How do papas treat girls when they reschedule for their own reasons?
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Lately, rescheduling due to my papa’s circumstances has suddenly become more frequent. I basically meet him according to his schedule, but he often reschedules for reasons other than work—like meeting another girl, or because work came up. Even when we set a makeup date, that date ends up being rescheduled too, and last-minute cancellations on the day have also become more common. I’m wondering if he thinks I’ll be okay with it because he trusts me, but it still hurts when he tells me he’s meeting another girl even though he was originally supposed to meet me.
There’s no extra allowance the next time either, and he doesn’t even send me anything to make up for it. Sometimes he doesn’t even say he’s sorry.
It makes me feel like he doesn’t really consider my schedule.
Without any follow-up or effort to make it up to me, I can’t help but feel hurt when I’ve also been rearranging my schedule and getting dressed up to see him. Are other papas like this too?
So far, I’ve only had to reschedule once, when I caught COVID.
For someone I see several times a month, I gave her two meetings’ worth of allowance the next time we met.
Also, when I’m busy with work and our schedules don’t line up, we still make sure to meet at least once a month, so I’ll meet her briefly and give her one meeting’s worth.
That seems pretty disrespectful, so I think you’d be better off looking for someone else.
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> I wonder if the other papas are like that too?
I’m completely different.
Since I only have one much younger dating partner, I treat her well and value our relationship.
Regarding scheduling dates:
I have a fairly flexible schedule, so she usually suggests when to meet. I don’t think I’ve ever turned her down.
Regarding rescheduling:
In four years together, we’ve rescheduled only once. I sent her allowance by bank transfer that time, but since transfers leave a paper trail, I stopped using them. I only pay in cash now.
P.S.
After reading your question, I get the feeling that your papa is trying to end the relationship.
I think you should prepare yourself to move on to the next step.
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Maybe they think I’m fine because they trust me.
You’re a very positive person.
It’s not trust—the questioner has simply been moved to the bottom of his list of priorities. I’m sure there are men who would treat you with much more consideration. Cut ties with him as soon as possible.
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Just yesterday, I had to reschedule because of my papa’s health.
Apparently, it may take several months for him to recover, but he’s a good person, so I feel like he’ll probably be considerate and try to arrange another date in a month or so (lol).
Since it was for next month and he usually gives me a generous five-figure allowance on a pay-per-meeting basis, I was happy to say, “Please take care of yourself,” and agreed. We didn’t exchange any allowance.
If he rescheduled a date I had suggested because of work or something, I could forgive it. But if he invited me, then rescheduled at the last minute without even apologizing, I’d definitely be annoyed!
If he’s a papa you don’t mind cutting ties with, you could get a little adorably angry and say something like, “I’d already gotten ready…” Then maybe ask him to send something as a gesture of consideration.
If you plan to continue seeing him, I think it’s best to clearly tell him that you didn’t like it.
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I’ve never had to reschedule, so it’s hard for me to say.
That said, I wouldn’t date a woman who expected her allowance just because she had prepared for the meeting—even if I were the one who rescheduled.
Likewise, if the woman rescheduled, I wouldn’t get angry since these things happen to both sides.
Though, come to think of it, I’ve never had a woman reschedule for any reason other than work…
By the way, not even saying “I’m sorry” is pretty harsh. But the reason she can tell you’re expecting a little extra allowance is because that’s what you really feel deep down.
You’re being treated that way because this isn’t a relationship based on emotional connection—it’s just a relationship centered on the allowance and sex.
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Isn’t this about the right time to part ways?
I’ve hardly ever had to reschedule.
P.S.
We both consider ourselves to be seeing just one person. (At a club, wouldn’t seeing two or three still count as seeing one person?)
So rather than rescheduling, it would be more like meeting the next day—or, if we can’t meet today, tomorrow or the day after.
There’s never been a reschedule that gets pushed back for several days. We barely even have to go back and forth to coordinate our schedules.
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That papa (a male supporter) sounds like quite a rare case.
When there’s mutual trust, most people wouldn’t be that inconsiderate.
It may be best to tell him clearly, “I trust you and get ready looking forward to our dates, so it’s upsetting when you reschedule at the last minute.” If he still doesn’t improve, ending things is probably your only option.
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> Even then, there’s no extra allowance next time, no money sent separately, and not even a simple “I’m sorry.”
That’s a very inconsiderate man.
If he reschedules, he should at least give you the allowance at the next meeting—so, essentially, double the allowance that time.
He may think that no allowance is owed because you didn’t actually meet, but in the real world, even travel bookings usually charge a 100% cancellation fee for same-day cancellations, and hotels work much the same way.
By that logic, if he’s seeing a woman under an arrangement that includes an allowance, I think he should provide some form of compensation.
This is also a matter of consideration. If he feels bad about it, he should express that somehow. His feelings matter.
But when it comes to putting those feelings into action, I suppose increasing the allowance next time is probably the most natural way to do it—simply as a gesture.
> Are the other papas like that too?
I don’t think they’re all like that, but I imagine there are times—maybe about once a year—when they genuinely have no choice but to reschedule.
If it happens more than twice a year, that might be excessive. And if, like in your case, he’s constantly rescheduling, then I feel the problem lies with the man. However, he probably hasn’t realized that himself.
You might even jokingly say something like, “As an apology, buy me this bag,” and ask for something worth around 500,000 yen.
(Though I hope you’d say it with the mindset that you’ll forgive him even if he doesn’t actually buy it—just ask for it as a gesture.)
Unless you go that far, I don’t think some men will ever understand that changing plans is rude to the other person.
P.S.
Wait, is this about Mac-san’s partner?（笑）
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I’m someone who prefers a small number of deep, long-term arrangements, so I’ve never done anything like that in three years.
If I have to reschedule for my own reasons, I give them two allowances’ worth next time. I actually did that once five years ago.
It probably means you’re pretty low on his list of priorities.
I hope you can find a papa (a male supporter) who’s dedicated to you—or at least makes you his number one.
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To your papa, you may simply be someone who’s convenient for him.
Rather than being a matter of trust, I can sense an arrogant attitude of, “Even if I push you around, you won’t leave me, right?”
This may be a place where both people look for someone who suits their needs, but basic courtesy toward the other person still matters.
In that sense, personally, I don’t think this papa is worth continuing with.
Akari
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I’ve had to reschedule more than ten times, mainly because I catch COVID fairly often (though it’s always been mild or less severe), cosmetic procedures leave me with longer downtime than expected, or I was almost given an STI and couldn’t be intimate with anyone else until my test results came back.
I’ve never canceled at the last minute on the day itself, but I have done so several times the day before.
I always pay the equivalent of one adult relationship. Most of the time, I give them the allowance for the next meeting in advance at the end of the date, so they usually let it slide.
If you’re rescheduling because you’re seeing someone else, at least say it’s because of work.
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Basically, I don’t reschedule for my own convenience.
I’ve been on more than 200 dates with women in the two years since joining Universe Club, and I think I’ve only asked to reschedule two or three times. Women have asked me to reschedule fewer than five times, too.
When I became a suspected close contact and could only meet once a month instead of the twice-monthly arrangement I had with one woman, I gave her two months’ worth of allowance the next time we met.
From the way she usually acted, it seemed I was probably her only papa (a male supporter), and she had always treated me very well, so I felt it was the right thing to do.
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