I met a man arranged for me the other day who kept sneakily staring at the female customers and staff in the restaurant all the time.
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He also spoke to the female staff in an overly familiar way. They looked uncomfortable and clearly seemed to find him a nuisance, while the man alone was having a great time.
The man and I were having a normal conversation, but his eyes kept darting around to look at the women nearby—glance, glance, stare... It was so vulgar and embarrassing to sit next to him (lol). Needless to say, I declined to continue seeing him afterward.
What I’m wondering is: what kind of mindset or values lead men like this one to keep eyeing women and acting overly familiar with restaurant staff?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Glancing at women is something most men do, to some extent, if they’re interested in having an adult relationship with them.
It’s almost unconscious.
Even men who think they don’t do it are probably doing it without realizing.
Unless they’re completely past that stage…
Otherwise, terms like “look harassment” wouldn’t have been coined.
That papa is doing papa-katsu because he’s interested in adult relationships with women, too, right?
That said, there are degrees to everything, and this papa doesn’t seem very experienced with dating women, even privately.
If you know how to handle him well, he might grow into a generous papa who’s all yours, haha.
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You ended up being approached by a creepy man.
He was probably just looking for a one-time thing. He may have been surprised when you turned him down. Be sure to report him to the staff as well. People like that need to be weeded out.
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There do seem to be men like that from time to time. Someone asked about this here before, too.
I’m not a doctor, so this is purely my personal opinion, but I sometimes wonder whether people like that have ADHD-like tendencies—particularly strong hyperactivity and impulsivity.
Most people are able to restrain urges like wanting to look at or touch women, but they can’t control those impulses.
So I feel like they may be watching women without even realizing it themselves.
The best way to deal with it is simply not to get involved with men like that…
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To help reduce the number of gross guys out there, take the transportation money first, then call him out.
And give him feedback upfront saying, “This is a creepy old man.” That way, your own rating won’t go down.
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Was this a place where a server was constantly nearby?
Normally, you don’t really talk to the staff much during a date—probably only when ordering or when they bring something over.
If he was constantly watching the staff, does that mean he wasn’t paying attention to you?
You don’t often see feedback like that, so it sounds like you ended up meeting an exceptionally unusual man.
In that case, there’s no way to know what was going through his mind.
If you want to understand the mindset of someone who isn’t typical, you’d probably be better off asking a psychologist.
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