How much leeway do you give a girl on a monthly arrangement when she skips dates?
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I have an arrangement with a girl for ¥150,000 a month and around three dates, but last month she only went on one date due to feeling unwell, her period, and work.
This month, she canceled at the last minute because she had drunk too much the night before and couldn’t wake up.
We’re scheduled to meet next week, and I plan to wait and see for a little longer, but if this kind of thing continues, how long do you usually wait before deciding to move on?
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
What’s the difference between deciding in advance how many times you’ll meet each month and a pay-per-meeting arrangement?
I also meet a woman I’m close with once a month, paying 50,000 yen each time, but that isn’t a monthly arrangement, right?
If you pay the allowance upfront, a woman who doesn’t really want to meet you will try to reduce the number of meetings as much as possible.
On the other hand, wouldn’t you feel lucky if you could meet even a little more often?
It just seems like the two of you are negotiating somewhere in between.
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I thought monthly arrangements were something only men with a really high income entered into, but is that not the case?
No wonder she’s pulling away.
It’s 50,000 yen per meeting, right? That’s standard. She’s already uncomfortable with it, so let her go.
Make a new offer—there are plenty of women waiting for you.
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Kindness and spoiling someone are two different things. You’re all being too lenient.
People say the man is at fault for being avoided—because his allowance is too low, or because he lacks personal hygiene. But whatever the reason, expecting to stand someone up and still get the allowance is simply too convenient.
I’d cut someone like that off immediately.
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I once had a monthly arrangement with just one person, but I’ve never experienced anything like that, so I can’t imagine it continuing month after month. I’d probably be dropped before I had the chance to end things myself.
I think he’d cut me off if I switched back to a pay-per-meeting arrangement.
Also, if you agreed to meet around three times, I’d say anywhere from one to five meetings is probably within the acceptable range. So if you’re able to meet once a month, I think that’s fine.
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A woman who repeatedly cancels at the last minute is being rude, but I also suspect there may be issues with your appearance, cleanliness, or personality, in the sense that she simply doesn’t like you. In other words, you two are a bad match. That’s really all there is to it.
So I’d suggest seeing how things go for another month or two, then switching to a pay-per-meeting arrangement. She has something to learn as well: when agreeing to a monthly arrangement, you shouldn’t accept unreasonable terms. She’s taking papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) far too lightly.
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I’m not blaming you for ending the monthly arrangement, but a promise is a promise—some people keep them, and some break them.
No one likes having promises broken, so I understand how you feel. Anyone who can do something to another person that they themselves would hate—is that really someone you need to show any loyalty or consideration to?
If dealing with them is only going to leave you feeling bad from here on out, sometimes the manly thing to do is just cut ties and walk away, lol.
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Was there a particular reason you switched to a monthly arrangement?
For example, so you could have the money ready before paying rent, etc.
If there’s no specific reason, then switching to pay-per-meeting going forward might resolve your concerns.
That said, from the woman’s perspective, once you’ve said you’ll do a monthly arrangement, I do feel you should show enough commitment to actually pay it. Still, I do sympathize with you about the last-minute cancellation… That must have been rough… (crying)
In any case, the terms match so perfectly that I’m starting to wonder if you might be the papa (a male supporter) who gently let me go the other day!
If you are, don’t chase after her—contact me instead, and we can meet lots♡ (lol)
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You call it “cutting her off,” but if it were me, I’d think, “I’m the one at fault for deciding to enter into a monthly arrangement with her.”
In other words, since I’m the one who made the mistake, I don’t think I’d feel like “cutting her off.” I’d be the one who broke the promise, not her. I’d honestly feel truly sorry toward her.
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My papa (a male supporter) in a monthly arrangement once told me that he was fine with keeping it monthly even if we couldn’t meet even once a month. This came up when a date we had planned fell through and I suggested another day.
If you feel like you’re losing out because you’re meeting less often, why not switch to pay-per-meeting at that point? I think it would be better for both of you than getting frustrated. If the girl likes you too, she’ll reschedule; if not, she probably just doesn’t want to meet as much as possible.
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You really shouldn’t have agreed to a monthly arrangement for 150,000 yen.
You should’ve stuck with pay-per-meeting…
If she doesn’t want to see you, you need to end things.
In that situation, your last option would be:
On the contrary, tell her you’re busy, don’t meet for two months, and still give her the monthly allowance.
But—
You clearly don’t like her enough to do that, which is why you settled on such a half-hearted amount.
More than the money itself, she’s already written you off as someone she only likes that much. She isn’t having fun either—and if the man isn’t enjoying it… women find it boring too.
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If that’s something you’re worried about, I think a pay-per-meeting arrangement would be better. That way, you’ll both be satisfied with the terms.
It’s probably best to think of a monthly arrangement as something for people who aren’t bothered by that kind of thing.
Even if you don’t meet even once, you still pay for the month. That’s what being a real man is about.
Most people can’t accept that much, though, so they opt for a pay-per-meeting arrangement.
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At ¥150,000 a month for three meetings, that works out to ¥50,000 per meeting...
The terms are so poor (the allowance is far too low) that it’s basically as if the person asking the question is the one being rejected.
Let’s stop acting like ¥50,000 per meeting is the norm already...
The only men who can just about get away with offering ¥50,000 per meeting are exceptionally well-groomed older or younger gentlemen.
I’m not saying it has to be ¥100,000 per meeting, but if it’s ¥150,000 a month, keep the adult relationship to no more than twice a month.
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