with until you meet someone better, and remain pleasant. However, if you still haven’t received the transportation allowance by the time you’re parting ways, at least say something like: “I was told by the club that I would definitely receive the transportation allowance. Could I have it, please?” Otherwise, when you report it to the club, they may ask, “Why didn’t you say anything to him?” and you’ll end up feeling doubly upset. > As for the allowance for anything afterward, is it okay to discuss the adult relationship allowance after talking and making sure we get along, before leaving the table? No, that’s not advisable. If you do that, there’s a high chance he won’t want to see you again. The allowance is generally received inside the hotel room. Many men also dislike being asked for it upfront, so even once you’re in the room, you may find yourself wondering how much you can trust him. You should be prepared for the possibility that, in the worst case, you might not receive it until after intimacy. There is a chance of being deceived, but the man could be banned from the club, and the club has his real name and address on file. For these reasons, the risk is probably lower than with ordinary dating apps. That said, some people may still try to deceive you, so you should make an effort during dinner to determine whether he’s someone you can trust. However, you do need to confirm the amount before entering the room. Timing is important here too. Usually, toward the end of dinner or just after it, the man will ask something like, “Can you go somewhere afterward?” or “What do you think about going somewhere after this?” That’s generally when you should ask, “How much would the allowance be?” If you feel the amount is lower than what you’re looking for, you can simply say something like, “I think I’ll head home for today,” and end the evening there. A perceptive man should realize that the allowance didn’t meet your expectations. Apparently, some men occasionally start walking toward a hotel without saying anything. In that case, one option is not to follow him until he tells you where he’s going. However, men who do that are often selfish, so you should expect that dealing with them may be difficult. There’s also the fear that you never know what they might say or do if you refuse to follow them.

Regarding the allowance for an adult relationship, I think it’s best when he says, “How about this much?” and you agree to it. But blurting out, “Give it to me!” at that point feels a bit much. If you hold out your hand first and then take the money, men may instantly lose interest. It could make them feel like you’re forcing a business transaction on them—like, “Ka-ching, here you go, thanks for your business.”

I completely understand how you feel. That’s exactly right. To achieve that, I think the best approach is to leave it up to the man rather than negotiating. > If the result isn’t satisfactory after things are over, you simply don’t have to continue. That’s probably the best attitude to take. I believe the most natural kind of connection is one where neither person has to worry about the allowance, either before or after things happen. I think that’s what dating clubs are for: finding that kind of connection.

I’ve only ever done letter dates. Since I’m a C, the men often message me on LINE right before we meet, saying, “By the way, about the allowance for an adult relationship…” (*´ω`*)

The club recommends paying the allowance upfront, but some men still prefer to pay afterward. It’s entirely up to you to decide that such a man isn’t gentlemanly, end things, and move on. However, it’s not necessarily true that paying upfront makes someone a good man while paying afterward makes him a bad one. If he actually turns out to be a good man, you could end up missing your chance because of that. Also, being asked to pay the allowance for an adult relationship at a restaurant is frankly unpleasant. If it were me, I might go through with the first meeting, but I’d be unlikely to continue seeing him after that. The basic rule is to receive the allowance before intimacy, but I think it’s best to leave the exact timing up to the man. Don’t you think being overly suspicious of him and making him uncomfortable isn’t in your best interest? Incidentally, terms should naturally be discussed during the meal. There’s nothing arrogant or unusual about deciding not to pursue things with a man who doesn’t bring up the terms during the meal. And if you can’t agree on the allowance and things don’t develop into a relationship, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I think it’s perfectly natural to join a dating club for the money, so there’s nothing wrong with that. However, many men dislike a purely transactional relationship centered around money and prefer to keep things as subtle as possible. If, as you say, the man gives you transportation money when you first sit down, brings up the allowance toward the end of the meal, and gives it to you before you move on—or at the latest once you’ve entered the room—then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Unfortunately, there aren’t many men who will clearly bring it up themselves. That said, they’ll usually ask something like, “Are you okay with what comes next?” toward the end of the meal, so I think that’s about the limit of when it’s acceptable for you to mention the allowance. If you push too hard beyond that, he may see you as overly transactional or money-focused. Of course, from the woman’s perspective, it often is about the money. But since the allowance comes from the man enjoying himself, it’s better to make him feel good, loosen the purse strings, and receive your allowance happily. A lot of men want to think, “I know this is ultimately about money, but still—you like me, right?!” There are men who don’t think that way, of course, but assuming they do will generally help you avoid problems. Marika By the way, I agree completely with what Mac said: “Afterward, if you’re not satisfied with how things turned out, you don’t have to continue. That’s the best attitude to have. A woman’s body doesn’t wear out.”

① In my case, I give the transportation money once we’re seated at the restaurant. Before we head out after the meal, I discuss the allowance, then hand it over after we enter the room and she comes back from washing her hands. ② I’ve met dozens of women under these circumstances, and not once has a woman asked me to hand over the allowance. So if she asked for it before we left the restaurant, I’d probably count out the bills and hand them over, feeling awkward the whole time. But privately, I’d be thinking, “She seems poorly brought up. She’s willing to put herself in the hands of someone she doesn’t trust that much?” ③ I think it’s best to wait as long as the questioner can reasonably tolerate. I’ve heard that many men give the allowance afterward. Adding this after reading Date◎Yume’s answer: Come to think of it, women have checked the transportation money in front of me, but no one has ever checked the allowance.

In this world, women worry about men disappearing after getting what they want, while men worry about women disappearing with the money. Well, either can happen, I suppose—who knows which it’ll be?（笑） I’m sure everyone has their own reasons for doing this, but when you decide what kind of arrangement you want, the timing and method of receiving the allowance may change too. Basically, I think either receiving it upfront or afterward is fine, so you should decide based on your own relationship style. But that only applies at the beginning. Once the relationship gets going, women stop checking what’s inside the envelope anyway（笑） That initial tension is nice, isn’t it? I haven’t had an opportunity like that in ages, so I’m jealous（笑）

I think option 1 is fine as a general rule. In my case, I give the transportation money for the first meeting around the time we sit down, discuss the terms toward the end of the main part, and hand it over once everything is finished, before we part ways. That said, if she asks, I’ll sometimes give it to her as soon as we enter the room. Still, when someone asks to be paid upfront, I understand why she might feel uneasy, but I also feel like she doesn’t trust me. It tends to kill my motivation, so these arrangements often don’t last long. Is the equivalent of doing a runner after getting what you want really that common in this world?