Why do ordinary working men look down on or dislike women who work at hostess clubs or do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
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I also have another question: My home life is very chaotic, and my older brother is violent toward our family.
When I tell men about it, they pull away. I don’t feel insecure about my family or educational background, but men tell me I seem serious and that I look like someone who would never work at a hostess club or do papa-katsu. They also assume that I come from a good family.
I really dislike this. Do you think it would be okay for me to tell them directly?
The other day, I came across someone on Twitter who looked so delicate, kind, neat and tidy, and petite. She was absolutely beautiful, with a perfect figure!
But when I scrolled back through her posts, I found out she was an adult video actress!
I think the contrast is great, so I feel like it’s better for men to see her as an innocent, wholesome type. ✧*｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡
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I’m a female member here, Potassium ☆
I work a regular day job, and I could never tell my coworkers or bosses that I do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), because I’m sure they’d look down on me.
But in a way, maybe that’s because there’s also a part of me that has unconscious feelings about papa-katsu, or because I’m too fixated on—and overly concerned about—how other people see me for doing it.
I think one reason people look down on it is that women use their femininity to make money, specifically through men. Since it’s an industry that can’t exist without men, the image that “men are giving women a way to make money” may have created that condescending attitude… That’s just my impression, though—just an impression.
※That said, regardless of the job, anyone who takes pride in their work has impressive abilities and shouldn’t be looked down on! Seriously, the girls who work at cabarets and places like that are amazing.
As for talking about family circumstances and personal insecurities:
If someone pulls away even after getting to know the questioner well, they seem like the kind of person with a narrow perspective—someone who only pretends to listen to another person’s way of thinking while judging everything based on their own subjective views and experiences.
If it’s only a superficial relationship, then when the questioner sees that person react with, “Whoa, that’s seriously messed up—I’m so put off by this person,” and does the same thing in return, they probably can’t explain, without personal bias, why they felt put off by that behavior.
If they truly know the other person well, I feel they would listen and try to understand them rather than simply pulling away.
I know it’s really unpleasant, and continuing as things are may be difficult, but things usually go more smoothly if you handle them skillfully without letting your true feelings show—something along the lines of, “Wow, what a small-minded person. Kind of cute, though.”
That’s more or less how I deal with men at my day job. (At the girls’ get-togethers at my workplace, I just go, “Hehe…”)
Of course, so it doesn’t come back to bite me, I always try to stay humble. I don’t go around thinking I’m above everyone else; I also make a point of finding things I can respect about the other person.
I hope this helps the person who asked, even a little, but this is just my personal opinion.
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A papa asks:
Why do women in papa-katsu dislike or look down on you when you say you’re an ordinary salaried worker?
I’m completely dominated by my wife and daughter, and they’re always causing trouble at home. When I tell women that I’m occasionally subjected to violence, they pull away.
It’s frustrating that they assume I must be wealthy and come from a good family. I really hate it. Would it be okay to tell the papa-katsu women directly that I don’t like being treated that way?
LOL
You really don’t get it, do you?
Both your opinion and the situation above are the exact opposite of what people hope for when they enter papa-katsu expecting something from their partner. Of course they don’t like it, right?
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I don’t like hostesses because I get the impression that all they think about is how to get money out of men without sleeping with them.
I do feel sorry for women in the sex industry. A lot of them end up struggling mentally…
But meeting women like that isn’t the purpose of my activities through a dating club, so for me, it’s less about looking down on them and more that I’m simply not interested.
I sympathize with women who come from difficult family backgrounds, but I’m not looking to spend time with someone carrying that kind of negative energy, so I feel I’d be more likely to say goodbye.
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You don’t need to worry about what other people think. Being able to do what you want without caring how foolish you might look is valuable.
When you feel like talking, it’s perfectly fine to tell him directly. I hope you find a papa (a male supporter) like that. It could even deepen your relationship.
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People are going to form their own impressions of you, for better or worse. If you don’t like it, you could explain yourself to each person individually—but isn’t that exhausting?
I realized this when I interviewed a male hairstylist. Hairstylists often dress casually and have flashy hair, so people tend to assume they’re kind of a player. And some really are, lol.
But apparently, becoming a top stylist requires working incredibly hard, seriously honing your skills, and earning the respect of the assistants, so many of them are actually very earnest.
That person also had an inferiority complex toward men in other professions. Since he accepts money from women, he felt that people might see him as someone who panders to women.
I never would have known he felt that way unless I’d asked.
People will make assumptions about you, and you’ll have your own complexes too. If you worry about all of it, it never ends.
Most people aren’t that interested in others anyway, so why not take it a little more easy?
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I think it’s stupid to keep living in a house with a crazy brother like that. Move out and live on your own as soon as possible.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with working at a hostess club. If you can make good money doing it, that’s actually impressive.
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There could be many reasons, but I think one of the main ones is that it can look like you’re making easy money.
People tend to simplify others based on things like their occupation. For example, “Trading company employees probably spend all their time at mixers and are kind of frivolous,” or “civil servants seem serious and responsible.”
I have my own preconception that “female university students probably take the world too lightly because they lack much real-life experience.” You, too, are simplifying things by assuming that “men who work regular daytime jobs dislike—or look down on—women who go to hostess clubs or do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).”
Since it’s difficult for one individual to completely overturn such assumptions, I think the realistic solution is to analyze the other person’s preconceptions and help them understand that you, as an individual, don’t fit them.
There could also be several reasons why someone backs away after hearing that your home life is troubled. The first one that comes to mind is that you might seem like too much trouble.
If your home life is chaotic, it’s likely to affect your emotional state as well. Perhaps they back off because they don’t want to deal with those mood swings.
Here, too, your own assumptions appear in the form of linking academic background with being serious and responsible. The two aren’t related. Academic background often depends largely on the environment provided by one’s parents.
Besides, just because someone takes one particular thing seriously doesn’t mean they’re serious about everything else.
In other words, you, the people around you, and I all initially judge others based on limited information. That’s unavoidable. So depending on your mood at the time and on what kind of person you’re dealing with, you can choose whether to make the effort to show them that you’re not like their assumptions—or simply decide they’re too much trouble and avoid getting involved.
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Ordinary working people generally aren’t likely to go to places like that on their own, so they may not really know what it’s actually like. They probably take their impressions as fact.
When it comes to an unfamiliar world, whether someone remains uninformed or feels disgusted depends on the person. But perhaps rejecting anything beyond their own understanding helps them maintain their peace of mind.
People’s jobs, ways of thinking, and family backgrounds all differ, so it’s best to stay away from those who openly bad-mouth others. The same goes for people who speak of fantasies based on their own assumptions.
“My standards are the standard.”
“My way is the legitimate one.”
Those types are the worst.
Akari
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I think a certain number of people naturally want to one-up others or bask in a sense of superiority.
The men you describe as working ordinary daytime jobs probably don’t have much freedom or disposable income to go to hostess clubs or do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Since they’re from a world different from your own—and, if you consider yourself “ordinary,” from a world that feels extraordinary to them—it may be difficult for them to accept.
That said, some people might also read my comment as me looking down on ordinary working men because I have enough money and free time to go to hostess clubs and do papa-katsu.
Some of the other respondents may even come across as looking down on people who look down on others.
At this point, it’s simply a competition over who can assert superiority and look down on whom.
I don’t necessarily believe that everyone is equal in every respect, but I don’t find this situation particularly pleasant. I try to avoid acting that way as much as possible, though it’s difficult to do so 100% of the time, especially when emotions get involved, and I often end up being misunderstood.
Just as there are probably people around you, as the questioner, whose comments or behavior bother you, I think there are also people who will accept and understand you. Deepening your relationships with those people may be one way to handle things.
No matter how influential or capable you become, getting everyone to understand you and creating a world that fully satisfies you is difficult—perhaps impossible.
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Why do you feel the need to talk about your family situation?
Are you hoping people will feel sorry for you if you tell them?
It’s better not to. Some people may become stalkers when you tell them the truth.
Also, people are put off by a terrible home environment. It can even become the reason they say goodbye. Have you been watching too many manga?
When people look down on hostess clubs or papa-katsu, maybe they’re thinking, “Is using your body the only way you can make money?”
Sorry for changing the subject.
Mr. Loser, wasn’t feng shui just feng shui?
Come on—don’t make weird abbreviations. It’s embarrassing...
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Some of the people answering here make fun of feng shui, too, don’t they? I honestly think they’re the absolute scum of the earth. And those kinds of old men are usually the ones who offer the lowest allowances.
Why is men’s manual labor, like construction work, romanticized, while women’s feng shui and papa-katsu are judged negatively? What makes it even more ridiculous is that these so-called upper-class elites don’t realize their disgusting sense of superiority reeks of gutters and sewers.
I suspect that men who look down on women are often newcomers to papa-katsu.
They got old without having much experience with women when they were young, so they couldn’t understand a woman’s feelings even if they stood on their heads. Or maybe they were born handsome, which is why some of them are messed-up papas who still can’t understand women’s feelings.
Shoo, shoo! Go away! Your stupidity is contagious!!!
P.S.
Nana, apparently that’s what it means. At first, I thought it referred to fortune-telling too. I saw “I have no feng shui experience” written on a woman’s profile and was like, “Huh???” lol
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Men have a desire for the “pure and innocent” type. That’s why people say that, in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), men prefer girls with a refined, wholesome image. There’s even a genre of “pure and innocent” AV actresses, so it isn’t logical in the first place. Just think of it as a male fantasy.
I believe the proper way to approach the nightlife business is to monetize that fantasy. So rather than talking about your complicated family background, it would be best for you to play the kind of woman men imagine, get repeat customers, and have them open Dom Pérignon bottles one after another. That would be to your benefit.
If you genuinely want someone to understand the real you, I think you should choose a customer who has been around the block and knows what they’re doing. The nightlife business is even tougher than papa-katsu. I’m not very familiar with the hostess industry, but I’ve heard that, in the adult entertainment business, soapland workers are the hardest to get to open up. If a man understands that and has even dated someone in that line of work, and he takes a liking to you, then I think it’s fine to be honest about your complicated past. He won’t be put off. Instead, he’ll think, “She’s finally opened up to me—this is where things really begin.”
I hope you find a wonderful connection and finally find peace.
Taro
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