I have a boyfriend, so I can’t bring myself to keep up with business sex.

I think you should break up with a boyfriend who makes you feel like you have to keep having transactional sex. People may have different opinions, but money is also a form of affection. If he isn’t providing enough to satisfy you, I’d say that reflects a lack of effort—or a lack of love—on his part.

If it feels too difficult, then it may not be for you, and you’re better off quitting. To begin with, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t suited to people who feel they can only be intimate with one person. It’s better suited to people who can think things like: “Why is Japan monogamous?” “What’s wrong with enjoying time with different people?” “As long as you’re not married, there’s no law saying you can only be with one person, right?” “Everyone has their own way of enjoying life.” Everyone has things they are and aren’t suited for. If you feel this isn’t for you, don’t force yourself—leaving may make you happier.

Thank you for your question. Kurosaki from the Kansai Unit will answer. Even if you feel unable to try your hardest, you may still be able to build a good relationship with a man based on your overall compatibility. However, if it feels exhausting, I don’t think you should force yourself. You may currently be missing the respect you feel for your partner, the enjoyment of going on dates, or the appeal of the money. It might be a good idea to take a break from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—either by putting your membership on hold or withdrawing altogether.

Business sex, lol. This is the first time I’ve heard that term. Would people understand what you mean if you used it? If it’s industry jargon used by professionals, you’d have to be careful with how you use it, though, lol. Words are created in response to new phenomena and emotions, so they’re constantly being coined and fading away with the times. It seems they can be either good or bad, and can be helpful or harmful depending on the person. Honestly, I don’t really understand this “business sex” thing. Sex is sex to me, so I don’t see the difference. But I’m guessing that if it means having sex with someone you don’t actually want to sleep with, then I don’t have any experience that would let me use the term, lol. Sex is still just sex to me, lol. That said, it’s certainly possible that I’ve had sex with women who do it for that reason, and I can think of a few possibilities, lol. I’ve felt that way with escorts and in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), too, lol. So should we come up with terms like “business sex harassment” or “business sex blues” for this phenomenon? lol I wonder what the questioner’s boyfriend is like. Is sex with the questioner “business-less sex”? No, I guess that can just be called ordinary sex, lol.

Because what you’re doing is essentially the same as being a sex worker. If it’s becoming too painful, quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). If it takes a toll on your mental health and you end up needing treatment, it’ll cost you even more time and money. Delete your account today.

It’s hard because you’re having transactional sex. It’s the same reason sex workers’ mental health is such a serious issue. The key is whether you can separate it from sex with your boyfriend and treat it as something you do for fun—almost like a sport. Having someone explore things your boyfriend hasn’t may even make sex with your boyfriend better. I think a healthy dating-club experience depends on how much you can enjoy yourself and whether you can meet men who help you enjoy it.

I think what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. People have different ideas about what defines a boyfriend and how a relationship should work, so of course there are women who don’t see it that way. But by conventional standards, sleeping with another man while you have a boyfriend is considered wrong. It’s only natural to struggle with that contradiction. So maybe you should think of him as a friends-with-benefits partner rather than your boyfriend. Depending on the situation, you could even see him as someone who supports you financially. Still, that may create friction with your boyfriend and lead to a breakup. But it’s actually something you hear fairly often from women who work in the adult-entertainment industry. A dating club isn’t adult entertainment—it’s dating—but if you can’t accept seeing multiple people, then that becomes the dividing line. There was a woman I met through a dating club whom I really clicked with. She told me that if she had enough time to see both me and the other guy, she would choose to see me 100% of the time. So I said, “Then why don’t we just date?” and she said no. Her reason was that it would be strange to receive money from a man she was dating. I told her, “No, that’s not what I mean. From a man’s perspective, paying to have sex and financially supporting a woman he loves may look the same on the surface, but they’re completely different things.” She said she really understood what I meant. So I asked again, “Then why don’t we date?” and she said, “But still, no—not right now.” Yet after that, she continued talking to me with the casual familiarity of a girlfriend. When I said, “You turned me down, remember? Once you’ve rejected me, you can’t really complain if I treat you like a sex worker,” she was visibly hurt. After a while she came back, but her attitude hadn’t changed at all. It felt like some kind of squatter robber who refuses to leave（笑）. Your situation is different, but I think it’s similar in the sense that you’re drawing a line because you feel a contradiction between having a boyfriend and engaging in transactional sex. I think it’s time for you to choose one or the other. If you abandon your boyfriend and choose transactional sex, it will be like marching across a desert. You may end up deeply hurt, with no oasis to refresh you along the way. Your current hesitation comes from being forced to choose between that struggle and your ordinary life. Your values will undoubtedly change. But if you want to remain a decent person, you’ll be okay. Even women in the adult-entertainment industry can experience true love. It isn’t some twisted story; in a sense, it’s about discovering the truth after being exposed to human desire and having every layer of illusion called romance stripped away. In that respect, it may be a higher worldview reached by coming full circle. Some people can handle it without any trouble—they can honestly say they feel nothing. But sensitive people have to climb one step higher. Whether you’re willing to take that step is, I think, the real heart of your question. Taro

I have a boyfriend, so I don’t need to force myself through business sex. > This is exhausting. If this is all it is, I should quit soon.